


Doctor Sexy Wears Cowboy Boots

by the_three_trenchcoat_wearers



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bull Rider Dean Winchester, Cowboy Dean, Doctor Castiel, F/F, F/M, Lawyer Sam Winchester, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-03-19 12:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 48,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3609510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_three_trenchcoat_wearers/pseuds/the_three_trenchcoat_wearers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doctor Castiel Novak is pulled away from his work at Pontiac General by his brother Gabe to get away from the past that has been following him not so nicely. As Castiel meets the owner of the Campbell Ranch he begins to see just how broken the bull rider is, in more ways than one. Dean Winchester, majority owner of his mothers ranch left to him in her will, greets the city slicker doctor with open arms to the ranch he calls home. The two both have broken pasts and rocky futures, and neither refuse to give in to their most desired wants. Can the cowboy with broken ribs and a shattered heart and the doctor who's hands can no longer hold steady help each other to stand taller in the waiting room and sit straighter in the saddle?</p><p>More or less, this piece has been abandoned. I might continue it in the future, but for now this is what you get. Sorry for leading you on...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Non Tiembo Mala

Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to comprehend what his brother had just told him. "Ok, Gabe... You called my chief, told him that we had a family emergency and that I needed two weeks off? Gabe, I can't afford two weeks!" He paced around his little apartment, sidestepping his coffee table as he walked past, bare feet gently slapping the hardwood floors. Removing his hand from his nose, he bent to scratch at his thigh, enjoying the feel of his cotton sweatpants. His brother on the other end of the line was far too happy for seven in the morning. 

"Yes baby bro! I called Uriel and got it all figured out. You are off the clock, for two weeks, starting today. I am on my way over now to pack for you." Again, Castiel ran a hand through his already mussed hair.

"Gabe, I told you I can't! What if an emergency comes in, o-or if Meg collapses, or if-"

"CASSIE," Gabe cut him off mid rant, "Meg can hold her own, and you know that. Uriel already agreed to the time so if you go back in, he will wonder why you are ditching your family." Gabe had a point, then Castiel chided himself for allowing this.

"Well what about Sweet Temptations? You're the chef, and you can't just walk out on the restaurant that you, not only cook for, but own? What about that?" Castiel mentally high fives himself for the argument.

"Kali has it covered." He answered simply.

"Gabe... Kali threw a frying pan at a waitress last week." Kali, laughably known as The Destroyer behind her back, had a temper to match a hungry hyena's. Quick to snap and to break things, she also was known for her Creme Brûlée. The first time she ever made one, the blow torch malfunctioned and flames went up to the ceiling. She punched Gabe when he laughed. He heard Gabe sigh over the line.

"I realize this, but I trust her. Now unlock your door, I just pulled up."

"Gabe-" but the line closed with a click. Turning off his phone, Castiel tossed it onto his sectional then padded over to the door to unlock it, stepping out of the way just in time as it flung open, making a slight dent in the wall where the handle hit. Revealed was his older, yet slightly shorter, brother. 

"Boom baby!" He slightly shouted as he strutted into the apartment. With his usual Cheshire Cat grin planted on his over-happy face, a lolly-pop was hanging dangerously from the corner of his mouth. Reaching up to ruffle his brothers hair, he marched right into Castiel's bedroom and promptly began going through drawers, emptying the contents onto the ground and queen sized bed. Gently closing the door, Castiel made his way to his bedroom. His eyes widened in shock at the mess that now overtook his once-clean room. Gabriel was now going through jeans, tossing a few on the bed, others in a pile on the floor.

"Gabe... What?!" Fighting for words, Castiel lost the battle as his brother advanced his closet and proceeded to toss shirts. Some went on the bed, others on the floor by his feet. "A-at lest tell me where we are obviously going?" 

"Not until we get there." He paused for a second, scrutinizing the pile of underwear, socks, jeans and now shirts sitting on the bed. He glanced up to Castiel, golden eyes glinting. "Do you have a suitcase?" Sighing, Castiel flipped his brother the bird and went off to the hall closet to find his old duffle bag.

"There," he said, tossing the bag at Gabe who caught it with a grin, and happily started shoving clothes inside, not even bothering to fold them. Gabe glanced at his brother, told him to strip and tossed him a shirt and pair of jeans his direction before returning to the dresser to find pajama bottoms. Castiel, too annoyed at this point to do anything else, made his way to the bathroom where he changed and then started packing up bathroom essentials. Toothbrush and paste, comb, razor and shaving cream, a towel and cologne... The Old Spice stuff. Gathering up his pajamas and his diddy bag, he placed the bathroom stuff next to his duffle, his used clothes in the hamper and the towel inside of the duffle. He then stuffed his diddy bag inside. Pulling on socks and his tennis shoes, he was ready to go to this mystery location. Gabe turned to him.

"Ok, number one, get rid of the Balthazar pics, that was forever ago. Two, go take a pee because we have a six hour drive ahead of us." With a flourish, Gabe grabbed the duffle bag and headed out the apartment to his car, a large white truck that didn't quite match his personality. Castiel agreed that he should probably use the restroom and was out the door a few minutes later, having checked that he had his phone, charger, and a hefty set of books. Checking that the lights were all off, he closed and locked the door behind him to go get in the cab of the truck.

"Dude, it smells like candy in here. That's disgusting." He gently complained as he closed the door.

"You shush and read." Gabe offered up a joking smile before pulling out of the parking lot and making his way down to the highway, merging into the traffic easily. True to his word, six hours and one gas refill later, the two pulled up to little Lawrence, Kansas. Castiel had read through one of his books on the way and made a mental note to pick up a new one in a local bookstore. "Wanna stop and get lunch?" Gabe asked Castiel, who glanced at the clock and read that it was already 1:30 PM. Castiel stretched his arms above his head as best he could.

"Sure man. Oh, there's a spot. The Roadhouse." Gabe swung his truck into an empty parking spot next to next to a huge black monster of a truck. Both of the brothers whistled their approval as they walked past and into the old wooden building. They entered just in time to to see an angry female barkeeper smack a gentleman on the head with her open hand. A man sitting next to the first laughed and got the same treatment. Her demanding voice rang out nice and clear over the heads of a few other patrons.

"Boy, don't you know just how stupid you are? Not only for leaving Garth, of all people, to look after the ranch while you went off to a bull ride, but that you actually participated in said bull ride. If that thing had dug it's horn in any deeper, your kidney would have popped. Look at you! Black eye, all wrapped up under that shirt of yours, I bet you are going to go ride Hellhound after I get done with you. How DARE you put yourself at such a risk. And then! Oh, and then. You decided that Jo needs to come with. She saw everything, Dean. She saw how your hand got hung up and you got stuck on his horn. And you, Sam," she turned to the taller man, "you just let him go off and do this? I expected better from a lawyer." She pushed her light brown hair out of her face and huffed out a sigh. "Neither of you move until I help out these two gentlemen who just walked in." The two men at the bar hung their heads in shame as the woman came out from behind the bar and made her way to Castiel and Gabe. "Sorry you two had to see that, but parenting doesn't end once you move out. So, what can I do you boys for?" Castiel cast a quick glance at Gabe, who then spoke.

"Uh, my bro and I were getting a bite to eat before heading out to finish our drive." He shuffled his feet awkwardly as her cool gaze swept over the boys. 

"Well take a seat anywhere you want. Where are you boys headed? Maybe I can help point you in the right direction?"

"That would be great. We are looking for the Campbell Ranch. My brother and I needed some away time, so I booked there for two weeks. You know the place?" The woman nodded and pointed behind her to the two men at the bar.

"Yeah, those two knuckleheads own and maintain it." She motioned to the bull rider and lawyer. "Now, take a seat. What can I get you to drink?"

"Um, I would like, can you do Arnold Palmers?" Gabe questioned.

"Sure thing." 

"Thanks, lots of sugar please. What about you Cassie?" Castiel didn't miss how the bull riders head jerked up for a moment at that name.

"Just tea for me thanks, iced tea."

"Alright boys. I'll go grab you a menu real quick." Gabe and Castiel sat at a nearby table, and she returned a moment later with two, one page laminated menus. One side, Castiel saw, was food, but the other was entirely liquor. He saw that The Roadhouse had patty melts so he decided on that. When she- what was her name?- came back with their drinks, he got that and Gabe got a house salad. Castiel cast a confused glance at Gabe as he ordered. Castiel caught the bartender before she walked off.

"By the way ma'am, we never did catch your name." 

"Oh! My name is Ellen." They heard a door close somewhere behind them. Ellen glanced over and smiled at the petit blonde that had just walked through the kitchen doors. "And that is my daughter, Jo. Welcome to Lawrence." She gave them a big grin before almost walking away. "You know, I like to know anybody headed up to the Campbell Ranch. Who did you say you were?" Castiel answered this time.

"My name is Castiel Novak. I'm a doctor up at Pontiac General, up in Illinois. This is my brother Gabriel. He owns a restaurant up there."

"Well that's good! A chef and a doctor.. The two things that Dean needs the most in his life." The bull rider then got up from the bar to stand behind Elle . He didn't even try to hide his wince of pain.

"Now you hush it woman. I am a perfectly fine chef, ask anyone down at the firehouse. I can hold my own. Jo however, she could use some lessons." He chuckled slightly before grabbing at his side, Jo spoke up from behind the bar where she had been talking with the lawyer. 

"I can hear you stupid. I'm not afraid to kick you."

"Hey, it ain't fair to kick a man while he's down!"

"Well it ain't fair that you got on a bull literally named Dick Head."

"What now?" Ellen gave Dean an icy glare. He shied away.

"The bull was named Richard Cranium, and he lived up to his name." At this point, the taller man came over to the table. Castiel and Gabe sat in silence as chaos ensued around them

"Boy, you got on a bull with a track record to match your fathers! Now if you don't mind, I am going to go fix up these two men their lunches." She stormed off, leaving the four men together. The tallest of them spoke.

"Well I am Sam Wincheter, local lawyer and part owner of the ranch. Dean," he motioned to the slightly shorter man," is the majority owner of the ranch and does some car work on the side with our uncle Bobby, who is married to Ellen." He extended one large hand to Castiel, who took it willingly. Gabe held onto it a little longer than necessary.

"Castiel Novak, Gabe. Came all the way down from Pontiac, Illinois. Gabe here booked two weeks at your ranch. So I guess we will be seeing a lot of each other these next few days." Castiel hadn't been paying much attention to Dean, but when he turned to shake hands with him, he was caught off guard by just how beautiful he was. Emerald green eyes, a splattering of freckles everywhere, even his slightly curved nose was adorable. Castiel noted the calloused hands of his.

"So, I overheard you two saying that you are a chef and a doctor. So, chef- whichever one that is- do you know how to make pie?" Sam groaned and rolled his eyes, but kept a playful smile on his face. Gabe looked Dean square in the eye.

"Any kind you want cowboy." He then turned and winked to Sam, who then started coughing and turned away from the table. After composing himself, Sam turned back to the group.

"Thanks for the invite Gabe, really, but I'm engaged to a girl named Jessica. Another time, yeah, but not now." He gave the crest fallen Gabe a supportive smile. Before things got too awkward, Ellen returned with a patty melt and a salad. Soon, Sam and Dean return to the bar and Gabe and Castiel enjoyed their lunch. Castiel broke the silence between them.

"Did you really have to flirt, Gabe? Now this trip is just going to be weird."

"Weird how?"

"You made gooey eyes at an owner of the place where we will be staying for the next half month. Besides, why here? I'm guessing that there are dude ranches closer to home." 

"Because baby bro. This was out of state, had great prices, and was far enough away from anyone you know that you won't run into them."

"I know you."

"Touché. And I thought he was cute. I see what I like and I go for it. Just sucks that he is already taken." Sam walked over to the boys from the bar, and Dean hobbled his way out the door. 

"Hey, we are going to head out. It will be easiest to find the ranch if you follow us." He stepped away from the two, and Castiel noticed lines of dirt on his jeans. He made a mental note to wipe his own off when he stood. Gabe put a $20 and a $5 on the table table and finished off his overly sugared drink. Together they made their way outside. They spotted Sam and Dean leaning up against the large black truck. Once the two cowboys spotted them, they smiled and climbed in their truck. Castiel and Gabe followed suit in their own truck. Soon, the two trucks are on the road, all windows are rolled down and Castiel could see Dean hang his arm out the passenger window. All of a sudden, Bon Jovi filled the air around them, the black truck swerved dangerously in front of them, and then the air fell silent again. The only sounds following were of tires on gravel and the occasional bird calling from a nearby tree. After turning onto a dirt road, both trucks slowed down considerably to keep from hitting the pot holes too badly. Both Castiel and Gabriel sucked in a breath as they turned a corner. 

Looming over them stood a great metal sign, which held the words NON TIEMBO MALA in large steel letters. Decorating the posts on either side of the road are pictures, wind chimes and dream catchers, flowers both old and new and a single stone angel, three feet high, with wings and arms spread wide. A small metal mailbox sat to the left of the road, it too was decorated. But the paint that adorned it was old and faded. JOHN, MARY, DEAN AND SAM WINCHESTER. 

A few minutes later. They stopped outside of a classic two story house, once blue with white trim. Surrounding the house were barns and pastures. On the east held cows, and the west had horses. The four men got out of their trucks. Dean hobbled over to Castiel and Gabe, who both stood shell shocked by the rolling hills and vast expanse of land. Dean held his arms wide and gave an even larger smile. In his permanently gravely voice he greeted the brothers.

"Welcome to the Campbell Ranch. Been in my family for seven generations. 500 acres. This is home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my second published work, so I'm sorry if it's a little rocky. I have ridden horses my entire life and was utterly disappointed in the lack of Cowboy!Destiel fics here. This chapter is in Castiel's POV (point of view) and the next one will be as well, which I have written out. I will try to post every few days or so, but I don't plan on having a set schedule as inspiration comes in waves. 
> 
> The bull, Richard Cranium is a real bull. He was at the 2015 Colorado National Western Stockshow And Rodeo. He threw his rider, a veteran rider, in just six seconds. The pickup men had a heck of a time getting him back under control.


	2. Bonnie, Vonnie, Tonnie and  Clyde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel meets the horses, people... This is mostly a world building chapter.

As Castiel and Gabe drove under the large metal sign, they were shocked at the beauty that surrounded them. Castiel sucked in a breath of amazement as they rounded a line of large pine trees. They parked and got out of the truck. Before them, casting a large and long shadow on a, surprisingly well manicured, lawn edged with white, link, red, yellow and even blue flowers, was a large ranch style home. The classic two story was a pale shade of blue, but the peeling paint gave away that it used to be a darker color. Even the white trim and wraparound porch were well worn, their color faded to an off white. The wraparound porch really caught Castiel's eye by the large wooden swing that hung from the cover. His attention was drawn away from the porch by the neighing of horses to his right. A split rail fence, chocolate brown and well kept, separated the yard from four very large horses happily munching in a dandelion patch. Castiel brought his gaze to the left and ended up staring at the back end of several black cows. Castiel could see that extending beyond the main house were several large barns, more cows and a couple of people who were milling about in the shade of a barn. He almost didn't hear Dean speaking to them. "Welcome to the Campbell Ranch. Been in my family for seven generations. 500 acres. This," he spread his left arm open wide, holding onto his side with his right, "is home." His large smile drew one from Castiel. Gabriel however was lingering awkwardly beside the truck. Sam collected a few bags from his pickup and headed onto the porch. Dean sauntered over to the brothers. 

"So, two city slickers on a farm, several hours from home. What made you choose this place of all locations, especially when there are closer ranches to your place?" Castiel let Gabe answer that as he stared at the perfect teeth and emerald green eyes that shone out like a freshly bloomed aspen.

"We just needed some time out of state, and Cassie here needed some time off of the hospital scene."

"Y'all aren't running from the law are you? Because I tried letting people stay here before, that that didn't end up to well."

"No! No, we are clean from the hands of Uncle Sam. Just needed a break."

"Well, ok then, that's good enough reason for me. Either of y'all ever ride before?"

"Not horses," Gabriel answered, elbowing Castiel in the side. "I am going to follow Sam's lead and put our stuff on the porch. You two have fun!" He waggled his fingers at Castiel and Dean before collecting his bags from the bed of the truck and wandering up to the porch. Castiel glowered at him as he passed, and then gave a wary and apologetic smile to Dean. Castiel and Dean scratched the back of their necks at the same time. Castiel broke the silence.

"So, no, I have never ridden a horse before, and I, uh, I apologize for Gabe. He is usually a little too forward for his own good."

"Heh, yeah I noticed that. But that's alright. Sam honestly would have let the flirting continue if he wasn't engaged. Jess, she's awesome though. She keeps him in check."

"That's good. This is a lovely place you have here. 500 acres, seven generations... Impressive."

"Thanks. My mother left my name on the deed to the ranch in her will. I've had control over the place for four years now. We do cows and ropers- uh, roping horses, sorry. One of our studs was my moms horse, and his bloodlines go all the way back to the first Campbell who owned this ranch. Sorry, I'm rambling now."

"No, no it's fine, honestly. It's rare to see anybody completely passionate about something anymore. I'm sorry about your mother. But at least you have Sam and the ranch."

"Yeah, your right. So, shall I show you to your room?"

"Yeah that would be nice." Castiel smiled up at the slightly taller man (which was impressive in itself for he was six foot), who returned the smile and headed up to the porch, Castiel following a few steps behind. 

Castiel collected his bag while Dean collected his and the two made their way inside the old house. It was simply decorated yet was formal and inviting at the same time. An old wooden trunk served as a coffee table for the several over stuffed and well loved leather seats surrounding it. Pictures of horses in arenas and on bridges and spinning in circles and chasing cows hung upon the yellow walls. The dark hardwood floors had permanent dust tracks. Castiel paused to admire a grand stone fireplace and the mantle above it. Several small plastic horses stood there intertwined with small portraits of a family of four standing in front of an old tree. Castiel startled as Deans rocky voice spoke out. "That's my mom, Mary. Her father, my grandfather, Samuel built this fireplace. Maybe one night I'll tell you about the stones. Come on, let's get you to your room." Castiel cast one last glance to the mantle and memories of his host, before following said host up a flight of wooden, and creaking, stairs. "We usually have guests stay in the cabins out back, but didn't have time to get to them. We'll get them cleaned up for you tomorrow, tonight if I can snag somebody from the back." 

"That's alright. I appreciate the hospitality." 

"Boy, you sure are polite about everything Castiel." He stopped outside of a black door. Dean placed his suitcase inside of the door and closed it, but not before Castiel saw the wall of trophies, belt buckles, ribbons and... Holes? Dean made his way past two more doors to stop in front of a third door, a natural brown like two of the three others. "I hope you and Gabe are good to share a room for the night. Sam has the room next to mine and the bathroom separates you guys and him."

"Thanks Dean."

"Yeah sure thing. Well, we still have plenty of time before dinner... You want a tour of the place? I have zero clue where your and my brother scampered off to." Castiel set his duffle bag outside of the door.

"Yeah, that sounds good. I don't have boots though, is that alright?" Castiel shuffled his feel nervously, red tennis shoes squeaking slightly. Dean looked down at his red shoes and rubbed some of the stubble on the side of his face.

"I'll lend you a pair. I have some extras downstairs." He chuckled gently and turned and made his way down the creaking stairs. "I guess we can tour the rest of the house before heading outside. Well, you see the living room, basement down that door, and behind the wall here is the kitchen. Sorry it's a little outdated. I bet you and your brother are used to better." 'Outdated' is not the word that Castiel would have used to describe the kitchen. Golden marble countertops, nearly white cupboards and the dark hardwood flooring from the living room calmed Castiel in a way that he couldn't understand. The golden and chocolate brown tile back splash tied everything together. No, there weren't any stainless steel appliances, but the fridge was decorated in old crayon drawings that were yellowing at the edges, half crossed off grocery lists and small notes. Castiel realized why he felt so calm... The entire space felt like home, even if it didn't resemble his past at all. Everything was just so comforting to him. Warm sunlight shone through the large window.

"Are you kidding? This is awesome! Ten times better than mine, or even Gabe's. His isn't this jazzed up." Dean ducked his head, Castiel figured to hide the blush that had turned the rims of his ears pink. 

"Well thanks. The kitchen table was my fathers. It and the chairs are what he and I made when I was just a boy. Made from a couple of old pines from the back of our land. That's why we have the Clydesdales up front, to haul heavy loads like that. And to pull a sled in the winter." They stopped at the back door where several pairs of boots were lined up on a mud mat. "What size of shoe are you?"

"Um, ten I think." Dean bent to pick up a pair off of the end of the line. Castiel only slightly averted his gaze.

"Here. These are mine but u was planning on getting a new pair fairly soon. Just slip your shoes off and put these on." Dean waited as Castiel exchanged shoes, and when he stood up fully, he saw Dean suppressing a grin.

"What? What did I do?"

"Nothing, it's just that those boots look awesome with your polo shirt." Castiel glanced down and smiled his agreement. He really took a moment to look over Dean as he reached over to a hook on the wall and grabbed for a black cowboy hat. He wore a red and white plaid shirt that hugged over his well made biceps nicely, and Castiel could see the roiling muscles of his back through the thick material. He noticed several small freckles on the backs of his ears. He, of course, turned back at the moment and offered up a white toothed smile. "Ready?" Castiel nodded and Dean swung the door open, blinding him for a moment. As Castiel regained his ability to see, Dean melted away into the bright light, causing his silhouette to glow around the edges; his hat cut sharply into the bright light. Castiel blinking, stepped into the sun, following Dean to the back side of the house. Stepping off of the porch, Castiel noticed Sam and Gabe over by the cows, petting them and talking quietly. Dean must have spotted them too because he sharply turned away from the cows and to the large, Clydesdales?

"So these are our Clydesdales. Three girls, mares. The oldest is Bonnie, then Vonnie, then Tonnie, and our male, or gelding, is Clyde. Yeah yeah I know, VERY original." Castiel enjoyed the sarcasm that dripped from him. He could almost taste it. Castiel just huffed a laugh. Dean glanced his direction and noticed him staring happily at the large animals. "Do you want to pet them?"

Castiel glanced warily at Dean, but saw the confidence in his sparkling eyes of his. "Sure, I'd like that." Dean grinned, put two fingers in his mouth and blew a single shrill whistle into the still air. All four of the Clydesdales came to the fence, their large hooves sending shock waves through the hard packed earth and into Castiel's legs. Dean reached over the fence and snagged one of the horses by something on its head.

"This here is Vonnie. This on her head is a halter. Reach your hand out so she can smell you, then pat right here between her eyes." He held Vonnie's huge face over the fence. Castiel did as he was told and let her sniff him. He actually giggled when her whiskers ticketed him. He scolded himself for that. He was supposed to be a gentleman. But he reached up to pet between her eyes.

"I didn't realize horses were so soft." He rubbed up and down her brown face.

"And these guys are dirty. Wait until you pet a clean one. Much softer." Dean released her halter and Vonnie shook her head, sending Castiel's outstretched hand flying backward. She pranced off to join the others. Dean took a few steps backwards, prompting Castiel to follow him, which he did so gratefully. They reached the first barn. Wooden walls painted red, and white barn doors hung all the way open. "The horses in here are for our dude-ranchers. These are easy going horses and one pony for kids. There are twenty stalls in here. Ones the left are Eli, Dixon, Starr, Cody, Boris, Lenore, Kristen, Connor, Alpha and Lucy. Lucy is the pony. On the right are Dali, Andrea, Quentin, Gordon, Luther, Celia, Beau, Jimmy, Sorento and Vampirate."

"Vampirate?" Castiel questioned. Walking to the end of the line to rub the multi colored horse.

"Yeah. He has an eye patch and it's not as common to have a red pint horse. But when the sire, father, is War... It makes sense."

"It's father is War?"

"Yeah, one of our four stallions. You'll meet them next." He let Castiel stop and pet every single horse in the barn, then showed him the tack room. "Tack is the overall name for what we put on a horse. Saddle, bridle,-"

"Halter?"

"Yeah, halters count as tack. Bits go in the horses mouth, over their tongue and girths go around their belly to hold the saddle in place. Come on, let's go meet the horsemen." He shot Castiel a wicked grin and walked out towards a small barn.

"This is our stallion barn, and only four of the six stalls are filled. You know who the horsemen are, right?"

"Yeah," Castiel spoke from memory now, "According to Revelations chapter six;  
'The first was a white horse. It's rider held a bow, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as a conquerer bent on conquest.  
Then another horse came out, a fiery red one. It's rider was given the power to take peace from the earth and to make men slay each other. To him was given a large sword.  
There appeared a black horse and it's rider was holding a pair of scales in his hands.  
Last was a pale horse- it's rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him.  
They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth'." Dean stood shocked, with his mouth literally hanging open. "What? My parents were, and are, very religious. The oldest of the four is Death, who rides the pale horse. I'm guessing that's the white horse with pink on his nose and eyes; he was your moms horse. Pestilence is associated with green, but I'm going to guess that he, or even Conquest as to how the Bible tells him, is the grey one. Then Famine, the black horseman, is the large black horse. Pretty obvious. And then War, the big red one. I know my bible stuff even if I personally am not religious." Castiel simply stated the facts and in doing so, caused Dean to fall completely silent and blink a few times before answering. 

"Well, ok then! Nearly everybody else who I ask who the horsemen are say that they are the four guys in charge of how people are killed." He absentmindedly scratched at his freckled ear. "But I like your version better." He smiled warmly at Castiel, who had begun to feel self conscious about saying so much. "I think I am going to like you, Cas." Opening his eyes wide, he quickly tried to correct his wording, much to Castiel's amusement. "I- I uh, I ment Castiel. Sorry, uh, Castiel- I, wow I don't uh- look I am, uh-"

"Dean, it's ok. Just so long as it's not Cassie." He chuckled at Dean floundering, pushing the thought of him being cute when he is flustered out of his mind. He went over to scratch Death behind the ears. 

"Death's coloring, he actually isn't albino, like many think. Albinos have red eyes because you can see through the non-existent iris to the blood vessels in the back of their eyes. Death has blue eyes. That's called leucism. He is leucistic. And Conquest, we didn't think that anybody would want to breed to a horse named Pestilance, is steel grey. The white line on his face is a stripe. War has a blaze, that means that the white is just thicker." He motioned to the red horse. "And the coloring isn't red, but chestnut. And then Famine is entirely black, no white on his big guy." He reached over to scratch Famine, next to War.

"Dean, are you getting all doe eyed over Famine again? Now, who's the cutie by your side?" A smallish girl with deeply tanned skin, thick, black curly hair and blood red lips walked into the stallion barn. She wore cutoff jeans and a tied up shirt, exposing her belly button. She stood annoyingly close to Dean. He chuckled.

"Tracy, this is Castiel Novak. He and his brother will be staying down here for the next two weeks. Castiel, Tracy Bell. She is a whiz with getting horses under a saddle for the first time. Also helps out at the garage with me." Castiel shoved down the thoughts of how much he hated that sweet smile he gave her, especially as she walked over to him, swinging her hips. Dean groaned softly, hiding a smile behind his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you." Castiel took her extended hand in a friendly manor, but dropped it quickly, causing Tracy to make a pouty face with her quite full lips.

"Yeah, you too." She turned her attention back to Dean. "The pack and I were wondering when we get to meet the city slicker?"

"Oh, yeah. He and I will be out in a minute."

"Ok." As she sauntered out of the barn, she still swung those thick hips of hers. Dean passed his hand down his face. 

"Sorry about her... Bit of a flirt that girl is."

"It's alright. Gabe will pick up on that. Hey, what's the difference between a gelding, a stallion and a stud? I've heard you mention all three of those to describe a male horse...?"

"Yeah. All refer to male horses. A stallion is an unfixed male. A gelding is a fixed male, and a stud is an unfixed male used for breeding purposes. If a working horse 'goes-to-stud' then that means that he has retired from showing or racing or what-have-you and is now only used for breeding. A working stud is a stud that still performs or shows." Castiel nodded in understanding, and gave a final pat to Death's pink nose. He walked out behind Dean as they left the stallion barn, but quickly fell into step beside him. Cas shook the nerves off of him. They passed a large, sandy expanse of land fenced in by another split rail fence. This one was white. "This is our arena, well our outdoor one." They wound their way around some pot holes to a cluster of people sitting in the shade of another barn.

"Castiel, this is our training barn, and where we house our personal horses. And this," he motioned to the few people sitting together who now looked up, "is our pack of misfit toys. Welcome to Misfit Island Castiel." Castiel noticed Tracy sitting on a bale of hay, bronze legs folded under her, leaned towards a large man. A sprightly redhead smiled to him, a gangly man and one more with an impressive mullet. The redhead got up first, sporting a Minecraft tee.

"Hey Castiel, I'm Charlie. I teach lessons and handle the books here. Used to do stadium jumping then got into cows." She grabbed Castiel's hand and pumped it several times. He noted the strength that the thin girl held. The largest man got up next, and spoke with a slight Cajun accent.

"Hey brother, m' names Benny. Pleasuh ta meet ya." He was tall and solidly built, with close cropped hair and a nicely trimmed beard. Castiel shook his hand willingly. The next guy to get up was Mullet-Rock. He wore an open jean vest and no shirt, and ripped black jeans. The only way it tell he was even on a ranch were the boots.

"Names Ash, man, 'Sup?"

"Sweet hair man." He could have sworn that he blushed.

"Thanks man! All business in the front, party in the back." He flipped his hair dramatically over his shoulder. The last man to get up was a bean pole with an almost comically large nose.

"I am Garth Fitzgerald IV, but Garth will do. I run the dude ranch barn, Ash has the pastures and gates, Benny covered the stallions and broodmares. Welcome to our home."

"Well thank you for the hospitality."

"Sure thing." Dean answered and turned to Ash. "Hey, I asked you to get started on the cabins. Why aren't those done?" Ash faultered.

"Well, Andy stopped by."

"ANDY?! You let the pot-head on my property? Go- go get the cabins started. You're on fence duty. I cannot believe you could have been so stupid! Did you let him near my show horses, the broodmares? What about my studs? You- just get the cabins ready. I'll let you know about dinner. Come on Castiel, one more barn to show you." Dean stalked off, leaving a slightly startled Castiel with the others. Benny spoke up.

"Don' worry 'bout his temper... He jus' gets real protective of his horses. His temper will settle down." With that he clapped a big hand on Castiel's shoulder, sending the man off balance enough to plant a foot out in front of him. He followed suit with the other and made his way follow Dean into the big barn. 

"Well hey there, sorry about that Cas." Castiel smiled gently at the nickname. "Uh, these horses in here are our own personal horses and our show horses slash horses in training. Mine is the big dark brown one, Hellhound. Charlie's little red mare is Unicorn. Benny has the big yellow one, a palomino, Vampire. Vampire and Vampirate are half brothers. Tracy had the black one on your left with the white face, Vetala, and Garth has the paint horse Wolfsbane. Our show horses are Amazon, Skinwalker, Ghoul, Rakshasa, Shojo, Djinn, Succubi, Chupacabra, Reaper, Nessie, Okami, Wendigo, Wraith, Zombie, and Fairy. Our broodmares are out in the back pasture. They are Annie, Deanna, Krissy, Olivia, Josephine, and Gwen." Dean stood beside his horse. The six empty stalls on the end must have been for the mares he listed. Going through the names in his head, Csdtiel noticed something funny, and smiled largely and actually laughed out loud. He looked up to Dean who's surprised face must have been at the outburst. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just that, aren't those the names of monsters? Nessie? Zombie? Ghoul? Those are from horror stories Dean!" So much for just laughing, Castiel actually snorted he was laughing so hard. Dean smiled in amusement at the antics.

"Nice that you caught onto that. When Sam first figured it out he actually punched me."

"Speaking of Sam, you didn't say that he had a horse."

"Yeah, he doesn't have the time for a horse now that he's a big shot lawyer. If he rides with us he uses Eli, and Jess uses Dixon." Dean paused and cast a glance over to Castiel who had gone to rub the light brown nose of Wolfsbane. "Cas... Since you are going to be out here for two weeks..." Castiel turned his attention from the horse, looking at the man whose smile put the stars to shame. "Would you like to learn how to ride?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The horses are all named after different parts of the show. The broodmares (a broodmare is a female horse used solely for breeding purposes) are named after female hunters, yes the show horses are monsters, apart from Wolfsbane... Warewolf didn't sound very good... And the dude-ranch horses are all vampires.
> 
> Again, another Disney reference in here!!
> 
> (For the reasoning that Dean freaked out over having pot on the property. The fumes of the drug can easily enter a horses system, and when you go to a show, the horse has to be tested for drugs and performance enhances. Pot can be mistaken as a performance enhancing drug on the drug screen.)


	3. Howl At The Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deans POV (finally) with him teaching Castiel how to ride a horse, Charlie gets an idea, and they all howl at the moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *DISCLAIMER* I am not a professional! nor do I teach lessons. Please do not try to ride a horse for the first time without an instructor present, and please ALWAYS wear a helmet if you are riding. I cannot be charged with trying to teach you how to ride from this. Also, nobody learns THIS fast... Remember this is a fictional story so sorry if I speed it along a little bit.

His green eyes shot open. Why did he just ask that? But it was too late to redraw the question as Cas' larger than life smile lit his face. Just as always when Castiel smiles, Dean gets distracted by his electric blue eyes that shine out brightly against his nearly black hair.

"I would love to!" Dean was struck again by just how that kind of gravely voice could come out of those just right lips. But he did his best to hide his joy.

"Well, alright then! Let's go grab you a horse and get you going." He turned on his heel and made his way out of the barn, but waited for Castiel to exit before starting for the dude-ranch horse barn. As they made their way inside, he made a mental list of who Cas should ride. He decided that Beau would be a perfect starting horse for Castiel. He was fairly lazy. Walking up to him between Celia and Starr, he grabbed the lead rope and halter from the hook of his door. Castiel waited patiently as Dean slid the black halter onto the face of Beau. Leading the blue roan out of his stall and to the cross ties, he passed Castiel who's eyes were wide with amazement at the horse. Ok, so he might have picked Beau because he matched Castiel's eyes, but he was still an excelent starter horse. Dean clipped the ties to the sides of the halter, threw the rope over his neck and motioned for Castiel to come over.

"So this is Beau. Just like the other 95 percent of the horses here, he is a quarter horse. He is eleven years old, 15.2 hands and he is a blue roan."

"Now I am used to medical jargon, but I have absolutely no clue what you just told me." Castiel reached up to the blue-grey horse, realizing that Dean was right about clean horses being softer than dirty ones. Dean huffed a laugh, no longer holding his side to do so.

"Yeah, sorry. Used to equine talk. Quarter Horses are a breed. They are very versatile but we use ours for trails and cow work. Every 'hand' is four inches. So fifteen times four is-"

"60. Divide that by twelve is five. So five feet, two inches." Dean was impressed at that.

"Uh, yeah actually. And you measure that at the withers, the knobby point connecting the spine to the neck. The withers are also the very farthest up a saddle should go too, but I will get to that in a minute." He ducked under the chain cross ties to point out the withers. He continued to press on different parts of Beau, explaining them to Castiel. "So their back, and then the doc connects the tail to the rest of the body. Then their legs. Back legs are different from front legs in that they bend backwards while the front legs bent forwards. So hip, stifle, gaskin, hock, cannon, fetlock, pastern, hoof. Their belly is the barrel, and front legs are the shoulder, elbow, forearm, knee, canon, fetlock, pastern, hoof. Top line of the neck is the crest, and where the head connects to the neck is the poll." Dean could see Castiel looking on in amazement as he listed off the horse parts to him. He figured Castiel could do this with human muscle groups. Dean brought his gaze up to meet Castiel's. "Sorry, I figured that you could keep up considering your a doctor and stuff. Lets, uh, get him cleaned off." Rubbing the back of his neck again in slight frustration (at himself), he reached up to the shelf to grab a box of grooming tools. He set to work with a rubber curry comb when Castiel spoke, nearly causing him to drop the curry.

"It's alright Dean. I was keeping up. You don't have to apologize for knowing all of this stuff. It's really cool to learn about. Speaking of which, what are you doing?" He tilted his head to the side, like a confused bird, and Dean couldn't help but smile. He then went into explaining the different brushes used for the horse, how a hoof pick works and how to clean out gunk from your horses eye. 

"Let's grab a saddle pad and Beau's saddle, shall we?" Castiel nodded and they made their way to the tack room. He grabbed a saddle pad and pointed out Beau's saddle to Cas, who grabbed it eagerly, and laughed when he almost dropped it. But Dean didn't dare laugh as he watched the muscles of Cas' arms bunch and expand, adjusting to the heavy weight. He openly stared at the blue eyed beauty who was actually strong enough to carry a saddle. He was drawn back to reality by the rolling voice of the doctor.

"Wow, saddles are heavier than they look."

"Mostly leather. Come on, let's get you in the saddle." Together, well mostly Dean, they got Beau saddled, bridled, and walking down to the outdoor arena. They got to the rail when something crossed his mind. "Wait here," he said to Cas, before marching back into the barn as fast as his injuries would allow, and returned a moment later with a helmet in his hand. He flashed a smile to the doctor wearing his boots, and holding his horse. "Safety first doc." Gently slapping the helmet onto the guys head, he led both of them into the arena. He tightened the girth one last time before tossing the reins over his thick neck. "Ok, with your left hand, hold into the reins and saddle horn, and with your right, hold onto the cantle... The back part of the saddle. Left foot in the stirrup, bounce a few times and swing your right leg over his back. Careful when you sit down, don't squish anything." Castiel did as he was told and was up there in seconds, he shifted uncomfortably for a moment.

"Yeah, that's a feeling I will have to get used to." Castiel chuckled and Dean was captured again by just how awesome this guy was. His easy going nature, the constant smile on his face; his joy was completely infectious. 

"Yeah. Ok, reins in both hands, heels down, squeeze with your calves and cluck at him to make him walk." Dean stood in the center of the arena, watching as the doctor became more comfortable (physically and mentally) in the saddle. He looked like a natural. His back was straight, he kept his heels down and eyes up, weight on the back sides of his pockets... "Pick your reins up and guide him over to the rails. Slow movements, there you go." He was glad he was wearing his hat, the sun was very hot at- what time was it?- Dean checked his watch, almost three thirty. "Looks like you got walking down, let's turn him around. Pick your reins up a little bring them to the inside a bit and pull back slightly. Put some pressure on with our outside leg. Now you got it. One lap this way and then we will jog." As Castiel rode, Dean did an overall evaluation of him. Strong legs, good control over them, his heels were still down. Strong arms, but that fucking polo shirt would have to go if he planned on staying here the full two weeks. "Ok, now you're going to jog. Cluck three times and squeeze with your calves, then release. Hold on with your thighs."

"Hold onto what?"

"You'll figure it out." Castiel shrugged a little bit and clucked three times. Beau broke up into an easy jog, the two beat gait. Castiel, obviously nervous, grabbed into the saddle horn with his left hand, his butt bouncing against the seat. Dean actually laughed at Castiel trying to control his body, but then stopped as it pulled against his stitches and two broken ribs- and that Castiel's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You know how I said 'grip with your thighs'? Start with the knees. Work the muscles up. Sit back on your pockets and breathe. It stops the bouncing and makes it much easier to ride." Castiel scrunched his eyes in concentration (Dean refuses to admit that it's adorable) and his bouncing stops almost immediately. Charlie showed up next to Dean, kicking some dirt into his boots.

"The man is looking good. How long has he been riding?"

"Twenty minutes? He's never ridden before." Dean looked down to the feisty redhead. Charlie looked stunned at the comment.

"No, he must have been riding before. His heels are actually down, back straight... I hate sitting Beau's jog."

"Nope, the man said that he has never even been on a horse before. Try it. Ask him to do something, he does it perfectly." Charlie winked at him before turning her attention to Castiel.

"Yo, Castiel. Here is something new. Lift you hands above the horn a bit, inside hand higher than the outside. Put pressure with your outside leg, and make a kissing noise to him."

"Then REALLY hold on with your thighs. Lots of leg work." Dean added. Castiel nodded, lifted his hands and kissed. Beau lifted up into an easy going lope. "Hold your hips still." Castiel settled in the saddle and Beau found a steady rhythm.m

"Dude," Charlie commented over to Dean, "he-this cannot be his first time. Beau hates loping!"

"I know, that's why I chose him. I wasn't expecting him to- Castiel to lope while he was here. This is insane Charlie." Dean let out a low whistle as Cas let go of the saddle horn that he had grabbed onto. "Nice Cas! Way to go!"

"Dean," Charlie pulled his attention back. "Overnight camping trip up at the lake. I want to know this guy better." 

"You and me both."

"Ok Castiel, out your weight in your heels, sit back on your pockets, pull your hands back to your belly button and say 'woah'. Sit deep." Castiel pulled back on the reins and sat back, effectively stopping Beau before he could even talk.

"Ok, just walk him a lap or two, them we will head in and find our brothers." Castiel walked Beau off, experimenting with circles. Dean turned back to Charlie. "Really, an overnight? What about Gabe, his brother?"

"What do you mean, I saw him driving away."

"Great. Ok, thanks Charlie."

"Yup. Smell ya later bitches." She walked out of the arena, sending a Vulcan salute to Dean. He rubbed at his eyes and sighed, how was he going to tell Castiel that his brother dumped him here? Watching Castiel work with Beau though, it cleared his head. The guy was positively adorable. His smile had yet to leave his face since loping and his eyes crinkled in the corners. He called Castiel into the middle, and asked him to hop off.

Dean grabbed at Beau's reins and motioned for Castiel to follow. "So, you can take your helmet off now." Castiel rushed to unhook it, rubbing out his helmet pressed hair. "So you are completely positive that you have never ridden before. You're a natural on him." Dean glanced over to Castiel who walked beside calmly, the smile on his face giving away his mood. 

"Positive. I loved it Dean. Thank you for letting me ride him- where is my brothers truck?" Castiel looked over to the house. Dean followed his gaze.

"Uh, Charlie said that she saw him drive out of here while you were riding. I honestly have no clue where he went. But come on, let's get him put away and get you settled in."

"Yeah, ok. And yeah, I've never ridden before, but I can tell why you are bow legged." Castiel chuckled as they made their way back into the barn.

"Thanks Cas... I think..." They led Beau back into the cross ties, got him untracked and brushed off. "Why don't you lead him back to his stall."

"Sure thing. Come on Beau." As Castiel brought him back to his stall, Dean watched in wonder. He could feel his heart pounding through his chest, rattling his broken ribs against each other. As Castiel closed the door, Dean made his way over to the city slicker. Getting close, he stopped himself before he could do anything stupid.

"Let's go make dinner, and get you some Advil."

"But I don't need any."

"You will soon. Come on." Smiling, they made their way into the house. As they walked into the kitchen, they were caught off guard by Sam in the kitchen.

"Hey guys," he called over his shoulder, "Gabe ran out to get some ingredients. It's spaghetti night!" He stood by the stove, a large pot of water waiting to boil sat on a burner. "Dean, will you text the pack?" Dean stood silently, knowing that his brother hated cooking.

"Yeah, sure thing. Let's sit Cas. Claim a good spot before they all show up." He looked over to Sam. "Pack leaders too right?"

"They would hate you calling them that. They technically aren't even members, Dean. But yeah. Them too."

"Sweet." Dean sent a text out to everybody. GRUB TONIGHT IS SPAGHETTI. EVERYONE INVITED. PROFESSIONAL CHEF COOKING... AND SAM.

"Can I ask why you call your friends 'the pack'? It's funny to hear you talk about them."

"Uh, yeah. So Charlie has been here the longest. She and I met in grade school. One day, we were maybe 14, I got a buddy to take my dad's car out for a joyride. I stuck my head out of the window and then Charlie did it too. And for some fucking reason, we started barking at people. That summer we met Benny. We said that he could hang out with us if he did it too. Things just rolled from there, and Sam ended up calling us a pack of dogs. The name stuck. Sam was initiated in Nebraska, and we met Tracy in Wyoming and got her to do it too. Then she moved down here once I graduated." He didn't notice Castiel's eyes drop to the table when he mentioned Tracy. He just kept on talking. "Garth had to do it. Jess did it when she moved down here a few years back. Never convinced dad to do it though, or Ellen or Bobby. Jo will be next to be accepted. She is due to do it tonight actually. Wanna join us?" He looked over hopefully at the guy across from him. Even Sam perked up.

"Yeah, I don't see why not."

"Yeah!" Dean jammed his hand into the air, and sucked in a sharp breath. "Son of a bitch! That hurts like a mother fucker!" Sam looked over in mock concern, but got excited as Gabe walked through the door, two large grocery bags in his hands.

"Dean, did you want me to check your side for you?" Dean looked up into the concerned eyes of Castiel. Dean let confusion and appreciation flash across his face before answering.

"Thanks, but no thanks. It's fine. I just overworked my side to hard." A comfortable silence fell over them as the smells of oregano and pepper filled the air. Dinner was just finishing up on the stove as the pack walked in, and so did Ellen, Bobby and Jo. "Hey everybody! Castiel this is Jo Harvell, daughter of Ellen and step daughter to Bobby Singer, my surrogate father slash uncle." He introduced the shorter and slightly portly man to Cas, as he knew everybody else.

"Nice to meet you sir." Bobby gave a heartwarming smile. 

"See, I like this boy. How you holding up Dean? Pain in your side better?"

"Yeah actually, thanks." He tried to duck out of the way as an open hand came hurtling towards his head, but didn't make it in time. It collided with the side of his head.

"How you you have been so stupid, ya idgit?! Even I know who that bull is! I'm just glad that your father never heard about this jack-ass move of yours!" He went and slumped into a chair next to Ellen.

Dinner passed in casual moments of conversation.  
"-so then, so then Lisa actually ate it!-"  
"-dude, chew before you swallow-"  
"-idjits, do you WANT to loose that hand?-"  
"-you would not believe what I have pulled out of people's ears-"  
"-yeah! A frying pan! Just 'woomph', right over her head-"  
"-all the way to the ceiling? Sounds like Jo!-"  
"-jackass-"

As the night wore on, the sun started setting lower onto the horizon. Dean looked out the window. "Shit! Jo, it's time for initiation!" He excitedly got up from the table and put his empty plate into the sink. "I'll get Baby running. Everybody get ready. Baby, the truck, do we need a third?"

"No I think that should be enough Dean." Jo spoke out. "Let's get this thing over with." She too got up from the table, putting her plate in the sink. Ellen and Bobby stayed sitting, and Gabe just looked like a lost puppy. 

"Come on Gabe, you're with us." Sam nudged him in the shoulder, much to Dean's delight. The pack all got up, getting shoes and jackets on. Dean grabbed a set of keys off of the rack nodded to Castiel and walked out, pausing a moment to see if Castiel followed him out. He did.

"Let's go Cas, you get shotgun. Jo gets back seat. Benny, Garth and Charlie are with Sam... Gabe is too apparently." He walked out to a large shed and pried open the large metal garage door, exposing a car shaped lump under a large canvas tarp. Taking it in his calloused hands, he whipped the sheet off, causing a puff of dust to make both Dean and Cas cough. Castiel sucked in a breath of amazement at the car before him. A low riding, black muscle car with silver decals. "This here is Baby, my 1967 Chevy Impala. 327 engine and a four barrel carburetor. Used to be my dads, but since life happened, she fell into my hands. Love her just as much, if not more, than Sammy or Hellhound. Hop on in, I'll get her going." He climbed in the drivers door and sat down on the bench seat. Castiel hesitate before sliding in on the other side. Putting the key in the ignition he revved the engine, giving a devilish grin to the curious man beside him. He pounded on the radio, letting Def Leppard's Pour Some Sugar On Me fill the air at a too loud volume. He turned down the radio for Castiel's sake, who smiled gratefully, before sifting into gear and pulling carefully out of the shed. They pulled up outside of the house to where Sam, Garth, Benny, Jo, Charlie, and Gabe stood. Dean rolled down hi window. "Get in the cars everybody. Jo, you're with me and Cas. Everyone else with Sam." He laughed at the unison groans echoing around him. Jo climbed in the back seat behind Cas.

"You fucking suck Winchester."

"Yeah, yeah. Hey, where was Ash at dinner?"

"Last I saw, up at the cabins."

"Well what about Tracy? She's not here either."

"I'm not sure. I haven't seen her all day, but I haven't been here. She's a pack member right?"

"Yeah she is. Ash too. Oh well, thanks anyways."

"Sure thing. Now come on, let's get this over with." Dean laughed, ignoring the pull of his stitches in his side, and pulled out, followed by Sam's truck and the rest of the pack. Castiel took the moment of silence to speak.

"So Dean. Coming back from The Roadhouse, did you happen to turn on Its My Life by Bon Jovi? I saw Sam swerve." Jo laughed from the backseat.

"You actually did that?" Dean nodded his head in recognition.

"Yes, that I did, you two. Loud and proud. You could honestly hear that?"

"Yeah I could. Scared Gabe and I with how far off the road you two went." He chuckled lightly, making Dean smile at the low roll of his voice.

"Hey Jo, check it out! We are in town. Roll down your window and stick your head out!" Dean quickly looked over his shoulder to the blonde sitting behind Castiel. She gave him a cold look then rolled the window down. She stuck her pretty head out the window and he slowed down the car. "LET IT RIP JO!" He shouted into the still air.

"I HATE YOU DEAN!" She yelled back before laughing. Moments later, he could hear barks calling out behind him, and Dean let a howl of his own out into the cooling air. He glanced at Castiel, who was laughing his head off next to him. Dean howled again, and soon, more howls and barks came from the truck behind them.

They made their way back to the ranch, and everybody climbed out of the cars. Dean was the first to greet Jo, pulling her into a tight hug. "Welcome to the pack, Jo. Now, I am going to put Baby away and go to bed. Nice job girl. Goodnight." He pulled his car back into the garage then walked up to the house, listening to the others say their praises to Jo. As he made his way up to his bedroom, he opened the window just in time to see Ellen, Bobby and Jo pull out of the yard and onto the road. He turned to a knock at the door. He opened it, revealing an obviously exhilarated and tired Castiel.

"What's up?"

"I just wanted to say thank you for the hospitality and the kindness shown towards me and my brother. Goodnight Dean."

"You are very welcome Castiel. Goodnight to you too. Oh, good job on your first time riding. Sleep well." Castiel shied at the compliment, mumbled a 'thank you' to Dean, and padded off to his bedroom. Dean would have been lying if he said that he didn't watch as Castiel bent to pick up his duffle-bag and make his way into the spare room. Closing his door, he fell back against it. He looked over to his wall of memories; all the trophies, belt buckles, ribbons and holes. Each one for a day when he felt lost, alone, afraid... Usually after he goes to see his father like he had just a few days prior. He usually felt the need to make one, but tonight, he fell asleep without bloodying his knuckles. And in the morning, he would tell Castiel about camping under the stars the next night. He fell asleep, dreaming of a star filled sky, the color of Castiel's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone catch the (slight) Doctor Who reference? You get a subscribe from me!


	4. Diamond Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My feels are exploding, and I am sorry for the carnage.
> 
> Dean and Castiel finally get to know some more about each other, and really explore their pasts while considering the future.
> 
> *THIS MEANS THAT THIS CHAPTER IS UNEDITED. THIS GOES AWAY WHEN THE MISTAKES DO*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very long chapter, I realize this... but this is also from the view point of both Castiel and Dean and I am sorry but I am getting feels from my own writing and oh my gods I am excited to have you read this!!!
> 
> There are also some possible trigger warnings in here of violence, gore, and icky...

*CAS POV*

The first thing that ran through Castiel's mind when he woke up, not even having opened his eyes yet, was 'holy shit, I've gone deaf'. Obviously this wasn't true, but the lack of cars honking and whistles blowing and people talking really caught him off guard. As he pulled his eyes open, he rubbed the sleep from them and glanced around the room. He was in one of the two twin beds that had a simple set of blue flannel sheets on them- Gabe was on the other bed and was happily snoring away. The walls were a nice very pale blue and only had a few small pictures on them, mostly of people chasing cows through open fields. He recognized Death in one of the photos by his coloring and Mary on him by her happy smile. In front of Mary on the saddle was Sam, maybe four. Dean was on the ground holding onto one of Death's front legs. Taking a quick peek at the clock, it read 7:30 and Castiel was sitting up a moment later stretching his hands above his head and making baby dinosaur noises. His back happily rewarded of the stretch with a loud pop. Rubbing his hands through his hair, he got up and padded gently down into the kitchen in his sweat pants and extra-large shirt. he was mildly surprised to see Dean up as well, thoroughly dressed and pumped full of hot coffee.

"Good morning Castiel. Mugs are two doors to the left of the coffee pot; sugar is down below by the oven." Castiel looked the cowboy over. He was lounging comfortably in one of the table's chairs, his face half bathed in light from the large window next to the table. His green eyes were bright and his hair perfectly combed. physically withholding himself, Castiel felt the sudden urge to mess up his perfect hair by dragging his fingers through it. But, no. Instead he poured himself a cup of coffee and sat opposite of Dean, gazing happily out of the window to Bonnie, Vonnie, Tonnie and Clyde.

"It is a good morning Dean. Do you always get up this early?" Castiel questioned the man from over the rim of his yellow and pink coffee mug. Dean looked over the table to him.

"Yeah, I do. I actually usually get up at about 5 but my alarm clock didn't go off. What about you doc? Early raiser?"

"Yeah, I usually get up at 7, go in for a 48 hour shift, come back home, go back in the next day for another 48 hour shift and so on and so forth... plus I am almost always on call. I try to do a lot of night shifts though... that's when the most fun happens." Castiel gently swirled the coffee before taking a sip of the hot liquid. Silence reigned king for several moments before Dean spoke up, voice rolling low.

"So can you feel the effects of riding yesterday? You did really well for having never ridden before."

"Yeah, I can actually." Castiel huffed out a laugh into his coffee. "I can see why you are so bow-legged. Riding hurts a little bit." This time it was Deans turn to laugh.

"Ha, yeah I guess that's true. Hey, um, I was wondering," Dean paused, took a breath and continued, "I was wondering if you wanted to go on a little camping trip tonight? Gabe can come and Sam, Jess and Charlie will be there too. You up for it?" Castiel looked over to his host. His tight brown shirt, his hopeful eyes, that quirky smile that Cas was quickly falling for. And as he nodded his approval, he couldn't help but smile at Deans grin that steadily grew larger.

"I think that sounds fun. Where would we be going, if you don't mind my asking?" He wrapped his hands around the warm mug, feeling the warmth spread through his fingers and up into his arms. Dean relaxed farther into his chair.

"Well, I fugured that we would go up to the lake where Sam and I used to go during the summers. We would be riding for about two, maybe three hours and come back tomorrow around dinner time."

"Cool! I would love to. When should I wake Gabe up? He takes forever to get ready usually."

"Well, we will leave once ya'll are ready to go." Castiel didn't miss Dean's smaile as he abandoned his green mug and went to go wake up his brother. "Wit, hold on." Castiel paused on the stairs, looking over to Dean. "Don't bother packing, we just wear tomorrow what we wear today." Castiel nodded and returned to rushing to his brother.

"Gabe, get out of bed. We are o na ranch, we are going on a trail ride, and we are sleeping outside. UP!" He only slightly rushed around the room, combing through his hair, trading out sweat pants for boxer-briefs and jeans and a tee shirt with the old logo of AC/DC on the back. He threw on some socks while he was at it. Gabe on the other side of the room was not having it and was cursing out Castiel from the safety of his pillow. Castiel, seeing that his brother was facedown, took the opportunity to  take the pillow off of his own bed and start beating up his brother with it until the golden haired monster got out of bed... well, sat up at least. Cas could feel the smile spreading across his face as his older brother truly sat up and pulled the sheet around his shoulders.

"Why are you setting out clothes?" His sleep filled voice was slow and lazy. Castiel let out an exasperated sigh before going through Gabe's bag.

"Because Dean invited us on an overnight trail ride and I said that we would go. Now get up. There is coffee downstairs." He finished setting out his brothers clothes and sat down next to Gabe, smile never leaving his face.

"Cas, I am so glad to actually see you this happy again. Especially after what happened with Balth-"

"Gabe," Cas cut him off, holding up his hand for effect, "don't ruin my vacation. Now, put on your pants and lets go." Gabe smiled after his brother who was busily replacing his pillow back onto his bed. Finishing making the bed, he left his still-sleepy brother in the room and made his way back down to the kitchen Noticing that his mug was by the sink and Dean's hat was gone, he figured that he should go check the barn for his host/tour guide. Slipping on Dean's boots, he made his way out to the training barn. Right on the mark, he found Dean and Charlie saddling up their horses.

"Morning Castiel! You coming with us on the overnight?" Charlie spoke from over the back of her mare, while Dean finished tightening the girth on his saddle. Castiel almost bounced with excitement, but told himself to knock it off as a thirty year old man didn't need to be jumping for joy.

"Yeah I am Charlie. Gabe is up too, so he will be tagging along. How are you this morning?"

"Doing really well. Uni didn't hurt herself so that's always a plus." Charlie chuckeled to herself as she went off to fetch a saddle and saddle pad. Castiel cocked his head in confusion at what Charlie had said, but Dean filled him in.

"You could put that horse in a padded stall, wrap her in bubble wrap, and tape her down and she would still find a way to hurt herself. Come on, Ill go help you get Beau ready, and Starr for your brother." Dean made his way out of the barn, Hellhound following behind, and waited for Castiel to catch up. Upon reaching the training barn, they spotted Sam talking with a blonde girl, who was affectionately rubbing his arm. Dean cleared his throat, and Sam ducked his head into the shoulder of the girl. Castiel watched as Dean's eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled at the pair. "Glad to see you made it here alright Jess. By the way, Jessica. This is Cas-tiel. He and his brother will be staying here for the next two weeks." Castiel was pleasantly surprised by how sweet her voice was... like honey.

"Pleasure to meet you Castiel. Sam," she gently patted her fiance's head, "go get Eli out. I want to get on the trail fairly soon." She offered a smile to Castiel before shoving Sam's fluffy head off of her shoulder. She turned and walked down a few stalls to get a yellow horse out/ Castiel went to grab Beau from his stall, seeing that he was nibbling on some hay. Putting his halter on his, Castiel led the blue horse out and tied him to the cross-ties. Everyone was saddled up when Gabe finally walked out. Cas turned to Dean.

"What are the extra bags you have at the end of the barn?" Castiel motioned to the three large duffle-looking things. Dean looked slightly surprised at the statement.

"Those are the tents. We are tying them to the saddles of Eli, Dixon, and Starr so that we don't have to sleep with bugs. Saddles are pillows and their saddle blankets double as ours for the night if it gets too cold. Which it shouldn't." Dean grabbed Beaus halter and tied it to the saddle horn, making sure it was secure. He noticed that the others had their halters on their horns too.

"Do I need to ask what the sleeping arrangement is?"

"Sammy and Jess, you and your bro, and Charlie is crashing with me.' As they all led their horses from the barns, two things ran through his head at the same time. 1) just how completely comfortable Dean was around his horses (made Castiel smile) and 2) just how comfortable Dean was with sleeping with Charlie (made Castiel frown). But he couldn't hold a grudge for too long because soon everyone, except for Gabe, was mounted. Charlie hopped off of Unicorn and gave him a helping hand. Quickly they were off. Sam and Jess took the lead, holding hands as they rode side by side, then came Dean and Cas, and following behind was Charlie, teaching Gabe how to ride a horse. Apart from the muttering behind them, Castiel felt relaxed at the silence. The steady thumping of the horses hooves, birds calling from the trees, the swishing of tails were all that filled the air. And Castiel was grateful. The constant humming of the city gave him a headache that was just starting to simmer down. He rode beside Dean in a companionable silence. He noticed that Dean held the reins loosely, his legs were relaxed, his shoulders were partially slumped and that there was a rifle on the side of his nearly black saddle. Dean must have noticed him scrutinizing the weapon.

“Don’t worry; this one is just for protection. Sam has the hunting rifle on his saddle.” They fell back into silence.

“Dean,” Castiel huffed, and then started again. “Dean, thank you for, this. For letting us use your horses and eat your food and everything else.”

“You are very welcome Cas. You know, we have three hours ahead of us, and I still don’t know all that much about you.”

“I could say the same thing.”

“Touché. I ask, you answer, you ask, I answer?” Dean looked over to Castiel who was fiddling with a bit of Beau’s mane.

“Sounds fair. You first.”

“Ok, how old are you?”

“I just turned thirty in May. Same question for you Dean.”

“Twenty-eight as of January. Is Gabe your only sibling?”

“Unfortunately, no. Michael is the eldest, then Gabe, then me, and then our little sister Anna is almost twenty-seven. How about you?”

“By blood relation, yeah Sam is my only sibling. But Jo is my sister, same with Charlie. Benny is my brother. Well, I already know that you’re a doctor, but do you have a specialty?”

“I deal with traumas, do emergency surgery. Gun shots, car accidents, stab wounds.” He choked slightly on that last one. “If you had come into our clinic I most likely would have been your doctor. How often do you bull ride? You really shouldn’t be riding so soon after an injury like that.”

“Thanks doc. I don’t usually. Maybe once or twice a year; it depends on how often I go see my father. Anyone special in your life? Got a ‘Jessica’ on your arm?”

“Um, no- not anymore. My last one, we had been engaged for seven months and dating for three years. He and I were happy. We planned to have a commitment ceremony, this weekend actually. But he- he uh-“ Castiel sniffed, causing Dean to jump in.

“You don’t have to say anymore. I get it. Cheaters suck.” Castiel laughed a little bit, a sad smile spreading on his face, before composing himself enough to respond.

“Balthazar and I were the best of friends. One day, I saw him and it was like seeing him for the first time. After dating for so long and getting engaged- well as much as two men can be- we decided to move in together. This was a year and a half ago. We had only been engaged for a month when we decided this. I was working overtime at the hospital, and he was putting in long hours as the office. He worked in real estate. As seven months rolled around, we were happier than ever, if not tired for working so much to keep up the rent and insurance. I remember the day. Friday the 13th of all days. Zar was out getting groceries, I was at work. The sun had just gone down so it was maybe 7:00 or so. But we got an emergency called in of a man, early thirties, who had been stabbed through the back. I had just gotten off the phone with him a few minutes before, telling him that we needed to get some more bacon for BLT’s the next night. And as the ambulance pulled around, I was there to make sure that the victim was stable. But one of the EMT’s, my good friend Zachariah, actually held me back as they wheeled the gurney by. Zar was on it, shirt soaked in blood, phone still in hand. Usually we aren’t allowed to treat family members or relations, but I was the only surgeon on hand. So, I worked on my fiancé. The blade went through his spine, stomach, part of his liver and out the other side. It hit his descending aorta, one of the major blood vessels in his body. It was the worst of the worst. I fixed his stomach, removed part of his liver, sewed up his blood vessel and put a rod in his back. I gave him the most pain medication I was legally allowed to, and I didn’t go home for three days. And for the one day that I did go home, for twenty minutes to change and shave, I came back and he was gone. His heart stopped and I couldn’t do anything. I essentially killed by lover. I asked for bacon, he went back to get some and then he is stabbed and I couldn’t fix him.” Castiel noticed that he hadn’t been crying. He usually never made it this far without breaking down. “I was told that his injuries were just too much for him to take. Our last words on the phone were ‘see you later’, because neither of us likes goodbyes. Since Zar, I haven’t been able to move out of our apartment. I stil cover traumas but can’t do surgeries anymore… my hands shake even if I try to cut a chicken. But yeah, I currently don’t have anyone other than Gabe. Uh, what about you? Anyone for you?” Dean sat in silence for a moment, taking in the story that Castiel had just spewed. Castiel sat with him mouth in a straight line, feeling the rocking motion of Beau under him.

“No not really. Tracy is a friends with benefits, but she likes Benny, so I am gonna end it. Dude, you didn’t have to tell me all that. Now I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t have to do anything. I haven’t had the opportunity to even tell anyone that didn’t know him. It’s actually the first time I have told anyone his story without breaking down.”

“Well, thanks for sharing then.” They rode quietly for a few minutes, watching Sam and Jess swing their arms between them.

“It’s your turn to ask a question Dean.”

“Oh, Ok. Um, how long have you lived in Pontiac?”

“I grew up there. Went out of state to Stanford for two years then went up to Harvard for my medical license. Came back and never left. How about you? Have you lived in Lawrence all your life?”

“Partially. Mom lived here as a kid. When she and my father got married they took to traveling. We would come home for a week or two during the summer. By the time that they had both Sammy and I, and I was of age to attend school, I had been in almost every state. Then dad and mom got in a fight when I was about four. Mom went upstairs crying and dad kidnapped Sammy and I. Dad would bring us back to the ranch every few years, let us ride horses at night, camp out by the lake. Then we would be off again. Almost five years passed before I saw mom up close again. That’s the picture hanging in the room where you slept. I didn’t want to let go of that horse, or her. But dad took us again. Went to three or four schools a year. Sam made it through with straight A’s, and I barely graduated, but that was mostly because it was just so boring. When Sammy did graduate, as valedictorian, he wanted to go to college. So I took my dad’s keys to the impala, took Sam and ran. We found our way back to the ranch… to my mother. Sam went to Stanford and found Jessica. Mom taught me all she could about the horses, the ranch. Then dad showed up. He and I got in a fight… I should have stopped him; I could smell the bourbon on his breath. Long story short, he ended up in jail, mom in the hospital, and she asked me to pull the plug because she hurt so badly. I always thought that it was her spirit that was broken, not her. So, here we are. Sammy is a lawyer, Jessica is the best thing to ever happen to him, and the ranch is mine.” They walked their horses a little ways farther, before Dean pulled Hellhound to a stop. Castiel followed suit on Beau. Charlie and a slightly pissed off Gabe passed them. Dean waved them on as they walked past, encouraging them forward.

“I guess that both of us didn’t exactly have happy pasts.”

“Yeah I guess so, Cas. You said that your parents were- are, extremely religious. What did they think of you and Balthazer?” Castiel faltered. Did he dare answer the question that he tried so hard to forget? “Sorry, that was really personal.”

“No, it’s fine. I came out in high school, junior year, and my father kicked me out of the house. I stayed with Michael for a time, then to my cousin Hester’s house. Sometimes I was on the streets. I would do work for people and asked to be paid in food. Half ride to Stanford, Gabe helped me pay my way, then almost a full ride to Harvard. My father attended my graduation at Harvard and he and I haven’t really spoken since. He never hit me though, so I guess it wasn’t all that bad. But hey, lets get to a lighter subject. Why are all of your horses named after Monsters? Seriously, what’s with that?” Dean chuckled and urged Hellhound to walk. Castiel followed and was grateful to Dean for rolling with the subject change.

“Uh, that was actually my grandfather’s doing. He, my mom’s dad, had a thing for folklore and mythology. My mom caught onto that. She actually named the Horsemen. I love to learn about that stuff too, so the tradition continues to me. Wanna try something fun?” The glint that Dean held in his eyes shook Castiel slightly.

“Sure?” Dean leaned forward in his saddle and picked up his reins.

“Let’s race.” Hellhound shot out from under him. Castiel let out an echoing laugh and urged Beau forward. A Castiel caught up, his hair had been blown back in a wild frenzy. They passed Charlie and Gabe who were talking, and then Sam and Jess. Dean cut a sharp right just before a line of trees and Castiel high-tailed after him, holding onto the horn of the saddle. He caught up to Dean who shouted words of advice to him over the rushing air. “Sit up, put your hand down, and keep your legs as still as you can. Don’t squeeze on him unless you want him to go faster.” Dean whooped and hollered as he sent Hellhound faster. Castiel followed Dean’s example. They passed the line of trees and came to an open meadow. Castiel could see that past the trees was a line of water, and they were headed right for it. Dean held onto his hat with one hand and looked back as Castiel whose face hurt from the wind and from smiling so much. “HOLD ON!” Dean called as they reached the river. Castiel closed his eyes and Beau bounded right through, splashing water up to Castiel’s thighs. Dean eased his sweaty horse to a walk, and so did Castiel, laughing the entire time.

“I-I haven’t had this much fun in a long time! Wow!” Castiel huffed to Dean who sat smiling at Castiel. He couldn’t stop laughing.

“Come on; let’s get your happy ass to the campsite. It’s just around here.” Dean set off walking, letting Castiel catch up before saying anything else. “You know, this little therapy session has been nice. Thanks for coming with me- us.”

“I am so happy I did. I guess it actually felt nice to get this off of my chest.” And Castiel truly meant that. He felt light as a feather having spoken with Dean.

“Just around here- here we are Cas. Campbell Lake. But, I find that to be a boring name so I call it The Cage. Look, there’s Sam and Jess.” Dean took off at an easy jog, but Castiel stayed back. The lake was in the middle of a small clearing, surrounded on all sides by trees. The water itself was clear and fresh looking, and apparently tasting as Sam bent to scoop some water up into his mouth. Eli and Dixon were tied to trees on the opposite side of the water, their saddles removed. Dean got off of Hellhound and tied him next to Dixon. He turned to greet Charlie and Gabe as they broke through the line of trees. Cas made his way to Dean, who happily took Beau from him. Cas rubbed the inside of his legs, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to walk too well in the morning. He went over to Gabe who had found a felled tree to sit on.

“You look awfully happy baby bro. Have a nice ride?” Gabe stretched his legs out, wincing at the pull of his muscles.

“Gabe, I haven’t been happier in a long time. Dean- he’s good. Makes me laugh and enjoy life. I really like it here. Thank you for dragging me out of my apartment.”

“Anything for you bro. So, you and he were having a pretty serious talk. Wanna share?” He waggled his eyebrows which caused Castiel to grin like a look.

“Uh, I told him about Zar. And about mom and dad.” The silence that followed sat beside them, cloaking them in a heavy and uncomfortable cloth.

“You what?”

“I told him about my past and he told me about his. You have no clue just how much we seem to have in common. Gabe, our pasts are broken, but they are in the past.”

“How can I trust those words coming from a man who still has pictures of his dead fiancé sitting on his dresser?” His voice had grown considerably in volume, causing a curious glance from Jessica.

“Because he loved me more than anyone else did, Gabriel. More than mom, more than dad, everyone. He made me happy. Then he killed me when he dies. But Gabe, let me be happy with someone new.”

“Is he even gay Cassie? Or bi? How do you know that he won’t hurt you?”

“That’s just it Gabriel, I don’t. But even if he and I can’t be, at least I have a real friend.” His eyes glassed over in the joys of talking about the man that finally made his heart beat in excitement and not adrenaline.

 

*DEAN POV*

Dean watched with pain as the argument between Cas and Gabe grew increasingly more dramatic and loud. Even Jessica turned to look at the two sitting on one of the log benches. And then suddenly, the expression on Gabe’s face changed. It went from anger and frustration to that of compassion. Gabe chanced a glance at Dean and then quickly brought his eyes back to his younger brother. Then Cas put a hand on Gabe’s shoulder and then stood. Dean turned his back to Cas and resumed helping Sam put up the pup tents. The old fire pit was still there and Charlie had gone off to collect some more firewood then the small pile at the base of a nearby tree could offer. Jess was rinsing out the pans that were stored in a hollowed out tree trunk. He quickly glanced over his shoulder to check on Castiel but ended up inches away from him and those very blue eyes.

“Jeeze Cas, scared the fuck out of me.”

“My apologies. I was just going to see if you needed any help with the tents or anything.” His eyes gazed across the plains of Dean’s face, and he willed himself to not lean forward or to blush or anything.

“Uh, Charlie is out in the woods collecting some firewood. We could always use some more kindling. Thanks Cas.” He waited as Castiel nodded and set off towards where Charlie was. Sam gave him a light punch in the shoulder, regaining his attention.

“Dean, I have never seen you so enthralled with another human being so badly in my entire life.” Sam’s hazel eyes were filled with wonder at his older brother who might or might not have been drooling over the doctor’s slim but nicely trimmed waist.

“Shut up Sammy. But, yeah. He’s pretty awesome Sammy. He’s funny and caring, and he has this laugh that just… I like him.” Dean looked back to where Castiel had disappeared into the line of trees before looking back to his “little” brother.

“Dean, that much is obvious. You hate teaching people how to ride. You haven’t taken your eyes off of him since he got here.” Sam paused to nail down a stake for the second tent. “You and him had a nice long conversation back on the trail. Jess and I kept looking back at you but you were so enthralled with each other that you didn’t even notice.” Dean hesitated; green eyes dancing with concern.

“He- he told me about his past. I told him about ours.” He held up a hand to keep Sam from interrupting. “I felt bad. He practiced as a surgeon, well did. He and his long-time boyfriend, and recent fiancé, had just moved in together. The fiancé got hurt and Cas had to do surgery on him… couldn’t save him. I felt that he and I could bond over shitty pasts. And then he said that he got kicked out of the house for being gay… he made it to Harvard for his medical degree. He had a rough past and I thought I should share mine.” Dean smiled at the recent memory of Cas figuring out that he wasn’t the only one with a broken past. His blue eyes lit up, almost matching the color of the sky.

“Dean, I think that’s awesome. But, did you tell him about dad?”

“I grazed over it. No details. Dad’s still only our story to tell.” They finished up on the tent and moved onto the third and final one. Dean looked up to his younger brother. “Sam? What do I do now? I don’t want to hit on him, his fiancé only died a year ago. But how do I help him?”

“Honestly? Just be yourself. I think it’s doing wonders for him.” They looked back up to see Charlie and Cas come out of the tree line, both sets of arms filled with wood. But Dean stood entranced by Castiel’s smile. It lit up his face. He didn’t hear Sam calling to him.

“Dean! Finally, hi! THIS is why you need to stay friends with him. Look, I got this last one. Go talk to his brother some.” The tent hadn’t even begun to take shape yet/

“You sure?”

“I’m positive. Go, I’ve got this covered.” Dean flashed a smile to his brother and went to go sit down next to Gabe on the log.

“So, how was riding a horse for three hours?” Dean chuckled as Gabe moaned in pain.

“Fun. I think I am going to have a wedgie for at least a week.” He made of show of sitting awkwardly on the log. “I’m glad that you came over here, I was hoping to be able to talk with you.” He sat up farther, wincing slightly in pain “Look, Cas, he is a good guy. Never had a real string of good luck to put on his name. But I just- I wanted to say thank you.” That caught Dean by surprise. “I haven’t even seen Cas smile since him and Balthazar. You’re good for him. And, even if you are straight, he is going to want you as a friend.”

“Straight? Is that because of Tracy? I’m bi, but she’s the only person willing to be a friend with benefits.”

“Well good. Clear that up with him sometime, OK? Good. Now one last thing I want to say to you. If you break his heart I will break you. Now I’ve gotta go pee. Catch you later Dean-O.” Gabe stood with some difficulty and made his way to the trees, leaving Dean alone on the log. Sam was just finishing up the tent, and firewood was collected and stacked, the pots were washed, and now they just needed food.

“Sammy! Let’s go look for diner.” He got up, brushing the bits of bark off his backside and made his way over to his brother.

“I think we are going to have to stick with rabbit for today, I didn’t see any large trails on the way here.” Dean looked down guiltily for a moment; that was usually his job on the way to the lake.

“That sounds good to me Sammy. Let’s go get some grub.” He grinned to his brother and left to grab the .22 long rifle from his brother’s saddle and waited as Sam finished up the final tent. Dean glanced over his shoulder to see Castiel and Charlie laughing over a pile of kindling. He smiled at the picture it made. He turned as Sam clapped him on the back.

“Let’s go get you a rabbit.” He gave Dean a warm smile and together they made their way out into the woods. Not oven a full half hour later they returned with three small rabbits and a small turkey. As they returned they were greeted with uproarious applause from Jessica, Charlie, Gabe and Castiel. They day passed in lazy conversation, kisses between Sam and Jessica, and Charlie telling stories from her days on the circuit. As the sun began to set they built up a fairly large fire, sending sparks up into the inky sky. The rabbits were roasted and the turkey carved and made into a stew. And the entire afternoon Dean couldn’t tear his eyes away from the excited face of Doctor Castiel Novak. The blue of the day melted into black, Dean’s heart thumped harder for the city-slicker. They talked in joyous ways, Castiel sharing a few horror stories from his time in the trauma bay. Soon enough, it got late enough that Sam, Jessica, Charlie and Gabe headed off to bed, Leaving Castiel and Dean alone by the fire. The fire had died down quite a bit, casting warm light onto the two men.

“Castiel, do you like the stars?” Dean turned to the man who was leaned back, looking at the darkened sky and the few viable stars. He dropped his face to Dean.

“Yeah I do why?”

“Come on, I want to show you something.” Dean stood, extending an invitation to Castiel to follow, who did, smiling from ear to ear. Dean made his way over to Hellhound and Beau who were standing side by side. Removing their halters and putting on their bridles, Dean motioned Castiel forward. “Give me your left leg.” Castiel just cast him a confused glance that Dean couldn’t help but smile at, because of the lack of saddles on the horses. “Trust me Cas.” He extended his hand out to Castiel, looking deep into those sapphire eyes of his. Castiel reached out one hand and took his in a matter of understanding that he would be safe. Dean almost gasped at how soft his hands were. But quickly, he dropped Castiel’s hand and bent to grab his left leg. “Now jump.” He pushed as Castiel jumped, getting him to land squarely on Beau’s back. Dean handed him the reins and went to where Hellhound was patiently waiting. He easily jumped and swung his leg over the back of his horse.

“You made that look so easy Dean!” Castiel said, too loudly for the middle of the night.

“Not so loud Cas,” he stage whispered. “I’ve had lots of practice. Follow me.” He gazed over to Castiel as they started walking. About ten minutes later they found a large meadow and hopped off their horses. Dean took both sets of reins and tied the horses to a nearby tree. He turned back just in time to see Castiel sit down on the grass, head tilted to the stars. He walked towards the doctor, leather clad feet swishing in the tall grass.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“Go ahead.” Dean sat next to Castiel who hadn’t even looked at him as he approached. “I can’t believe that this is your life. I’ve never seen so many stars before.”

“You see more out here than at the camp site because the light of the fire was blinding out some of the weaker shining stars. But this is why I love it out here. The thick white band of stars is the milky way.” He eventually looked up to the cloudless night, at the sky nearly white from the stars. He turned so that he was sitting right beside Cas, and laid back, arms crossed under his head. “I do remember something that my mother always told me… before my dad took us. She would say ‘Angels are watching over you.’ I never quite understood what that meant until I was about 14. Dad, Sammy and I moved to a town about an hour from here, so I got to meet most of my friends. But I was out here one night with Charlie. We stole some of the horses from the barn and came out here, around this time of year- late summer. We brought a large blanket with us and laid it out. And that night, we counted the stars. When meteors started to fly through the night, Charlie said that those were angels leaving Heaven to grant people’s wishes. That was the first time I ever wished on a falling star. You know what I wished for Cas?” He looked up to the quiet man. “I wished that I could have a family; A real one where my dad didn’t drink and that I would have a mom to read bedtime stories. Here we are though… fourteen years later with a family. Sure, Bobby drinks like a sailor and Ellen didn’t even read to her own daughter, but I have a family.” The sound of crickets calling into the night soothed the air that was disturbed by Dean’s story. Castiel laid back next to him, elbows touching.

“The first time I ever wished on a falling star I asked for a cat.” Dean giggled and turned to look at Castiel. “And not just any cat. I wanted a cat that could talk. One that was big and orange like Garfield.” Soon both men were laughing, voices echoing through the trees. They eventually quieted, sighing into the night.

“Cas?” Dean turned onto his side, one arm still under his head, the other playing with the long grass between them. Castiel turned towards Dean, mimicking his body language. “You should know that… that I- I don’t only find girls attractive. I’ve dated a few, but I’ve also been with a few guys. And I- I really want to learn everything about you. Your soft spots, how you like to be held. I know that this is still so soon after, you and… well yeah, and also this this is very forward and-“

“Dean.” Castiel’s eyes fell into line with Dean’s, causing warmth to spread from his toes to his nose. Castiel scooted forward, leaning up onto his elbow.

“Yeah Cas?” Dean wanted to grab onto him and never let him go, but he felt that if he let go of the grass he would float up and never come back down.

“Shut up.” The smile on the other man’s face was equal to the full moon that appeared from behind the trees. He leaned forward, but Dean let his world go dark as he shut his eyes, only focusing on the feel of those slightly chapped lips against his own. Dean reached one arm up, snaking it behind Castiel’s head as he felt a hand cup his jaw. The nearly black hair was thick and soft. The kiss was fleeting, but the intensity stretched across the galaxy. They broke apart and stared at one another for what felt like eternity to Dean. He counted the constellations in Cas’ eyes before he laid back down. Castiel snuggled up on his chest. Dean reached around and laced his fingers with Castiel’s, glad they opened up so easily for him. Together they laid in the lush green meadow, crickets singing in their ears, and making wishes in the stars that fell across the sky. That was the only kiss they shared that night, but Dean didn’t mind. He counted out 721 stars before realizing that Castiel had fallen asleep on his chest. Dean didn’t need any more prompting and soon, he himself was floating on clouds. He raced to catch Castiel who had grown a pair of diamond wings.


	5. Crows Are Good Luck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jump ahead two weeks and Castiel is leaving the ranch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I experimented with no POV (I think), so let me know down in the comments how it read. I apologize for it being such a long time since I added anything (or even edited the last chapter), but finals are finally upon us and, being a senior, I have so much on my plate at the moment. Yes this is written out like I planned, and you will see how I plan to do the rest of this as the chapters come.

The next morning they woke up to cotton candy colored clouds drifting lazily across the sky. Castiel rubbed his eyes with one hand before curling back into the warmth that was beside him. Castiel stilled- the warm thing was moving, was breathing, and was… snoring. His eyes flashed open and he sat up onto his elbows in the slightly wet grass. On the ground next to him was Dean, cowboy hat sitting on his face, blocking out the early morning sun that was just beginning to creep up through the line of trees. Cas looked around them to the meadow. It was thickly covered in dark green grass with bunches of wild flowers sprouting up in odd places. Hellhound and Beau were tied nest to each other on a low sitting branch, their bodies touching, and their heads hanging low. Their deep breaths were just able to be hear in the silent air as the birds had yet to wake up from their own slumber. Castiel tried to even his breathing out and grab hold of the flutter of nerves that sprung up suddenly. The heavy body on the ground beside him stirred and mumbled into the morning air. One calloused hand reached over to where Castiel had just been lying- but found nothing. His muffled voice sounded out from under the hat.

“Cas? Are you there?” Castiel reached over to the other man’s hand and patted it gently, urging him to awake.

“Yeah I am Dean. Good morning.” The hat slid off of his face as Dean sat up next to Cas. He took a large breath of the fresh air and smiled at the crispness of it.

“How long have you been awake?” His voice shook with roughness, the early morning putting a strain on his vocal cords. He sat up all the way and Castiel noticed a small wet stain on his back where his shoulders had been pressed into the ground. Cas sat up next to him.

“Only a few minutes. This is a very beautiful place to be. Where exactly are we?” Cas kept his gaze on the meadow. A single bird chirped in the distance, but not another sound was made apart from the rustling of fabric from their shirts as they made themselves comfortable.

“I don’t really have a name for this place. But I would come out here when I wanted to see the stars more than at the camp. I used to love riding out here all on my own. Even Sammy doesn’t know about this place… well I haven’t told him about it and he hasn’t told me about it so I assume that it is my own secret place to be.” He stretched out his long legs and rubbed his right knee in small circles.

“That’s good. Having a place all to yourself.” He too reached his legs out and put his arms above his head, in his usual habit of stretching his back out as soon as he wakes up. All of a sudden, a rush of memories hit Castiel. The crickets singing their sad love song, the way that Dean’s emerald eyes shone with surprise and then closed with lust; the way that Castiel laid heavily on Dean the remainder of the night. A hand waved in front of his face and Cas was plunged back into reality.

“Whoa, you OK there? You kind of spaced out on me.” Green eyes locked onto his as he turned his face towards Dean. Cas half nodded.

“Ye-yeah. I just remembered… last night.” Dean’s eyes shone in slight amusement.

“You are just now remembering that?”

“Yes I am. We kissed last night.”

“That we did. But if I am remembering correctly, you kissed me first.” He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach the corners of his eyes like Castiel liked. Castiel’s own face was frozen in shock at recounting the night.

“Dean, I am so sorry! I- I didn’t mean to-“ He stumbled over his words, trying to comprehend the situation before him. His hands fluttered about in the air, desperately searching for a good enough apology for the man sitting to his left. But as he was grasping the air for thoughts, two scratchy hands clamped down on his own soft ones, and pulled them to the ground. Castiel let his hands be transferred into just one of Dean’s while his free hand turned Cas’ face to his own.

“Castiel. I never told you to stop. I kissed you back. Trust me; you have nothing to apologize for.” Castiel found his breathing to be evening out and took a large breath.

“Well- good then. But there is one more thing. Our brothers were expecting us back last night. What do we tell them?”

“My brother doesn’t really care. He knows that I sneak off in the night when we go camping. It’s kind of my thing. I don’t know what to say for your brother. I do know that Charlie will give us a hard time about being gone though. Do you want to head back to the camp?” He searched Cas’ electric blue eyes, hoping that he would say ‘no’ so that they could stay out here for a little while longer.

“If we could, yes. I want to make sure that my brother didn’t get attacked by squirrels or anything.” Castiel stood, sliding his hands out of Dean’s, who sighed gently at the answer. But he stood nonetheless as well.

“Ok then. Let’s head on back to base camp.” He made his way through the long grass back to the horses, picking his hat up on the way over. Castiel somehow managed to get there first, and doing what he saw Dean do the night before, swung up easily onto the back of Beau. Dean chuckled as he got to the horses. “Dude, untie the horse first so that you have something to hold onto.” He easily undid the pliable reins from the tree branch and handed them up to the now blushing doctor.

“Thanks.” Castiel set the reins in one hand and waited for Dean to untie Hellhound and mount up. They urged their horses forward, Dean leading the way.

“So… I was thinking… do you want to have a little fun when we get back into the camp? Charlie won’t be up until the birds sing, and if Sam and Jess are awake then they are just in their tent reading or some shit. Is Gabe a heavy sleeper?” they walked companionably side by side as they made their way through the trees. The trees themselves were thin, but they were fairly spaced out for the most part as well. Not completely foresty, but absolutely woody.

“Yeah he usually is; especially when he gets to a really relaxing place like this. Not sure how heavy we will be sleeping because he is on the ground though. Why?” They had gotten back to the river and started following up upstream.

“Because, I want to make sure that Charlie doesn’t give us any bullshit on staying out all night, and because I figure that you could use a good prank in the morning to make your day… even if it might ruin theirs.” He laughed gently into the still air. “Wanna try it?” Castiel cast a confused glance his way, and Dean smiled widely at how Cas cocked his head like a bird.

“What would we be trying? I don’t want to injure my brother.” Dean laughed a little louder at that.

“No, don’t worry. We wouldn’t be hurting them or anything. Just waking them up in a little bit of an unexpected way. Can Gabe swim?” Castiel cocked his head even more and then shook it out, sending his nearly black hair sweeping across his forehead.

“Yeah. He was the top swimmer for his high school swim team, and then also joined the diving team. Went all the way to nationals. Dean, are we throwing them into the lake?”

“It’s less of a lake and more like a large pond. But ultimately, yes we will be throwing them into the water. But as soon as we get to the camp, we are going to saddle our horses really quickly and then unzip their tents. I’ll conduct you the rest of the way once we get there.” Dean stood in his stirrups, and Castiel _totally_ didn’t stare at his perfect butt, to see if they were getting close to the camp. Apparently they were. “We should actually be there in just a few minutes.”

“A few minutes? But we were racing around forever out here last night.”

“But we took a few detours. Following this water up to the tree that has the three large trunks and pile of rocks beside it, we will then take a right and go down until we are at a giant boulder. From there we go left and are at the camp. Really not all that hard to find if you know where it is because the landmarks are so obvious.”

“That’s good then. How much did we travel last night?”

“Well the short route is only a few miles. We only went a few miles the way we went anyways, but it just felt shorter, and longer, because we were loping the entire way. We circled around the opposite side of the camp to get to the meadow.”

“Cool. Did you know that the place that you live is completely perfect? Like, the trees and the meadows and the rivers and the land and the house and everything else? I completely love this place. It’s like a complete vacation spot for cheesy tourists to come with their Polaroid cameras and their fanny packs.”

“Well thank you. I really love it here too. Do people really still have those kinds of cameras?”

“I know I do. I have a friend who still sells the blank films and can process them. I don’t usually travel with it because you can’t find them anymore, but they take such awesome photos. Even if they are grainy, the colors are always so bright.”

“I guess I never really noticed that about them. Oh, here we are. Ok. Now we use quiet voices and don’t step on any twigs.” They made their way around to where the saddles were and quickly got their horses situated. Dean grabbed two long ropes from the tent bags and gave one to Cas who was just mounting up again. Dean stage whispered up to the doctor, who looked down with excited eyes. “Ok, I am going to open their tents and then get on Hellhound. From there, follow my exact lead. Got it?

“Got it.” He whispered back, and grabbed onto Hellhounds reins as Dean made his way to the tents of Gabe and Charlie and proceeded to unzip the doors of them. As Dean made his way back, Castiel asked just how deep that water was.

“Goes to my waist about halfway in, then to my shoulders in the very middle. But we will only be putting them into the shallow end on the water.” Dean hopped on, and thanked Cas for holding onto his horse for him.  They made their way to the tents on horseback, steering clear of as many twigs and leaves as they could. Dean dropped the looped end of the roped down to the poles at the back of the tent, put it under the two back poles and then threaded the rest of the rope through the original loop. Castiel followed on Gabe’s tent beside Charlie’s. Dean gathered the remaining rope in his hand and put it low next to the saddle horn. Dean mouthed over to Castiel, ‘when I say pull, move Beau to the water. Gently. 3…2…1!’ And the two of them started dragging their luggage the short distance to the water’s edge. Small grumbling noises were made in both tents, but as soon as they hit the water, a piercing scream echoed out from the tent Charlie was in. A second later, a yell came from Gabe’s. Dean dropped the rope. “RUN!” he yelled, and Hellhound shot off. Now Castiel realized why they would need their saddles. The shot through the trees, never straying too far from the camp. They stopped in a small clearing near the camp site, where they watched with fear as Charlie and Gabe emerged from the water. They could hear them talking

‘Dean! You shit head, Voldemort loving, cock sucking, piece of loathsome, foul smelling SHIT!”

“Charlie, calm down it was only a prank.”

“You do realize that Cas pulled your tent into the water right beside him?”

“Oh, I thought Dean pulled both of us.”

“Horses are strong, but Dean can only hold onto so much weight. Yeah, that was your brother.”

“Oh shit. CASTIEL! Get out here!”

“Wait! I know where they are.” She fell silent and Dean and Cas exchanged worried looks as she quickly saddled up Unicorn and Starr. They got on, and then Charlie pointed right to where Dean and Cas were hiding out.

“Oh shit.” Dean turned Hellhound as hard as he could and sprinted away. Cas looked at where dean had just turned from, and Saw Charlie barreling straight for him.

“Shitshitshitshitshit.” He too turned and went off after Dean who was just a cloud of dust at this point. Eventually he caught up to the cowboy and they ran side by side, laughing all the way while Charlie’s shouts of protest of being dragged into the lake flew by them like gun shots in an old western movie. Close enough that you can hear them whizzing by but never close enough to hit its target. A little while later Charlie gave up the chase and left a laughing Dean and Castiel to themselves in the trees.

“That was so much fun! I can’t believe that we just did that!” Castiel laughed out loud and doubled over the saddle horn, holding onto his side for support. Dean was doing the same thing but his face didn’t hold joy, it held pain and fear. “Dean?” Castiel stopped laughing immediately.

“I think I ribbed my stitches. Shit.” Dean lifted his hand from his side and gently peeled his shirt back from where his wound was. A small pool of blood has seeped through the bandage.

“Dean, we need to get you back so I can clean that and get it re-stitched. Which way to the camp?” Castiel offered to put his hand on Dean’s side, but the cowboy gently swatted it away.

“It’s fine, Cas, really. I’ve blown stitches before. I can get it myself later. But if you really want, camp is back there. But be warned… there is a very wet and angry Charlie, and possibly Gabe, waiting for us.” He pointed through a line of trees, and Cas turned Beau towards it before stopping in his tracks.

“You’ve given yourself stitches before?”

“Yeah. When dad, Sam and I were on the road, we didn’t have any health insurance so I had to learn how to do stitches. There was a huge gash on my leg when I was eleven and dad refused to take us to a hospital because we were runaways, so I picked up a needle and thread, and copied what I saw on a pillow. Over, under, through-the-loop, repeat. Done it on Sammy too. Come on doc; don’t let your jaw drop. You will catch flies out here. Let’s go and get out stuff.” Dean walked Hellhound through the trees, knowing that Castiel would follow behind quickly. And he did, as soon as he closed his mouth because he just saw a knat zoom by.

“Did you at least clean the wounds before you stitched them up?”

“Yes I did. With water and soap and everything. BTW, super glue works great on little cuts, and never use Dawn dish soap to try to clean wounds. That shit hurts like a bitch and doesn’t come out.”

“Yes, very good observation there Dean. But seriously, don’t even think about trying to stitch that one up yourself. Let me do it. I am a surgeon.”

“When was the last time you did stitches though?” Castiel paused. His mind. His mouth. His horse. His entire life paused. _When was the last time that I did stitches? Was it on Zar?_ “Cas?”

“The last time I did stitches was on Zar. Maybe you should do them.” He walked his horse off, trotting actually back to the camp. Dean looked on at Castiel, finally seeing for the first time that the back of his shirt had the AC/DC band on the back of it. He finished walking to the camp, not enjoying the silence as much as he usually does. When he arrived, he found Castiel standing next to an untacked Beau and was letting him eat some grass, halter on his head and bridle sitting in a nearby tree. Dean walked up to him.

‘You alright Castiel? I didn’t mean to upset you.” Castiel sighed and reached over to Beau, scratching his blue-grey neck.

“I know you didn’t mean to. Nobody does. But for some fucking reason, loosing Zar still hurts. I don’t get it. I’ve gone to enough therapy to last a life time. I know that I couldn’t have done anything to save him. I know that I am feeling completely responsible though for not being there when he died. I know that I am feeling helpless about the fact that I don’t have anyone to go home to. But you know what I just realized Dean?” He looked up to Dean, boring a hole right between those pretty green eyes of his. “My hands haven’t stopped shaking. They always shake. Whenever I pick up a coffee mug, or try to tie my shoes. My hands shake. I haven’t stitched up someone in more than a year. Haven’t performed surgery on anyone in more than a year. Haven’t even held a scalpel in more than a year. What kind of fucking doctor am I that I can’t even cut someone open?!” He took a deep breath, realizing that his voice had risen to an alarming volume. “That last one came out wrong, but you get the point.” He turned away, not wishing to see the pity that Dean held for him, and wished that the tanned man with the black cowboy hat and perfect smile would just- just go away. He wasn’t expecting Dean to speak however. Especially not to say what he did.

“I get it Cas. Trust me I do. Do you really think that I don’t get what it’s like to lose a family member? You think that I don’t know what it’s like to feel pain?” His voice too was growing, but Dean ignored that small fact. “I know _exactly_ what that feels like. My father is put away behind bars for what he did. He cost my mother her life. He called her a demon for producing kids that were so ill behaved. My mother died because of a stab wound too, Cas. The difference here is that she was looking at him when it happened, and I just so happen to know who the guy is that put the blade there in the first place. He was so drunk, alcohol was seeping from his pores. He reeked of whiskey, and yet I didn’t stop him from going into the kitchen. Because I brought him home from a bar. I brought his sorry ass home to my mother who was heating up some leftover lasagna in the microwave when he walked in. I set him down in the living room and went to go take a piss. And just like that Cas, like you said, I had just gotten done talking to him and- and to her, and then- boom. There is a knife in her diaphragm. He said that her eyes were black, that she spoke and said that her name was Azazel. He said that she was a monster. I heard her choke on her own blood, I saw him step away from her. I saw him crumple to the ground. I saw her hit the ground next to him. I never saw him even try to touch her. I know what pain is Castiel. I know that my father killed my mother. I know that when I left to take her to the hospital I left Sam in charge of him, and he turned on the oven and put a towel inside. I came back to a blackened house and three firetrucks. The kitchen is my design, how I remembered it to be when I was really little. I know what pain is. My heart still hurts every time I step into the kitchen. That was my mom’s coffee mug, the one that is my favorite. I put my mother in the hospital, and then I put my father in jail. My mother got an infection and then her lungs collapsed and then there wasn’t anything that I could do for her. So I had to pull the plug for my own mother. So don’t try to get me to pity you. We both have shit-tastic lives. Deal with it. But you know what? When my mother died and my father was thrown in jail, I didn’t go back to work. Ask Sam. I ran. I took my dad’s car. I took his money. I ran and I drank and I’ve only been back for a year and a half. I got so drunk that I pissed myself on more than one occasion. I am pretty sure that I have a kid out there somewhere with a gorgeous mother and that kid is asking ‘Where’s my dad?’ and she has to tell him that he was some random guy that picked her up one night because he was so drunk that he couldn’t tell the back end of a donkey to the front end of a toilet. I came back to the ranch about three months ago, got more money and then bought a motorcycle. I drove it to six different bull rides in a row. I’ve had four concussions in the past nine months. And every once in a while, I decide to go see my father in jail. But you know what happens when I do that? I go out and get smashed, again, and go to a bull ride, again, and get thrown off, again. But I never learn. Why don’t I ever learn Cas? Because the pain is so mind-numbingly beautiful that I get high off of it. So don’t pull the pity card on me. We’ve both been through a ton if shit.”

“I never pulled the pity card on you Dean! I hate pity. But I still go to work every day. I still do the best that I can!”

“The best that you can? ‘I haven’t held a scalpel in more than a year. What kind of doctor am I?’ You are just fishing for empty compliments. Your line is cast; the bait on the hook is tempting. But don’t cast into the ocean for a trout when there are sharks nearby.”

“Shut up with the cheap analogies Dean! Have you ever even _been_ to the beach? Congratulations on losing your parents. Boo-hoo that they are dead and in jail. Your mother welcomed you with open arms when you came back to her. She didn’t kick you out of the house because you fuck guys.”

“No but my father left me on the side of the road in the middle of Nevada because I did. I fucked a guy and dad found out. Drove us out to the middle of fucking nowhere and plopped me out into the dust. He took off. Do you realize that you get dehydrated really quickly when you are put in the middle of a desert in August? No shade, or towns or nothing. At least when your parent’s kicked you out they did it in the city where there is fucking water.”

“Yeah, old bottled water from trash cans that other people had already drunken out of. I did that for two years and then got a job, and still couldn’t even afford water because every cent of a tip I was making I was putting away for college. At least I fucking went to college!”

“I went to college! I got a degree in mechanics for Christ sake!”

“That’s a degree? Your little brother is a lawyer, Dean. THAT is a degree.” Castiel realized that what he had just said had crossed the line. Not the other stuff. But the fact that his little brother had a better degree than him and he had already told Castiel that he had tried his absolute hardest in school to even get a diploma, let alone a degree. And Castiel, though only being an inch or two short then Dean was, cowered in the shadow that his well-muscled body cast. Dean loomed over him; an oncoming storm with no warning. A hurricane flecked with fire.

“How. Dare. You.” And with that, Dean threw Hellhounds reins over the nearly black horse’s head, hopped on, and was gone is a puff of dust, to which Castiel blew out of his nose in anger. He stared at the dark spot that was Dean until he turned behind some trees and was gone from his line of sight. He only realized that their entire conversation had been heard by the four other people at the camp when the dust settled and all eight eyes were staring at him in shock. Jessica was half hiding behind Sam.

“I- I don-“ Castiel couldn’t even think of the words that he so desperately wished will fill his mouth. _That’s not what I meant to say. I didn’t mean it like that. He’ll come back, right?_ But it was Sam who crept forward first, long arm outstretched in a gesture of kindness.

“Castiel, he will be back. Don’t worry. You both just need some time to cool off, think things over, and then tonight we will have a proper sit down conversation. Ok?” He clasped Castiel’s shoulder gently- as gently as he could- and then took the lead rope from Castiel to lead Beau back to the tree next to Eli. He then spoke to everyone else, letting Cas alone with his thoughts. “Ok, let’s start to get stuff packed up. Charlie, will you take care of the pans while Gabe and I get the tents taken care of?” She mumbled a ‘yes’ and went off to collect and wash the pots and pans that they had used. Sam gave Jess his ‘help’ face and she nodded, not even having to ask what the help was for. She went over to Cas and wrapped her, surprisingly, strong arms around him.

“That was very good for you guys. For as long as I have known Dean, he has never talked about his family at all, so that was a special treat for all of us to hear. And I understand why you can’t do surgery anymore Cas. Losing someone is hard, and even though you know that you aren’t responsible for the course of action that nature took, you can’t help but feel helpless when a situation like that is out of control. Don’t let his words get to you Cas. We will talk about this later tonight. For now, go take a pee, we are leaving soon.” She gave him a light kiss on the cheek before going to help Charlie finish with the pans at the edge of the water. He stood in silence as the day passed around him. Dean didn’t come back. Sam and Gabe got the tents packed up and put on the horses. Beau was saddled for him. The pans were suddenly gone, but Charlie said that they go hidden in a nearby tree. They got on their horses, and made their way back to the ranch. Dean still wasn’t there. He didn’t show up at one. Or two. Or four. Or at eight. But finally the familiar thump of hooves echoed on the gravel out-front. Sam ran down the stairs to meet him before he got to the barns. Castiel hadn’t been able to fall asleep, and Gabe had stayed up as late as he could but had passed out not too long ago. He heard their words through the slightly open window.

“You are going to talk to him.”

“No”

“Yes you are.”

“Why?”

“Because I fucking said so and because he is your guest and because I am a lawyer and I can be very persuasive when I want to be.”

“No. I I don’t care.”

“You would care if your mug went missing. You would care if the photo of all of us in front of our grandparent’s house went missing. You would care if I took all the booze in our house away and took your cards and your cash.”

“I have stock piles of liquor.”

“I know where they all are. I am your brother. I am supposed to know these things about you.”

“Sam-“

“You are going to talk to him. Now.”

“But-“

“No but’s. I will walk you to the barn, and then walk you to the house. And then I will walk you to Castiel’s room and I will sit there as you have your conversation. Do you understand?”

“But Sam!”

“I asked if you understood, and I already said no buts.”

“Yes I fucking understand. I don’t get why you have to be the big brother. I am older than you. I should be the big brother.”

“But maturity doesn’t always happen in the order we expect it to. Some of us are just better at reasoning then others.”

“Don’t become my shrink Sam.”

“I had to take two classes of psych to get my lawyer badge on my boy-scout vest Dean.” Their voices and footsteps faded into the night. And all too soon, he could hear the back door open. Then voices in the kitchen. Then the creaking of the stairs. And finally, a knock came on his door.

“Castiel? It’s Sam. I have Dean with me. We are going to talk.”

“He might not be awake. Let’s just go to bed.”

“And have you put another hole in your wall? No. That’s my wall too and I am tired fixing patches on my side. Cas,” Sam spoke to the door again, “I can hear you. Open up.” Slowly, the door opened and Castiel invited the hosts into his rented bedroom. Cas sat back down into his bed, crossing his legs Indian style. Sam shoved Dean onto the bed as well. And Sam plopped down next to Gabe, who woke up, grumbled at being woken up, and then turned over and went back to sleep in seconds. “Ok. You both got some really good anger out of your systems earlier today, that’s really good. Now, I want you to fucking talk about your problems. Each time you wake Gabe up you have to have another ten minutes in this fucking room. Half an hour starts now.”

“Sam? Since when did you become a psychiatrist?”

“When it’s nearly eleven and both Jess and I have to work tomorrow and you fucking suck for literally running off. Talk.” Sam sat back farther onto the bed and watched as Dean and Castiel shot weary glances at one another. Finally it was Castiel who broke the silence.

“I shouldn’t have said what I did.  Mechanic degree is a real degree. I would never know what the hell is wrong with my car. I apologize for bashing your degree choice.”

“I am sorry I brought up the whole ‘last time you did stitches’ thing. I got them taken care of. Jo did it for me. She’s really good with a needle. She patched me up. And yes she cleaned it out. She went to school to become a nurse but when the expenses got to be too much she had to drop out. She got the basic knowledge in though, so that’s good.”

“Yeah I guess it is. I don’t know what we are supposed to talk about. Do you?”

“Not a clue. Sammy/ What are we supposed to be talking about.”

“Your feelings. Your favorite color. Shit if I know… I’m a lawyer who has work at seven tomorrow, so hurry it up.”

“Fine. Cas I really am sorry about what I said earlier. Your troubles are valid. You have a right to be angry and upset and I was a total douche for running off and, literally, leaving you in the dust. It was childish.”

“Yes it was.” Dean balked at the statement. “What you did was childish. But so was the argument in general. Seriously? ‘Who has the worst life?’ Like you said, we both have had pretty shitty lives. Your shitty life just so happens to be happening a little closer to now then mine is. But we both deserve a second chance at this. At having a better life.”

“Yeah I guess we do. So how do we do that? It’s not like you can just start cutting people open again… I can’t just get mom back or dad out of jail.”

“No, and I can’t get Zar bath either. But that’s the point. We learn from our mistakes. And if those mistakes happen to be from our loved ones, then so be it. You learned that you can’t trust your father if he is drinking so much, and I learned that I can’t save everyone… no matter if I think I can.”

“So what? I still can’t get her back. Dad learned his lesson and won’t be out in two years, if not longer.”

“Well, what you can learn is that family is precious and that you should be spending more time with them than at a bar or in the garage being all mechanic-y and stuff.”

“And you could learn to not hold yourself to such high expectations. And to not perform on loved ones.”

“That was a rule anyway, but it was so late… nobody else was there.”

“So stop blaming yourself for that thing you couldn’t control.”

“Then you stop blaming yourself for not being there at that exact moment when _it_ happened.”

“Both of you, stop blaming yourselves. Ten minutes left.” Sam had leaned back over the Gabe sized lump on the bed, and was obviously trying not to fall asleep.

“Shit, did we wake Gabe?”

“No. But you need to keep talking. Now… favorite colors?”

“I personally love the color of blue from a fire, that deep intensity that it’s almost white. I like that.” Castiel answered slowly, unsure if Sam was joking or not. Obviously not because he didn’t say anything in retaliation.

“I like black. But I have this reddish shirt, almost maroon- jeez that’s a girly word- but I don’t wear it very often. But it’s soft and has gone through a lot. I like that color… that maroon color.”

“Would you rather-“

“Really?”

“Trying to get through the last ten minutes.” Sam sat up on the bed next to them, Gabe rolling over to re-find that spot of warmth.

“Just be done with it. If you are going to kiss or anything, let me get out of the room first.”

“We won’t kiss.” The two men looked at each other, surprised at their synchronization in those three words. But ultimately they were said, and Dean and Sam stood and left the room moments later. But just before Cas crawled back under his covers, a light tap on his door sounded.

“Come in?” It was Dean. Only his shoulder and head showed, like he was ready to leave at any second.

“We are good right? Like, tomorrow won’t be weird?”

“It shouldn’t be. Sleep well Dean.”

“Yeah, you too.” He ran a rand through his short thick hair and then closed the door behind him. He leaned up against the wall, catching his breath before making his way back to his room- he resisted the urge to make another hole, but got out his bottle of Jack Daniels from the carved out inside of a high-school copy of Moby Dick. Castiel in the other room however lay awake, wishing that sleep would find and comfort his heavy soul. But to no avail did that happen, and he only got to sleep when the sky was just turning cotton candy pink.

The rest of the two weeks passed relatively quickly for both Castiel and for Dean. They didn’t have any more fights (at least none to that statue) and got along famously whenever they all went on a trail ride. Castiel fixed up Dean’s stitches the second time they popped and then popped Sam’s shoulder back into place when the two decided to wrestle. Gabe was forever in the kitchen, mixing up pies and sugary treats that most dentists wouldn’t even want to sniff for fear of a cavity. They would spend all day in the saddle and all night telling tales and ghost stories by the fire place. They even went to a karaoke night at The Roadhouse because Jo was having an off day and wanted to laugh and get drunk. And even once in a while, the two shared a moment only with themselves, usually ending up in a kiss. That only happened a few times though. But that doesn’t matter now, because Castiel and Gabe were packing up their bags. They never did make it to sleeping in the cabins out back, even though Ash scrubbed them to a shine. As Castiel folded his shirts, he recalled when he and Dean had happened upon them on one of their trail rides.

_The sun had already been up for a few hours when Dean and Castiel found themselves together at the barns. They were saddling up their horses for their daily ride and were having a conversation spanning the entirety of the universe._

_“No, how can something just be endless? Everything has to end. Hickstead had to die at some point, and every single rainbow has_ two _ends. The universe can’t just go on forever.”_

_“But it does, Dean. Trust me on that.”_

_“How can you be so sure? How do we know that there aren’t multiple universes and we are all bunched up together in a big ball of wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey-shit?”_

_“Dean, even I know a Doctor Who reference when I hear it. I am not_ that _deprived of social structure. And we don’t, but then… aren’t there just an infinite number of universes pressed up against each other?”_

_“No, there has to be an end to them.”_

_“But there isn’t. That’s the point.”_

_“There is no point. I can understand a circle being infinite; it goes around and around forever. So maybe that’s how our universe is shaped. Like a giant donut.”_

_“How much sleep did you get last night Dean?”_

_“Not all that much, but who cares? The universe can’t just go on forever unless it is donut shaped.”_

_“You really need to not drink four cups of coffee in the morning.”_

_“I had five today. But come on let’s go. I want to show you the south trail.” They finished saddling and bridling their horses and then walked out into the morning sunlight. Castiel’s mouth hung open at how many cups of coffee Dean had supposedly drunk. But he followed the cowboy anyways and soon both men were mounted and heading out through the cow’s pasture, moving them out of the way as they walked along the path. After about half an hour, the two had joined hands, but neither would admit that it was them who initiated the action. They wandered aimlessly through the trees, and even crossed over the river once. As they traveled, Dean whistled to the trees. All were songs that Castiel considered to be ‘mullet-rock’ such as ‘Rockin Down The Highway’ and ‘Stone In Love’. Dean had to say the titles of both of them because as much as Cas loved 80’s music, he was more of a ballad kind of guy. As they circled back around, Dean made a big show of his horse’s skill at command by dropping the reins completely and winding his way through the trees._

_“It’s all in the leg work, Cas. All in the legs.” But obviously Hellhound was annoyed by the fact that he didn’t have any rein pressure on him, or was happy about that, and decided that a certain tree was particularly scary and spooked, sending Dean flying off the back of the saddle. Castiel roared with laughter as the slightly taller man brushed himself off and went to collect his horse (who totally wasn’t scared of that tree anymore)._

_“All in the legs, huh Dean?” He laughed even harder as Hellhound refused to be caught and took off trotting through the trees. “I’ll go get him Dean. Don’t you worry about it. Let the city-slicker catch your perfectly well trained horse.” Castiel may or may not have trotted past Dean and reached down to knock the cowboy’s hat off of his head._

_“Cas, you fucking suck man.”_

_“Say’s the man who fell off of his horse.” Castiel ended up following Hellhound for a short distance, with Dean walking being him, grumbling to himself about how he is supposed to be_ on _the horse, not walking after it. But as Cas did finally reach Hellhound, and as he reached down to collect the reins, he looked up to a beautiful sight in front of him. Seven grand cabins made of nearly white wood with red doors and a small chimney poking out from the roof stood in a massive half circle. Thick pathways led from each of the cabins and tapered down to a well-worn horse trail hidden in-between the trees. Dean caught up to Castiel and smiled at the man’s face… it was frozen in splendor._

_“Welcome to the Cabins Castiel. You and Gabe would have been staying in number four, the largest of them all. It also sits right in the middle. Do you like them?”_

_“These are beautiful cabins. I can’t believe we never came across them earlier.”_

_“That’s because we weren’t going this way before… we were headed in the opposite direction. Want to go inside of one?” Castiel nodded gently and dismounted from Beau, tying him to a post that sat outside of each cabin. “So we will go into the one that you and Gabe were supposed to be in.” They made their way over to the cabin and Dean just_ lifts the matt _to get the key._

_“Seriously? That’s where you keep the key?” Castiel looked on in amazement as Dean unlocked the door and returned the key to its corner of the matt .Dean gave him a loving smirk._

_“Nobody comes out here. And if they, they are usually with us. If they aren’t with us, everything in here is easily replaceable. Now shush, wipe your feet, and let’s go inside.” The both wiped their boots on the matt that was hiding the key, and Dean swung the door open, leaving Castiel outside as he walked in. As soon as he did enter the cabin though, he was more than surprised to see that there was actually a sitting area (complete with a couch and a chair… both leather), a small stove, a few cupboards and two doors. Dean walked over to the one on the left. “This is the bathroom.” He motioned to the door next to it, on the right. “This is the bedroom.” He smiled and leaned up against the post in-between the two doors, crossing his legs at the ankle, and watched as Castiel explored the cabin. He opened the cupboards, looked at the stove, passed Dean to enter the bathroom, and then the bedroom. When he was done exploring, he stopped in front of Dean._

_“This is completely awesome! The ropes, the horseshoes, all the little decorations make it so… so warm.” Dean chuckled and dipped his head down, bringing it up a moment later to stare into the wide blue eyes of the man standing before him._

_“I am so glad that you think so. But the only difference here is that you have to bring your own food out because guests don’t get to eat in the house.” Dean grabbed at his hat and brought it down to hold under one arm. “We shun them… kind of like dogs who beg for scraps.” Dean’s breath caught momentarily as Cas took a single step forward._

_“You let Gabe and I stay.”_

_“Well that’s because you are actually nice. And Gabe gets to stay because he can make pies like nobody’s business.” He stood a little straighter, uncomfortable at how Castiel could now look down on him._

_“That’s very true. But we are taking up your house. Eating your food.”_

_“Fixing my stitches._ Making _food. It’s an even trade.”_

_“I don’t make the food. Gabe does.” He took one more tentative step forward to Dean. Their feet now touched, and they stood eye to eye, which was nice because Dean is usually an inch taller than him._

_“Details, details.” Dean stood all the way up, keeping his back pressed into the wooden post behind him, and let Castiel make the move on if they should continue this. That is until the both jumped out of their skins as a large black bird collided with the window in the living room. ”Shit what the fuck was that?” Castiel, after catching his breath, walked to the window and looked down out of it._

_“That was a crow. That IS a crow. That is a very sad crow.” Castiel genuinely laughed as the bird struggled to get up off of the ground, and then scolded himself for doing so… this was an innocent bird and it wasn’t his fault that windows and glass are tricky. Cas startled as Dean came up behind him to look at the bird._

_“If you are thinking about saving the damned thing, get that idea out of your head. Neither you nor I will be touching that thing.” But Dean sighed in complete defeat as Cas ignored his advice and went out to the bird. Dean called through the window to him. “If you touch it, wash your hands. Don’t even THINK about bringing it in here.” So Castiel looked up at Dean who was inside, touched the bird, and then gingerly picked it up. “Cas! Goddamnit.” Dean pounded his fist on the window, shaking the pane of glass. Castiel, being the angel that he was, flipped the bird over onto its legs and then proceeded to chuck it into the air. Dean let himself smile a little bit as the bird plummeted to the ground. Dean instantly regretted his smile as Castiel looked back up to him, completely crestfallen. But eventually the bird got air under his wings again and was back in the sky, heading away from the cabins, minutes later. Castiel came in to wash his hands. Dean chuckled after him. “For a doctor, that wasn’t very kind of you to just throw it back into the air.”_

_“Well I tried. I don’t do birds. I do humans.” He flicked a little bit of water off of his hands to Dean and then walked out the door. This time the cowboy followed him. Dean then bent to get the key and relock the door, and soon both the doctor and the cowboy were mounted and heading off towards the house._

Castiel let the memory linger for a minute longer and then went to the bathroom to collect his stuff and put it in his diddy bag. He returned a moment later and shoved that bag inside of his duffle and then headed down the stairs, boots ‘thunking’ all the way down to the landing. He walked out to the front porch, careful to touch the corner stone of the fireplace on his way out with his left hand. He emerged onto the wooden porch and was delighted to see Sam and Gabe talking. But then his hopes fell when he didn’t see Dean. But Castiel paid no mind to that, and placed his bag into the bed of his brothers now brown truck. He wandered over to Gabe and Sam who were having a conversation about the importance of picture frames.

“They are just extra space that could be used for more pictures.”

“But frames keep everything looking neat and orderly.”

“You like neat and orderly. That’s why you’re a lawyer. Oh hey Cas.”

“Hey Castiel. Dean is out at the barns, probably with Hellhound, if you want to go say goodbye. Not sure why he isn’t out here waiting for you.”

“Ok, cool. Thanks Sam.” Cas offered the tall man a smile and went to walk around the side of the house and down to the training barn. Sure enough, he found Dean standing outside of Hellhounds stall, rubbing his large face. “Hey there cowboy. Couldn’t stand to see me go? Or do you just not like the sunshine anymore?” Castiel huffed  a gentle laugh and went to stand next to Dean. Their shoulder just barely touched.

“The former. It’s been so much fun to have someone out here to actually do stuff with. I mean, Sam has his job and his life, but Charlie and Ash and Benny all have their stuff going on. Jo is constantly working and Garth is going to be going to the police academy.” Dean thoroughly inspects a bit of Hellhounds forelock and then glanced over to Cas, his eyes still down.

“Well I am very sorry that I have to go. I really wish I could stay, but I really need to get back to work. My boss will freak out if I don’t come back soon.” Castiel leaned in a little closer to Dean, sharing his air.

“I get that, I understand. It just sucks having to say goodbye.”

“That’s why I never did it. I always said ‘see you later’. But saying that to you would be like really bad déjà vu.”

“I understand that too. And trust me, I don’t expect you to. But just remember, there will be a way for us to see each other again.” Dean pushed Hellhounds nose out from between them and brought his hand up to cup Castiel’s jaw, his left hand went to that nicely trimmed waist.

“Of course. Just don’t let it be in a hospital. I can’t stand to go through that again.” Cas pressed himself a little closer to Dean, their legs touching all the way up, but their bodies separated at their belts. Dean’s eyes were half closed, and his mouth hung half open. He bent his head just slightly down to come even with Castiel, and tilted it so that his hat wouldn’t get in the way. Their breath mingled between them and then not at all. They crushed their lips together, pulling and grabbing onto everything they could. A tooth jammed a lip but never deterred them from their goal of sucking the last kiss out of each other. They licked and bit and Castiel found himself pressed up against the stall door, metal rail digging in between his vertebra, but he dared not complain because that would mean talking, and that means not kissing or touching. They searched the others mouth as extensively as they could and clawed away at the fabric between them. Dean’s hat slid to the back of his head, and just before it could fall off, Castiel grabbed it and placed it on his own. Dean smiled when he looked up between a kiss.

“That-hat-looks-awesome-on-you.” He breathed between the onslaught of moving mouths and tongues. Castiel only chuckled and returned to holding onto Dean’s belt, holding him as close as he could. And soon, as both men realized that they were tenting a black shadow passed over their heads and landed on Windego’s stall across from Hellhound’s. They two men froze as it ‘cawed’. “Is that a fucking crow?” Castiel looked over Dean’s shoulder to the shadow that sat staring at them.

“Would you try to kill it if I said yes?” Dean slumped his head onto Cas’ shoulder, licking his chapped lips as he did so.

“No. But if that is the same one from the cabins, I am going to scream. It’s been following us everywhere.”

“You do know that crows are considered good luck by many Native American tribes, right?” Dean lifted his head from Castiel’s shoulder and blankly stared at him. “What? When I get bored I watch the Discovery Chanel.” Dean only laughed and placed on final kiss on Castiel’s now swollen lips.

“Let’s go back before both of our brothers think I stole you.”

“I wouldn’t mind that very much.”

“Shush there doc, you might actually convince me.” But Dean didn’t steal Castiel. Instead he held his hand down the length of the barn, flipping off the crow with his other hand as they passed it. They stopped just before the door, their outlines dark against the sunlight. “I do need my hat back though. That’s one thing from this place that you can’t have.” Castiel sighed dramatically and lifted the hat from his head, and placed it onto Dean’s, who fixed it instantly.

“You are so paranoid about how you wear that hat.”

“I like this hat. Now let’s go.” They walked out of the barn together, with enough distance between them that they couldn’t touch unless they held their hands out. But they didn’t. They walked quietly back to the trucks. They all smiled at one another and said their goodbyes, exchanged hugs, and Castiel and Gabe climbed into the cabin of their truck. Castiel pushed aside the stack of books that he never read, and watched in the side mirror the Campbell ranch disappearing behind them into a cloud of dust. Castiel startled when Gabe laid a hand on his arm.

“Don’t worry baby bro, this isn’t the last time you will see him.”

“I hope not.”

“It won’t be. Look at me for a second.” Castiel tore his eyes away from the mirror, from the ranch that was no longer visible. “Even if I have to kidnap you and toss you into the bed of my truck, you will see him again. Don’t think I didn’t miss the gooey eyes you two made at each other the entire two weeks. Sam saw it too. This won’t be the last time.” Castiel stared into the golden eyes of his brother, even though they were flicking back and forth from him and the road that stretched out ahead of them.

“How do you know that? That we liked each other?”

“Because I would be blind to not have seen how deeply you two fell for the other.”

“We didn’t fall.”

“Honey, you fell flat on your face and got all the nasty of kissing smudged everywhere. You fell, hard.” Cas looked away from his brother and went back to staring out the window.

“I know.” The next six hours were long and slow, and each horse they passed was a harsh reminder that they probably wouldn’t ever see each other again. When they finally got back to Pontiac, they went straight to Gabe’s house, for Castiel requested not to go home- all the pictures of Balthazaer would hurt. So Gabe agreed and they got to his apartment. Castiel flung himself onto the sofa and Gabe sat down on the end of his bed. He sent a text out to Sam.

Gabe: 5:14 <Cas already misses him>

Sam: 5:15 <Dean finished your pie. He usually saves some for a midnight snack. He misses Cas too.>

Gabe: 5:15 < We’ll get them together again right?>

Sam: 5:16 <Jessica and I agreed that you two are invited to our wedding this winter.>

Gabe: 5:18 <Good. Good luck with Dean>

Sam: 5:19 <And you with Cas.>

They ended their conversation, and Gabe went to check on his little brother. He still had his boots on and was quietly snoring. He decided that he would wake him up later, for now, he needed to rest. Saying goodbye to someone you cared about was an exhausting experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost 10,000 words. This chapter is 9,424 words. Longer than my longest. Can anyone guess what will be happening with the crow? He will be a reoccurring character...


	6. It's All His, But The Memories Are Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Castiel returns to the city and the hospital where painful flashbacks of the ranch and memories of Balthazar disrupt his life. Gabe is getting worried and Castiel doesn't want to leave the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What?! I'm still alive and working on this piece?! I know, sorry about that. I've had a lot on my plate. Finishing finals, graduating, moving (that was insane), fleeing from the host house that I was staying in because my mom's and I's roommate went bat sh!t crazy... It's been a long few weeks. But I have returned to the computer and am working hard on this and three other fics that I have going.
> 
> *I had somebody helping me with editing but I don't know where they went so I will search for any mistakes. Sorry about the delay on that*
> 
> *I need someone to help me edit... message me on Tumblr?*

The next morning, a very ruffled looking Castiel woke up on the floor of the living room of his brothers apartment. The thick carpet was warm and inviting to his heavy head and he moaned as he moved. There were knots all along his back and up into his neck. He groaned even more as a large foot gently shook his shoulder.

“Wakey wakey! I made eggs and bakey!” Gabriel’s delightly sweet voice filled the cavernous portion of Castiel’s head and he struggled into a sitting position. He wrapped the blanket that hadn’t been there before around his shoulders.

“What time is it?” His sleep filled voice was thick from being parched. He looked up at his brother who was clad in dark jeans and a white shirt. He looked at his watch.

“It’s almost ten. You were sound asleep. I couldn’t bother you.”

“You should have. Gabe,” Castiel struggled to his feet, leaning on the couch for support. “Gabe I have to get back to work!” He looked down at himself and saw that he was freshly dressed in soft cotton sweat pants and a thin shirt. “Did you do this or did I?”

“I did. You fell asleep in your jeans. Now come on and eat. I wasn’t lying when I said that I made eggs and bacon.” A gentle smile crept its way onto Gabe’s slightly sad face and he turned and walked into his five star kitchen. Castiel reluctantly followed, dragging the blanket behind him like a child would his favorite stuffed animal. He sat down at the dining table in the corner of the room and smiled gratefully when Gabe placed a plate of food in front of him, complete with a fork and napkin.

“Thank you Gabe.” He began to dig into the food but stopped when Gabe sat down across from him. He paused with his fork halfway to his mouth. “You ok?”

“No…” Gabe ruffled his hair between his hands and wouldn’t raise his golden eyes to meet his brothers blue ones. “Cas, we really need to figure something out. The entire night you were switching between calling out for Zar and for Dean, and I can’t take the pain in your voice… even if you were just sleeping. Do you realize that you are fighting feelings for a man who died?”

“Gabe!”

“I am sorry but it’s been a year. You need to accept that he is gone, that it will be hard, but that you also need to move on.”

“But Gabe, I killed Balthazar, I didn’t kill Dean.”

“You were close enough to it when you said goodbye to him. And you never killed Balth in the first place. Some lunatic did. So stop blaming yourself.” He stood from the table, waving his arms about like a madman, nearly hitting Castiel in the face. “For God’s sake Cassie, you still have pictures of him everywhere in your apartment! I can’t go in there without feeling like _I_ killed him. Cas, brother, let me help you.” He held onto his chin with one hand and used the other to swipe away at some crumbs on the counter. Releasing both hands he bent down, for the first time ever, to see eye to eye with his little brother. “Castiel. Today we are cleaning your apartment, tomorrow you are going to work, and tomorrow night you need to start searching for a new place to live. I won’t allow you to torture yourself any more. Eat and get dressed.” Gabe stormed out of his kitchen, and a moment later Castiel heard the bedroom door slam shut. He sat comparatively to a statue for a few moments before taking a few bites of his eggs and eating a slice of bacon. He then returned the bacon to the griddle and tossed the uneaten eggs away and washed off the plate.

****************

They silently entered the apartment, armed with boxes and tape. They began in the living room.

-his magazines

-his coasters

-his rug

Then into the kitchen.

-his plates

-his cups

-his forks and knives and spoons

-his spices

-his handwriting

The bathroom was next.

-his cologne

-his loofa

-his towels

-his favorite soap

-his pill bottles

And finally into the bedroom.

“I don’t know if I can do this Gabe.”

“But you have been doing so well. We are almost done.”

“Yeah- but that was simple stuff. These are our memories… my memories.” He picked up a photo of him and Balthazar on the beach. “This is when we went to Lake Huron for the Fourth of July the year we started dating.” He put it down and picked up another. “Here we are at the zoo. He had never gone before and had always wanted to see a monkey up close. This was just before we became officially boyfriends.” He picked up a third and ignored the pained look on Gabe's face. “This is the night we got engaged. This was as we were getting ready for the night out, and he took a photo of my fixing my tie in the mirror. You can see him in the background smiling, because I looked up just in time.” He put those two down and picked up one more. “This old polaroid… this is my favorite. Somebody took a picture of the kiss we shared just a few days after we made it official. We were under the old oak tree in the park next to our old house. It was just some guy who was taking pictures of beautiful scenes and then giving the pictures to their rightful owners. I remember because I cried. Because I knew that Zar was perfect.” Gabe took the photo out of Castiel’s shaking hands and put it down on the dresser.

“Cas. Look… we won’t get rid of them like the other stuff. We can save each and every last picture, but they are not staying here any more. Do you see why we have to do this?” He put one hand up on his brother's shoulder and Castiel sunk to the ground in fits of sobs. The man’s entire frame shook and shuddered under the weight of the pain he had been carrying around with him. Castiel’s entire world came crashing down on him in one split second and the tears that flowed were hot and thick and never ending. He cried in pain as his heart ripped open once again and the flood of sorrow that gushed out swept Gabe off of his feet. Castiel grabbed his head in his hands and screamed. It was then that Gabe knew that Castiel wasn’t just broken… he had been torn to shreds at losing Balthazar. And all he could do to comfort his shattered brother was sit down next to him and wrap him in his arms. They sat like that until Castiel’s screams subsided and the sun set low under the smog filled sky.

*******************************

The next morning the two awoke on the bedroom floor of Castiel’s apartment. The pictures had been cleared away and placed into boxes that they taped shut. Castiel was still curled under the arm of his older brother and when he stretched his hand hit something slightly solid. That was Gabe.

“Sorry…” He stifled a yawn with his other hand and drug himself into a sitting position. He looked at his brother whose hair was all kinds of frazzled. If Gabes was like that then it must look like a tornado ripped through Castiel’s thick locks.

“It’s alright. I am just glad we got that over with. You are in so much pain over this… how do you even function at the hospital?”

“I don’t really know, I just do. Speaking of which, do I have to go in today?”

“Yes. Now get up and change and grab a set of scrubs. You have work to do, and so do I.”

“You are going apartment searching for me aren’t you?” Castiel looked out of the open window to the fresh morning that was peeking through. A small bird flew past.

“Yes I am, and I am putting yours on the market. We will pack clothes tonight. I will call one of my friends who deals in real estate. We will find you an apartment within three days.”

“I hate that you are making me do this.”

“But you won’t regret it once it’s done. It was him who bought this place, a lot of his clothes, his food, his ideas-”  
  


“You make me sound poor and tasteless, Gabe.”

“I am only telling the truth. I don’t want you to hurt so badly.”

“I know. Thank you.” He dropped his head onto his knees and rubbed the back of his neck before getting up. Gabe remained on the floor, watching Castiel’s stiff movements as he made his way to the closet.

******************************

“Thanks for driving Gabe.” Castiel stood outside of Gabe’s truck and spoke through the window.

“Sure thing. Have a good day at work.” He revved the engine and let Castiel take a step back before heading out of the parking lot. Castiel stood at the ready, not realizing that Gabe’s leaving was his cue to go inside. He clutched his bag between his arms, protecting himself like a first grader on their first day of school. He turned from the parking lot to face the large white building and its clear glass windows.

“Breathe… breathe… breathe…” He took one hesitant step and then another. Soon enough he was inside and he had to shut his eyes for fear of going blind. White floors, white walls, white ceiling, white lights burned in his vision. And for the first time he noticed that those fluorescent lights flickered and buzzed with electricity. His ears were devoid of all stimulation as the halls were silent. It was unbelievably quiet. There was a small shuffle of feet and paper and even the muted beeping of a heart monitor in the background. But it hurt his ears to not have birds chirping or horses neighing or cows mooing. Even the shadow of laughter from the pack rang emptily through his head. But soon enough he shook his head to clear it of the echos. He wandered through the halls to find his locker room so that he could change into his scrubs. As he found it, he stepped inside, locked the door, and sat on the bench, and since walking into the hospital he took his first full breath.

He fumbled with the lock on his locker and quickly changed into his purple and black scrubs. And he sighed as he noticed that he hadn’t grabbed his tennis shoes… he was going to have to wear his boots all day. Shoving everything inside of his locker and eventually slamming it shut he stalked out into the hallway just in time to (nearly) run into his chief of surgery.

“Castiel? Welcome back to the hospital Castiel! You look well tanned!” Uriel’s deep voice echoed through the hallways and his dark eyes were bright.

“Thank you sir. I am very glad to be back.”

“Your brother mentioned that you had a family emergency to get to… did that happen to be in Florida?” His white coat billowed out behind him as he started walking, expecting Castiel to follow diligently.

“Unfortunately no, it was not. But we had some extended family run into some hard times a few states down so Gabe and I went to give them a hand on their ranch.”

“I take it that is where you got those non-regulation boots from, is it not?” Castiel looked down ashamedly to his boots then back up to his superior.

“It is. Sorry chief, I forgot my regular shoes. I think these are going to have to do for now. I’ll trade them out tonight when Gabe comes to get me.”

“Oh, did you not drive today?”

“No. I am putting the car up for sale. The apartment too. It’s- It’s been a very long few days back in town.” Uriel halted outside of the elevator and pressed the button.

“I am sorry to hear that. Two large things so quickly… is there something the matter that I could help you with?” The elevator dinged and the two men stepped aside as an older woman exited, then they got on. Uriel pressed level four.

“Thank you but no. Gabe thinks that it has been unhealthy of me to cling to Balthazar for so long and is helping me with the apartment. The car was my idea though- I can’t do small vehicles anymore. Also for the fact that it was Zar’s.”

“Yes, that can be a bit, troubling I presume. But don’t worry about it. I am sure that today will get your mind off of things a little bit. I have a sweet patient who is a double amputee and some some extra fragments of bone that we didn’t get out in the last surgery.  She was requesting that we get another doctor to take them out.” The doors opened and they stepped into the flowing river of doctors and patrons that were milling about, their voices bouncing off of one another like a pinball machine.

“I would like that very much chief. Thank you for the opportunity.” They made their way through the rushing current to a small room near the nurses desk. Inside was a young woman, maybe 26 who had both legs below the knee removed. She rested on the bed with a book in her hands. When she looked up she had beautiful deep brown eyes.

“Aloha Kakou. Hello doctors.”  She smiled largely to the two men, Castiel smiled back willingly.

“Aloha Sable. This is Doctor Novak. Doctor Novak this is Sable Kalili. She is 27 years old and was in a car accident with a semi driver.”

“Yes. I am here on vacation with my family. My older sister had a business trip and she invited me to go along. I suppose I will be here a little longer than we had planned.” She laughed, her voice tinkling such as chimes in the wind.

“Yes I suppose so.” Castiel answered. He was already warming up to being in a hospital again.

“Sable, Doctor Novak here will be taking out those three bone fragments that we found yesterday. You asked for someone new.”

“Yes I did doctor. I always find that it adds to my life if I get someone new to help me everyday because it adds to their life experience. I will be a pleasure to aid you Doctor Novak.”

“The gift is all mine. Thank you Sable.” As Castiel turned to walk from the room he head one simple phrase from behind him.

“Malana pono. Take care doctor.” They walked out of the room and gently closed the door behind them. Castiel turned his blue eyes to Uriel.

“Chief, what was that about?”

“She is a good person and I wanted to put you in a good mood before I stick you back in the pit.”

“Chief, I can’t do the pit anymore. I do regular patients. I can’t do the major traumas anymore.”

“Oh but you can Castiel. I know that you can. Just try it out for the next week, and then you can go back to the post-op wing.” They stopped just beside the nurses station and Uriel leaned over to one of the women sitting behind the desk. “Hey Jackie, can I get Sable Kalili’s chart?” He placed a large, open smile on his face that Castiel could see was full of deception. He doesn’t usually smile that big… then again Uriel isn’t usually on the floor of the hospital unless he is holding a scalpel.

“Sure thing chief.” Jackie smiled back to him, her red lips stretched wide and full, exposing a set of fine white teeth. Her short black hair bobbed as she rummaged through a pile of charts to find hers. Castiel couldn’t help but feel a little lost as he looked at the mess of papers on the desk. He was so used to the perfect filing system that Sam had put into the household.

_As Castiel walked through the quiet house he ran into the wall next to the kitchen, sending reverberations through the house._

_“Ouch!” He rubbed his head with his hands, ducking it to the side as he made his way back into the kitchen. Once there he was greeted with a scare from Sam._

_“Hey Castiel, having some trouble finding the door?” He chuckled deep in his chest and his large eyes turned up at the corners to match his mouth. Castiel glared up through his hand at the tall man._

_“Ha ha, very funny Sam.” He meandered over to the table and sat down on one of the old wooden chairs. Sam walked over, coffee mug in hand, and joined him on the opposite side._

_“I thought it was. What are you doing up? It’s almost midnight. You should be asleep.”_

_“I could say the same to you. I couldn’t sleep. Gabe won’t stop snoring and mumbling and it’s getting in the way of a good night’s rest.” He rubbed at his forehead and eventually put his hands back down on the table. “Your turn.”_

_“I have a case to go over.”_

_“Hence the coffee…?” Castiel motioned to the mug that Sam brought up to his lips, taking a long slurping sip._

_“Yeah, hence the coffee. If you are up, would you like a cup? i made a full pot.”_

_“Thanks but no thank you.” He smiled over to Sam who was happily chugging the hot black liquid. “What’s the case you have to cover? Or is that classified information for the court officials only to lay their beady little eyes on? Not your eyes though… you have nice… eyes?” He added quickly as he caught the cold glare from Sam._

_“Thanks Castiel. And I can share the basics of the case. It’s nothing big. Just a divorce from a man named Fergus Crowley and a woman named Rowena. She says that he spends too much time with his friends and he says that she is a witch that is trying to kill him by brewing up concoctions in their kitchen.” Castiel’s confused-bird look caused Sam to have to explain a little more. “They're scottish…”_

_“Ah, that makes sense.”_

_“Yeah. But the divorce papers are just getting a little complicated because they own a large mansion here and are part owners of a castle back in Scotland. But they pay big money so I have to get this done fairly quickly.” He finished off his coffee and went to go refill it. Castiel waited until he returned._

_“How many cups have you had so far?”_

_“This is my third. Look, if we are both just going to be up, want to help me rearrange the files in our desk? They need to be sorted out again. I haven’t had time to do it in almost 13 months.”_

_“You want me to go through all of your files?”_

_“Well, partially. I already have the system set up, it’s just that Dean doesn’t like to organize things if they aren’t in his room or the tack room. He gets kind of bitchy about it.”_

_“Well then, sure. Why not.”_

_“Thanks. I could really use the brain break.” They got up from the kitchen table and made their way through the living room and to the basement door. Castiel watched as Sam pulled it open, revealing a large stone staircase leading into the depths of the house. Sam switched on a small switch and a little bulb at the end of the stairs flickered to life. The walls were illuminated in a dull glow, letting shadows play up the walls. They made their way down and Castiel ran his fingers along the cold stone._

_“This is kind of creepy, Sam. Are you sure that you aren’t going to kill me?” He chuckled, only partially teasing._

_“Ha, no I won’t be killing you. Have you not been down here before?” They made the landing and turned a corner to the right. There, Sam switched on another light and a large cavernous space was alit with glowing yellow lights that flicked up the walls in mock flames. Castiel’s eyes widened as before him lay a gorgeous spread of large black stained book shelves, floor to ceiling, piled with books. Some shelves even had books stacked two or three deep. There were two desks set in the center of the room facing eachother, their dark surfaces blending into the thick shadows._

_“No.” Is all he could muster, breathless from the beauty that lay open to him._

_“Welcome to my library Castiel.” Sam made his way deeper into the room and turned on a lamp that sat in the divide of the desks. The extra light allowed Castiel to see the far corners of the room that had a few sets of large metal filing cabinets. Strewn about on top of the cabinets and the desks were piles and piles of papers, loose files, open case documents that probably shouldn’t be open, and even breeding files were spotted._

_“A library indeed. Did- did you build this?” Castiel admired the crown moulding that wrapped along the ceiling, giving the room a taller feel._

_“The basement itself was already here, but mom never had anything down here other than storage. So when Dean and I inherited the place we sorted it all out and put our desks down here. I have got to tell you, getting those desks around those corners was a pain in the ass… they will never see the light of day again. But anyways, I just started piling all of my books down here because I had nowhere else to put them. I had to leave for a few days because Jessica’s sister was getting married, and when I came back Dean was just finishing putting these up. When he did, only one shelf was filled. Now I buy everything that might be of interest.” He sat down in one of the chairs, propping his feet up on the desk. He shoved a thumb behind him. “These are all my textbooks and relevant books for my studies, the two on the sides of it are books that cover what to do during certain cases in a lawyering situation. That side,” he pointed right across from him, “is all Dean’s books on breeding, horses, breeding horses, registrations, lineage and such. The shelf on the right is all mechanical stuff, and the ones on the left are all of mom’s old books.”_

_“Wow. And, you bought all the rest?”_

_“Yup. We have bibliographies, science fiction, fiction, mystery, western, romance, history, health and fitness, psychology, political, thriller, fantasy, computing, survival, everything.”_

_“Yeah I can tell. This is fantastic!” Castiel’s eyes were wide in wonder at the landscape presented. He took in every last detail of every book that he could see._

_“Thank you.” Sam blushed quickly, and stood up from his chair and took three long strides to the filing cabinets. “We should get started.”_

_Turns out that the filing system, while complicated at first, was the most efficient  system Castiel had ever seen. First off, all the legal documents were stored in manila folders that were marked with red, all relevant information was marked with red and black. All breeding documents were marked with blue. Everything had a color. Every color had a drawer. Every drawer was organized by relevance and then alphabetically organized. It made finding anything incredibly. Say that you needed to find the case file of Jenkins, Andrews from the hit and run two years back. You go to the cabinet that is marked in red, go to the drawer marked  ‘Case Files’. Go back two years, go up from ‘A’. Done. Or you wanted to find the grandsire of Hellhound. Go to the file cabinet marked in blue, to the ‘present horses’ tab, go to Hellhound, pull out the pedigree. Done. It was so simple._

_“I will never go back to filing the same way again! Why are you so smart?”_

_“Because i get bored and then have a messy roomie. But thank you for the compliment. You are more than welcome to read anything we have down here, except for my case stuff, but feel free to browse through everything. And if you use a desk, Dean’s may or may not have a few living creatures in it.” Castiel looked down to where Sam was pointing to the opposite desk where he had been sitting._

_“That sounds disgusting.”_

_“It is. I don’t understand how he can get anything done with it being so messy.”_

_“Well we have time…” Castiel looked up curiously to the taller man who looked slightly smug and then shrugged._

_“That is true.” Together, Sam and Castiel spent three hours cleaning out Dean’s desk, wiping off the shelves, and scrubbing the floors. They sat down in the freshly polished chairs, Sam in his and Castiel in Dean’s. “Thank you Castiel. I am now tired enough to go to bed.”_

_“Me-” Castiel yawned wide enough to pop his jaw slightly, “-too. Let’s go to sleep.” They both agreed to the statement and crawled back up the stone stairs only to have to climb the wooden ones. They fell into their separate beds just as the sun’s first rays of light where peering over the onyx horizon._

Castiel shuddered at the mess of papers. He was startled back into reality when Uriel spoke. “You OK there Castiel? You went blank for a moment.” His blue eyes found his chief’s brown ones.

“What? Oh I am fine. Just looking at the mess of papers. We really need to redo our filing system.” He got a curious look from not only Uriel, but from Jackie as well.

“If you want to do it doc, go on ahead.” Jackie spoke quietly as she dug under a few papers to grab a pencil. But Uriel laid a hand on Castiel’s shoulder before he could say anything and turned him away.

“Now Castiel, you have been a little dazy ever since getting back into those scrubs. Are you sure that you are OK to be here? I don’t know what is up with you but I am starting to grow concerned with your well being.”

“Honestly Chief, I am just fine. I might be a little short on sleep but that usually improves my performance levels anyways. Now… you wanted to get me back into the trauma bay?” Castiel left behind him his chief of surgery as he made his way downstairs to the trauma bay where several nurses and ER doctors stood by, waiting for something to happen. There he spotted Zachariah, an old friend from school. He ran over to Castiel quickly, blonde hair flapping about his ears.

“Castiel! Good to see you again buddy! Look at that tan. You must have been on the beach or something to have gotten that.” He smiled hopefully to the fellow doctor. Castiel was at first caught off guard by the overly happy smile but then remembered that the trauma doctors are who many people first see, so they usually have a smile on their face.

“Hey Zach. Not the beach but close enough to Heaven that I could touch it. How has everything down here been since I was gone?”

“Oh, fairly slow. Only a few major traumas. I am sure that Chief took you to see Sable?”

“Yeah I did, how did you know about that?”  
  


“Oh she is a doctor favorite around here. She loves speaking in Hawaiian for everyone. Although we are pretty sure that half the time she is calling us ‘knuckleheads’ and ‘buffoons’ because we have her locked up on top.”

“Aw, well she is certainly a favorite of mine. What else has been happening?”

“Oh! Some guy came in three days ago throwing up blood. We at first thought it was cancer… turns out that he ate the heart of a cow on a dare. Kid was 19, his friends didn’t even drive him to the hospital. He rode his bike down here. Poor thing. Was in here for six hours before we finally were allowed to pump his stomach. Chunks of meat came up. Kid ate the whole thing.”

“Wow… that is disgusting!”

“I know. But hey, work is work, right?” Castiel smiled truly to the man opposite him. he was just about to answer when the alarm went off that an ambulance was just about to arrive. Everyone rushed to get suited up.

“Hey Zach, mind if I hop in? I just want to get back into the trauma scene.” Zach stopped mid step and looked at Castiel with wide eyes, but they quickly transformed into joy.

“Sure thing Castiel.” They rushed out to the dock where a large ambulance with it’s lights flashing came screeching to a halt. Two EMT’s jumped out, one handed a clipboard to Zach.

“53 year old male, attacked by a dog. Got his jugular, but his airway is stable. BP and heart rate are normal and consistent. Blood type is B neg.” Castiel did his best to steel himself up for what he was about to see, but even his past training did no help for what he saw before him. The guy’s entire throat was ripped wide open, the trachea exposed and blood vessels pumping away. How his heart rate and BP were still stable was a mystery.

“Holy mother of fucking shit.” Is all that came out from Castiel’s mouth, causing Zach to stop mid step, again, and look at him. He passed the clipboard off to another rushing doctor and pulled Castiel aside.

“Ok… what is up with you? You haven’t been down here for the last six months, and now you are cursing like a sailor. What happened to you?” Zachariah’s baby blue eyes looked Castiel over. Castiel cocked his head to the side.

“What are you talking about?”

“That! That is what I am talking about. You don’t get lost in conversations and now you can’t even keep up. You are tan, you are confused and- are those cowboy boots?” Zach looked down at Castiel’s feet, which he shuffled shyly. “Those are cowboy boots.”

“I’ve just had some time to sit and think about what what to do in life. I like the big adventures now.”

“Since when? Since going haywire and running off with your brother to God-knows-where? Why would you even do that?”

“I didn’t have a choice on that part. Gabe kind of invaded my apartment and stole me. Speaking of apartments, are you still looking? Mine is on the market as of this morning.” Zach just stared in shocked silence at Castiel before turning him towards the door and pushing him out into the hallway.

“Castiel. I love you, i do, but get out of my trauma bay, and go get some sleep. You aren’t yourself.” Castiel gasped as the doors slammed shut behind him, casting him into silence. He stumbled around like a lost puppy for a moment before walking down the hall, ditching the trauma safety suit, and searching for the cafeteria. Once he got there he sat down at the bench next to the nearest window and plopped his head down on the table. He sat surrounded by his thoughts for only a short while when he felt someone slid into the seat across from him. He looked up through his arms. It was a young woman with thick brown hair and blue dyed ends.

“Hey there doc.” Her slight southern twang brought a small smile to his lips. “You look a little sad. Rough day?” She pulled a piece of candy from her coat pocket and slid it across the table to him. He brought his head up a little higher. It was a green Jolly Rancher.

“Thank you.” He grabbed it and popped it into his mouth. “It’s been a long day.” He sighed around the green apple treat. She smiled back sweetly.

“Well you sure are more than welcome to talk. I may just be a family member of a patient here but I am a good ear if you want to talk.” Castiel noticed that she had a crooked smile.

“I just got back from vacation, a two week vacation with my brother. It was so calm and quiet, and open. And I think I started to fall for someone while I was there. But they don’t do the city, and their town already has a doctor in it.” He stared off through the window- the window that should have held trees and white picket fences and birds, but held grey buildings and bustling people who didn’t look up. “I don’t want to be here, but I have to be.”

“Well why do you have to be? Can’t you just tell your boss that you need a break?”

“Because I already took a break.”

“That doesn’t mean that you are ready to return. Enjoy the candy, I have to run. I have to make sure that my little sister didn’t go wandering off. Feel better doc.” Castiel watched as she stood from the table and walked off. He called after her.

“Thank you.” She turned back towards him, still walking towards the door.

“You are sure welcome.” Castiel resumed staring out the window. He wasn’t sure how long passed but soon enough the small pager on his hip buzzed. He lifted it up to look at it. Sable-surgery-OR2. Castiel rubbed his hands along his face and stood from the table. Looking around him, there wasn’t a single face that was there that had been before he sat down. He shook his head clear of the invading thoughts of solitude and wound his way through the maze that was the hospital to reach the surgical center. He found Uriel waiting for him outside of OR 2.

“There you are. Where did you run off to?” They walked inside of the scrubbing station at set to work on rubbing their arms raw.

“I went down to the trauma bay, like you wanted me to. but Zach kicked me out so I sat down in the cafeteria for a while until you called me.” The splashing of water filled their minds and Castiel focused on the slick soap sliding its way up his forearms. He focused on cleaning each and every finger and under each and every nail. He focused on making sure that he had shoe booties on. He focused on making sure that he was prepared for this.

“Ready Castiel?” Uriel next to him spoke up, distracting Castiel away from the now cool water. Castiel nodded once, and together they made their way into the operating room where several nurses surrounded them, drying their arms and making sure that they were fitted with scrub caps. Castiel refused to look at the table where Sable was waiting, chatting away with a nurse named Meg. They looked up from their conversation as Uriel and Castiel made their way over.

“Aloha. How are you doctors?” She smiled up brightly at them. Castiel saw that she had a crooked tooth.

“We are very good Sable. Are you ready to get those bone fragments out of your leg?” Uriel smiled down at her.

“Yes sir.” She kept that gigantic smile on her face, as Uriel motioned for the anesthesia cart to be rolled over.

“Good. Now, we are going to do the same thing we have done many times before. I want you to breathe deeply and stay relaxed." One of the nurses placed the mask over her nose and mouth, and essentially forced the air through her system. They watched as her heart rate evened out and they all swarmed to her legs.

“Which leg has the fragments?”

“Her right leg. Three splinter like shards pressed up right against her bone.” Castiel saw where the lines were drawn on her skin to make the entrance into her leg. Castiel watched as the cart of tools rolled up beside her legs, rattling away like a ball on a chain. Castiel stepped further into the operating area and bent over the leg.

“Scalpel.” He held up his right hand and was instantly rewarded with the cool instrument of destruction. He brought it down level with her skin, where the dotted line began. “Non tiembo mala,” and pressed down. Such as the blood, memories came flowing back to him.

_“Cas! Come on, go get Beau. I need to check fences.” Dean clamored down the rickety stairs into the kitchen, nearly running into the man he was calling for. They both pulled back in surprise._

_“Look Dean, I get the yelling, but you can’t convince me if you are going to run me over.” He tried to keep a straight face as he spoke but to no avail, and ducked when a flying hat came right at him. He looked up at Dean who had a smile on his face, turning the corners of his eyes into deep crinkles._

_“Are you coming or what?” He laughed as he walked around Cas to get his hat. As he bent over he received a nice solid kick to his butt._

_“You’re on cowboy.” Castiel took off out of the house towards the barns. He reached them with plenty of time to spare. So much so that he had already pulled Beau out by the time Dean showed up, sporting his pretty little face. Then again that pretty little face was panting fairly hard._

_“Dude, you are freaky fast.” He grabbed onto his knees with his hands, ignoring the chuckling city slicker._

_“No really. Ran track in high school, and I used to run every day. I’ve lost my edge.”_

_“Well you still have enough of it to truly leave me in the dust.”_

_“Yeah yeah, you just won’t admit you are out of shape. Must be all that pie.”_

_“I am not out of shape!” He spoke proudly and stood tall, willing his breathe to return to normal. “I just don’t do the whole running thing." He paused to suck in one big breath and gave a gentle glare to Castiel. "And no insulting my pie habits.” He pointed one calloused finger at the doctor who held his hands up in mock surrender._

_“Sure thing. Go get your horse ready.” He smiled as Dean walked out into the sunlight and back towards the training barn. In just a short while they were both walking their horses out of the barns. They met up at the arena fence and hopped on._

_“I may not be a runner like you, but I am a rider. Plus I have the stronger horse.” Castiel noticed the saddle-bags that adorned the back of Dean’s saddle._

_“What’s in the bags?” They began walking, Castiel following Dean while walking along beside him._

_“Uh, hammer, nails, extra fencing, gloves. Just things so that if we find a broken spot on the fence we can fix it.” They set off at a leisurely jog down the main road, making their way to the frontage road that boarded the property. Castiel hadn’t noticed before the barbed wire fence that ran along the property line. They passed under the large metal sign and went all the went all the way to the end of the road. They rode side by side for a little bit before Castiel started talking._

_“What does the large sign above your entrance mean? The ‘Non Tiembo Mala’ sign?” The clicking of hooves against stones wound through the air._

_“That was my mom’s saying. She spoke latin, oddly enough, and that was her favorite phrase. It means ‘I will fear no evil’. I think it’s funny because our horses are monsters but oh well.”_

_“Is there a story as to why it is on the large metal sign??”_

_“Well, supposedly my mother put it up right after my father took my brother and I away. It was a reminder to her just how cruel this world can be. So she had the sign made so make sure she remembered to be strong when something scary happened in her life. She would drive by this sign every day and she would forever remember to not fear any evil. And I think that is part of the reason that she started naming the horses like she did… that way if she did face something scary she knew that she could ride something even scarier.” They sat in silence for a little while._

_“Thank you for sharing that with me, Dean.” He looked over to the man atop the nearly black horse. “I know how hard that must be for you.” Dean wiped a hand across his forehead, pulling away sweat._

_“You’re welcome Cas. Oh, here’s a spot that we can fix.” Dean hopped off of Hellhound and dropped the reins onto the grass, trusting that the steed wouldn’t move anywhere._

_“You sure that Hellhound won’t take off on you?” He asked as Dean rummaged through his saddle-bag. He came up with a hammer and a couple of nails which he stuck into the brim of his hat._

_“I am sure. He knows how to ground tie.” So he did, it seemed, for Castiel watched in slight amazement as Dean went to go fix the fence and Hellhound stood his ground, not even flinching when the hammer began pounding nails into the fence. A few minutes later, Dean returned the hammer to the bag and got back on Hellhound. They began walking again. The entire day was enjoyed in silence, only speaking when they needed to. And that happened when there was a large hole in a section of the fencing._

_“It looks like something broke through.”_

_“More like someone cut through. It’s not frayed like it would be if a cow had broken through it, it’s cut, and there are pieces missing. Hop on off of your pony Castiel, I need a hand.” Dean grabbed a handful of nails and his hammer and walked to the other side to grab a long rope of barbed wire. Castiel hopped off of Beau, holding onto his reins to make sure he didn’t wander. “Beau knows how to ground tie. Drop his reins and come help me hold up this blasted fencing.” Castiel did as he was told and walked over to Dean who handed him an edge of the wire._

_“Don’t you have to cut the remaining wire off of there first?” He instantly took those words back and held back a smile as Dean pulled a pair of wire cutters out of his pocket, locked eyes with Castiel and snipped off the loose ends that were dangling._

_“Like that?” He asked jokingly, his eyes bright in the noonday sun._

_“Yeah… like that.” He answered quickly, keeping his smile from spreading too far across his face._

_“Here. You take that end and stretch it tight. Careful of the barbs.”_

_“They are very sharp.” Castiel noted as he sliced his palm. Dean instantly dropped his side of the wire and came over to him, grasping his palm tight._

_“Yes, they are very sharp. Sorry doctor, I should have gotten you some gloves so that you didn’t hurt your pretty little hands on it. Here, take mine.” He started to pull his gloves off of his hands but Castiel held up his non injured one._

_“Dean it’s fine. I don’t need your gloves. It’s not that deep- see? The bleeding has already stopped.” He showed him the cut, but Dean’s fingers remained on his gloves, half ready to pull them off._

_“Are you sure? Don’t you need your hands to be all soft?” Castiel chuckled at that, and took his hand from Dean._

_“I am sure. Let’s finish up your fence.” He grabbed onto the barbed wire once again, steering clear of the sharp barbs. Dean smiled to him, and returned to his side of the broken fence. They finished it quickly, nailing in the last nail in just about 15 minutes. The mounted their horses once again and took off farther down the fence line. It was almost five in the afternoon when they got back to the front of the ranch, passing once again under the large metal sign. Castiel was all set to go back up to the house, but Dean had other plans, turning Hellhound to the right._

_“Come on Cas, this way.” He set off jogging down a small dirt path that presented itself for the first time. Castiel rolled his eyes but followed him good naturedly._

_“Where are we going Dean?” He called after the cowboy. But Dean shook his head and just kept going. They wound their way through some trees, following this dirt trail for what seemed like a long time, until Dean disappeared through some bushes to the left. Castiel followed him slowly and walked into the middle of a herd of cows. “Dean?” He called over the backs of the brown beasts._

_“Over here Cas!” Dean waved his hat and Castiel followed the movement, winding his way through the herd._

_“Now what Dean?” He pulled up next to Dean and watched the cows fill in the spaces that he had left behind him._

_“Benny asked me a few days ago to bring in the west herd over to the south side of the house. I completely forgot about it… well not really. It’s a two man job and Sam was busy and nobody wanted to help. So now you get to learn how to move cows.”_

Castiel pulled down the scalpel, revealing muscle and tendons that no longer had purpose. As he lifted the knife back up all he could do was stare. He didn’t move, he could feel the fog of his breath filling the inside of the mask that was covering the lower half of his face.

“Castiel?” He could tell it was Uriel but he refused to look up from the leg. The red pulsing and white bone and it caused his stomach to flip over on itself. Dean said that was what colic felt like to horses, when their stomach flipped over and they couldn’t get it undone. He never registered the way that the red stained silver tool slipped from his grasp and landed on the floor. He didn’t register the way that his body pulled itself away from the exposed leg. He didn’t register the way that he couldn’t breathe. It was like he was watching himself go through all of his but couldn’t feel it. He was numb, unfeeling, far too caring.

“Castiel?” It was one of the nurses. She placed a hand on his shoulder and helped him get out of the OR and into the washing station. He stood by as she removed his mask and gloves and surgical clothes from him, washing his hands for him, sitting him in a chair outside in the hallway. She held onto his hand as he drifted away. Next thing he knew Gabe was kneeling in front of him and they were in the front lobby.

“Hi, I’m Emma. I was working with Castiel in the OR when- this- happened.”

“Do you know what triggered it? What this could be?”

“Honestly, I have no clue. He cut open a leg, went blank, and then dropped the scalpel. I walked him out from the room and cleaned him up, but I don’t know what to do.”

“Should we call in a psych consult for him?”

“I think that he just needs some rest.”

“You have no idea. I don’t want to take him home though… Is there a way that I can just put him in a back room or an empty bed?”

“I recommend that he goes home. Any reason why you don’t want him to leave?”

“it would be too hard for him. A lot of stuff in his life is going oddly and I put his apartment on the market today. He will be staying with me but if he is acting like this…? I don’t want him to be alone and I don’t want him back in the apartment.”

“Oh. that was the apartment that he and-”

“Yeah. And the trip that I took him on brought back lots of hard memories for him.”

“Oh, well then. I guess we can put him in a bed in the back. I’ll get someone to watch over him.”

“Thanks Emma.”

“Sure thing-”

“Gabriel.” Castiel felt himself being escorted through the recesses of the hospital to a back room on the first floor. They set him down in a chair, letting him return to his memories.

_“You want me to sort cows with you?” He gasped at the invitation to do so, raising a smile from Dean._

_“Yes you city slicker. Show me that you have what it takes to make it on a ranch.”_

_“How do you expect me to do that? To sort cows?”_

_“Get behind them, wave your hand, and whistle. They will move away from you. Once they start moving, just keep them together. The house is that way.” He watched as Dean pointed through the trees._

_“I don’t even see the house.”_

_“Trust me.” Castiel looked into Dean’s green eyes, finding a sense of solidity in those emerald pieces of beauty. They shimmered and glowed and seemed to be made of liquid, and Castiel drank it all in._

_“I do.” Dean’s smile spread all the way to his ears and he moved Hellhound to the back of the herd. Castiel followed, seemingly entrapped by those emerald eyes. They had taken hold and Castiel wasn’t sure if he was ever going to let go. Not that he wanted to anyways. They rode in comfortable silence, only whistling to the cows to move them along. They made their way through tall grasses and thick bushes. And before long they saw the backside of the house._

_“There is a gate up a ways that we have to push them through. That way they stay back there and we can get on with our lives without the cows eating up our plants.” They walked the cows a little further along and then Dean rushed to the front of the herd to open a gate that was connected to thick wood slat railing. Castiel and Dean, as soon as he got back, maneuvered the cows through the portal to the luscious grass behind the fence line. Dean closed the gate with a solid tug and walked Hellhound next to Castiel._

_“Did you have fun, Cas?”_

_“Yeah I guess I did. How did I do on my first cattle run?” He glanced up to Dean who was massaging his forearms._

_“Not to bad. You would make a nice cowboy yourself… if you ever get out of the city that is.” Dean tore his eyes away from Castiel’s and looked out across his other shoulder to the house._

_“I wish I could stay down here forever. It’s so peaceful. It’s just so nice.”_

_"Aw, now don’t you say that, doc.” Dean looked back to Castiel with a sad little smile, his perfectly white teeth set up behind that beautiful smile. “I may just have to steal you away from the big city if you are going to talk like that.”_

_“I wouldn’t mind if you did, Dean.” Beau and Hellhound seemed to move towards each other automatically, pushing the left leg of Castiel into the right leg of Dean. Dean tipped his hat back with a single finger and as they each inhaled, the sucked the space out from between them. Two breaths later and they were just barely touching, their lips parted ever so gently. It was Castiel who ended up closing the space that hung between them, pulling Dean’s lips apart with his own. Hands traveled through hair and hooked onto belt loops, but they only broke apart when Hellhound shifted his weight to the outside, effectively breaking apart their moment in the slowly setting sun. Castiel chuckled in the empty space._

_"I could get used to this."_


	7. The Loved And The Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly a flashback chapter, and Dean's point of view for a portion of this (I know, he is still an actual character).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, seriously, I would like someone to help me edit these before I post them. I keep finding mistakes in spelling and grammar and, message me? Please?

Gabe left Castiel in the room that nurse Emma showed him to and went to go stand out in the hall with his chief, Uriel.

“Look doc, I don’t know what happened to him. All I know is that we get back to the city and he starts having this breakdown and I don’t know what to do for him. Look, I think that he just needs to spend a little time in the hospital, just walking around and talking to people, to get his confidence back. I don’t want to drag him away from here.”

“I realize that Gabriel, but he dropped a surgical instrument on the floor in the middle of a procedure and then fled to the hallway where he sat for the longest time not moving. There is something wrong here.” Uriel looked down his nose the the older brother of one of the best of his staff. Gabe looked up to the older man and scratched at his chin in worry. His golden eyes flicked back to the door which behind was his brother.

“I understand that Uriel, I do, but please. Please just let him stay here for a little bit and get his bearings about him.”

“We are not on a vessel Gabriel, I can’t just ask him to find the location of his sanity.”

“I am not asking you to. I am asking that you let him find it himself. It may take a few days. But just let him recuperate.” Uriel sighed slowly, taking in the new request.

“Fine,” he finally said, throwing his hands up in defeat. “He can remain here as long as he doesn’t botch anything else up while he is here.” Gabriel laughed in recognition at winning the argument. But Uriel caught his smile before it got too out of control. “Mind this though- if something does happen it is in your name and your responsibility.”

“That is fine by me!” Gabe laughed once again and clapped Uriel on the shoulder. “Thank you. I can go get him an apartment now.” He started walking off but Uriel called his attention.

“By the way, did you happen to grab a pair of tennis shoes for him? Those boots aren’t regulation.” Gabe looked over his shoulder as he walked away.

“Sory chief, I didn’t.” The conversation left at that when Gabe walked out of the door and to his truck, leaving Uriel to look after his own employee like he was babysitting. He was not a babysitter…

************************

“Dean, you have to give that poor horse a break. He is about to overheat.” Tracy sat atop the top rung of the arena. She had pulled her hair up into a loose ponytail, keeping her neck cool under the hot sun. But she was no longer worried for herself, but for Dean who hadn’t given Skinwalker a rest since he got on… an hour ago…

“Don’t you tell me what to do Bell. This is my horse, I am training him.” Dean called over his shoulder as they rounded the corner, spraying Tracy in a fine layer of dust that stuck to her sweat stained skin. She balked at him calling her ‘Bell’.

“Winchester, get off of that horse this instant!” He had Skinwalker pulled around to the inside, trying to get his shoulder free so he would stand up taller going around. He pulled the poor horse to a stop when she used his last name as well. She could hear the chestnut horse panting from across the arena.

“What did you say to me?” He looked deadly with his thick jeans, red shirt and black hat… his eyes were shaded from the sun, and that meant that she couldn’t read him.

“I said to get off of that horse. Look at him. He is steaming. Literally!” He looked down to the gray horse and indeed coils of steam rolled off of his sweaty body. Tracy watched as he lowered the reins, giving the large horse a break from the workout.

“Tracy- I’m sorry.” She pulled back once again. Dean Winchester didn’t apologize.

“It’s alright. Just, get off and hand me the reins. Go take a shower. Go take a nap. Just… get off of him.” She hopped off of the rail and made her way over to the duo, moving slow as not to startle the rider. She grabbed onto the reins slick with foam and watched as Dean slid off of the saddle, landing heavily to the hard ground. He looked down his nose to her and stalked off towards the house. He refused to look behind him as she undid the horse’s girth and began cleaning the cuts that his spurs had made on his sides. He swung open the door and was rewarded with a blast of icy cool air.

“Hey there Dean. Saw you working Skinwalker out there. How did he do?” Sam peaked his head out from the kitchen, absentmindedly wiping down a plate with an old towel.

“Mind your own business.” He barked before heading up the stairs. He almost walked into the bathroom to do as Tracy had told him but he just couldn’t shake this feeling off of him. The way that he always felt alone, that his emotions were no longer steady… he couldn’t even get one of the easiest horses to hold his shoulder up as they loped through the arena. He refused to acknowledge his shaking hand as he opened the door to his bedroom. He slammed it shut behind him and sat on his bed, stepping over a discarded oil rag that sat at his feet. He heard feet outside if his bedroom.

“Dean? What the hell is wrong with you?” He got up and locked the door, effectively shutting up his little brother. But he couldn’t sit back down. His legs carried him across the floor in four easy strides, then turned, then four strides, then turned. His hands shook and he rubbed his palms to calm them- no effect. All he could hear was the blood pumping through his ears, the thrumming of his heart, the pulsing of his emotions coursing through his veins.

“What. The. HELL?!” He swung his fist and it collided into the already fractured wall, sending bits of showing down to his feet. The only time he got this emotional was after he went to go see his father- the empty feeling in his chest the only reminder that he was still living. But why would he feel so lost if he hadn’t gone to see his father? If he had no reason to feel forgotten- Shit. He stormed from his room and into the bathroom, slamming that door shut as well. He slumped into the door behind him, sliding down to the floor. He heard more footsteps behind the door- he could imagine Sam resting his forehead against the wooden door, begging Dean to open it up.

“Dean… come on Dean. Something is up with you.” His voice was muffled from the wood, and he was speaking quietly as though not to startle the beast inside.

“I just don’t- Sam I- just- I don’t know.” He spoke into the dim bathroom, only a small window above the shower provided light. And that light that it did provide illuminated his knuckles to look more ghastly than they were, torn and bloody. There were probably blood stains on the floor of his room by the looks of how his middle knuckle had been torn open.

“I get that Dean. But you need to talk about this- you need to get this off of your chest.”

“I don’t have anything on my chest. Everything is inside.” He was trying for sarcasm but his little brother didn’t quite grasp that concept.

“Exactly. You are keeping everything bottled up. Let it out.” That caused Dean to spring from the floor and wrenching the door open, almost causing Sam to fall inside of the bathroom. Dean flipped on the light, blinding the two of them for a moment.

“Since when are you a fucking therapist Sam? You are supposed to be a lawyer. Go find another case or something to work on. Leave. Me. Alone.” He bit his tongue at the way Sam pulled his face into a disappointed snarl. His little brother was intimidating at best, but now he was just down-right vengeful.

“I am only trying to help you. Can’t you see that? Ever since Gabriel and Castiel left, you have been off your rocker emotion wise. Charlie is scared, Benny is nervous, and I am worried. Get your act together Dean. Jessica and I are going on a trail ride. Don’t even think about following us.” He stormed down the stairs, leaving Dean in his wake to ponder the implements of his actions.

Dean watched as Sam pulled at his hair and made his way into the kitchen. He only closed the bathroom door when he heard the back door shut, sending spider webs swinging from the force. He scuffed his boots onto the gray tile of the bathroom before pulled them off. Dirt scattered around him, and an even larger pile appeared when he removed his belt and shimmied out of his jeans. He took to unbuttoning his shirt, slowly, as any sudden movement of his left hand caused more pain than necessary. He was down to just his boxer-briefs, but didn’t take them off until he had the shower running and steam was curling its way around his head. He dropped his underwear on the pile of clothes, letting himself be swept away by the steam and into the shower where the water scalded his sun kissed skin.

******************************

Castiel rested his head on the pillow, willing sleep to come to him, to take him away from the painful world that was closing in upon him. He watched the walls bow before him, curling under the weight of the ceiling. We watched the air being pushed from the room, every sound amplified in his head. But sleep didn’t come. And just as quickly as the walls bowed to him they sprung back to place and the fogginess cleared from his head to reveal a clean track of thought. A knock came at the door. He stood and made his way to it, opening it slowly.

“Hey Castiel. I’m Em-”

“Emma Hartfed. You assisted me earlier when I had an episode. Thank you for that.” Emma looked shocked at the clarity of his words, how they no longer slurred together. Her green eyes looked mildly concerned at him.

“Yes that is correct. May I get you anything to eat or drink? Something to read perhaps?” Her kind voice soothed the already calm mind of Castiel and he smiled to her, shaking his head.

“No thank you. I would like to visit with patients if I may, however.” His deep voice pulled a frown from Emma, his request a confusion to her.

“I’m sorry? You were just having a breakdown not half an hour ago, and suddenly you want to speak with patients?” He looked down his long frame, all the way to the boots and back up. “I don’t feel that that is a good idea Castiel.”

“Nonsense.” He gently moved her aside with the back of his arm, walking out into the quiet hallway. He noted that the buzzing from the lights was still there, but they had grown faint since the morning. He began walking down to the elevators. Emma caught up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, begging him to stop.

“Castiel, I cannot recommend that you participate in any hospital activities for the day.” Her voice squeaked as the doors slid open. They stepped aside to let a pediatric surgeon and her young ward off, then they occupied the small space. He pushed level four.

“Emma, do you not see me? My heart rate is normal, my brain function is top notch, and my blood pressure has returned to its original state.” Level two dinged by.

“That doesn’t mean that you are set to work. Please!” They stopped at level three, a nurse stepped on with them. The ride to level three was quiet, exchanged smiles the only communication apart from the death glare that Emma had bestowed up Castiel’s back. They all got off and They were greeted with the buzzing floor where about 60 percent of the patients were. He shrugged off her cold gaze and went to the nurses station where a young man sat.

“Hello there, is doctor Inias working on this floor today?” He plastered a smile on his face as the nurse dug through the papers on his desk. Castiel pushed the nagging thoughts of inept cleanliness aside.

“Yes he is, he should be with the patient in room 371.” Castiel thanked the man and left an annoyed Emma to her thoughts at the elevator. He sashayed to the room (because now that he was all better he was confidant) and knocked twice on the open door, already seeing his good friend within. He looked up from the cart, dark eyes surprised at the intrusion.

“Well, Doctor Novak, what a surprise it is to see you. Come in, come in.” He opened his arm wide, inviting the younger doctor inside. On the bed was an older gentleman with a large rash on his face and upper arms.

“Hello again Doctor Inias. I have returned from vacation and I am ready to work again. Mind if I get in on your cases for the day?” He absentmindedly looked over the chart that Inias held in his hand.

“Sure thing, as long as Mr Goodson is alright with it.” They both looked up expectantly to the man lying on the bed, and he nodded, misted blue eyes traveling between the two doctors. Castiel smiled largely and took the chart from his friends hand.

“Well it sure is glad to meet you Mr Goodson. I see here that you have a case of rosacea. Do you have any pain attributed with this rash at all?” He shook his head no. “Any itchiness?” Again he shook his head no. Castiel looked back to Inias, handing the chart back at the same time. He took it and filed it away at the end of the bed.

“Mr Goodson has been here for three days, his wife first noticed the rash and requested that he get it checked out. She is currently out feeding their dogs.” Mr Goodson smiled at that, only slightly laughing. The two doctors smiled back and exited the room, bidding the patient goodbye.

“Well, well, Castiel. You are looking good. Glad to see you back here under the roof of a hospital.” He gently smiled at Castiel who was holding back a grin.

“Yes I suppose it is.” They made their way into the next room.

“Mrs. Sanders, hello. This is Doctor Novak, he will be accompanying me today on my rounds. Do you mind?” The woman looked up from behind her book and gave Castiel quite the shock. Her eyes were bright red and her black lips stood out harshly against her ivory complexion. Her black hair had streaks of silver and red in it. When she smiled at the startled doctor she showed off pointed fangs.

“Well, sorry there doc. Didn’t mean to startle you. Don’t worry, these are just contacts,” she pointed to her eyes with one clawed finger, “and these are fake,” she motioned to her teeth. Castiel regained his breath and nodded, forcing a smile through the fear that had implanted itself upon his face.

“It’s alright. I really like the fangs.” She blushed slightly, turning the tips of her ears pink. Inias spoke in-between them.

“Doctor Novak, Mrs Sanders here had a severe allergic reaction to a bee sting yesterday. We are just monitoring her, making sure that the toxins are out of her system.” Mrs Sanders chuckled.

“Yes, I just moved here from Los Angeles and have just found out that I am severely allergic to bees. What a fun thing to learn. Especially when I love to garden.” Castiel cocked his head to the side, earning a happy little grin from the woman on the bed.

“Did they not have bees in California?”

“Oh they did, but I lived in an apartment and only kept my plants on the patio. They never bothered me before. Then again, this is the first time that I have had a full scale garden.”

“Well welcome to Illinois. I’m just glad that you figured this out before anything massive grew in your garden.”

They spent the day walking from room to room, talking with patient after patient about illness after illness. They talked about allergies and fungi, bug bites and surgery options. Castiel spent the day happy as a clam walking through the lives of these people. He pushed back the walls that threatened to bow down, the thoughts that pressed at the back of his mind, the sinking feeling in his chest. He shoved away nagging thoughts of feeling alone in such a busy place. It wasn’t until that Gabe had picked him up and brought him back their his apartment, got them dinner, and then eventually went to bed that Castiel allowed those thoughts to rush back to him.

 

_“I don’t know why you are fighting this so much Dean. I mean- he hasn’t done anything for the past four years.”_

_“You think that I don’t get that Sam? That I don’t see that he hasn’t been here? I know that he hasn’t been here, I understand that he hasn’t done anything but that doesn’t stop him from infiltrating my thoughts, my mind.” Castiel stood outside under the baking sun, listening to the fight happen between the two brothers. Dean obviously was having thoughts about their father._

_“Then don’t let him get inside your mind! Don’t let him control you from prison, Dean.”_

_“Easy enough for you to say Sam. As soon as you got the chance you ran away from him.”_

_“To college. To become a lawyer.”_

_“What kind of lawyer are you if you didn’t even defend our father?”_

_“Defend him for what? For wrecking our lives? For not letting us have a childhood? I am sorry Dean that I didn’t become so attached to our psychopathic father that it could be counted as Stockholm Syndrome.” Castiel chose that moment to enter the barn, finally having enough of the conversation between them._

_“Will you two knock it off? What is going on?” The two turned to him and Castiel reeled at the sight. They were both large men, wide and tall, and to have them staring at you murderously was enough to turn his blood to ice. But Sam’s face softened first._

_“Dean says that he needs to go to another bull ride because he can’t get dad out of his head.” Dean turned back on his little brother._

_“Well I am so sorry that my way to get past my childhood is to not hide behind books.”_

_“Says the man who built me those book shelves.”_

_“Yeah, because I am a good brother.”_

_“Yeah, right-”_

_“Stop it, now. Both of you. Sam, if this is how Dean gets past thing, then let him. But Dean, if you go to the bull ride then I go with you. At least you would have a doctor and if Dean gets too stupid and I can get him out of there. Happy?” The brothers stopped and turned back on Castiel, who at that moment felt only three inches tall. They sighed and answered._

_“Fine.” Dean grabbed Castiel by the elbow and dragged him out of the barn, boots leaving scuff marks behind as he was dragged out into the sun._

_“Dean, DEAN! Calm down! Let me walk!” Castiel grappled at the strong arm that was pulling him through the dirt. When Dean finally let go of him he almost lost his footing and went down to the ground, but he caught himself before hitting the dirt. “Dean!” He called out once again to the cowboy that was still stalking off towards the garage, dirt puffing up around his boots angrily. He stopped and looked back at the doctor._

_“What Castiel?” He looked up from under his hat, green eyes barely visible in the shadow that it cast._

_“I am asking you to at least think rationally while you go off to possibly end your life. Don’t go into it like a mad-man. Breathe, get oxygen to your brain. Think about it. Please.” Castiel scolded himself for resorting to begging but at this point he figured he had no other choice. But Dean dropped his head so that Cas could only see the top of his hat._

_“Look Cas, I know that this may look irrational to you, but this is my therapy. I don’t have to spend so much money on this as a therapist. PLus sometimes I get my money back. So just- don’t assume you know what my life is like.” He brought his head back up and hook his thumbs in his belt loop. And for the first time, Castiel truly lost his breath as he looked at the hardened man. The way that the bottom half of his jeans were brown from the dust and sand, the what that his plaid shirt had the top two buttons undone, exposing the white tee-shirt that he had underneath. The way that his belt buckle flashed dangerously in the light, how his black hat was tipped just far enough back that is touched the back edges of his ears. How little curls of his hair poked out from under the brim._

_“It’s not irrational to me Dean. I just want you to think logically about this. Think of the consequences.” He finished the last of the sentence on a breath, hoping that Dean would hear and understand him. Luckily, and unluckily, he did._

_“Cas. I know the consequences. My ribs still aren’t healed from last time. I’ve had at least one concussion a year for the past three years. I know what I am doing. You said so yourself Cas. You wanted to be there so that I am not so stupid. So here I am, so here you are. Come on. The good bulls go first.” He turned on his heel, letting Castiel decide if he actually wanted to follow. It wasn’t until the Impala was roaring away and almost ready to pull out that Dean looked up at a knock on his passenger side window. Outside Castiel was standing, Dean’s second best hat in his hand. He leaned over and opened the door, letting Castiel slide in._

_“I don’t approve of the method, even though I understand it. So let me be a doctor.” Dean nodded once and pulled his shiny black car from the garage and onto the road. An hour later they pulled up outside of a large arena where trucks of massive proportions stood. Castiel stared in awe at the trailers and trucks, cowboys and girls, the horses being paraded around._

_“Welcome to the rodeo scene Cas.” Dean hopped out of the car, firmly locking his door. He tossed the keys to Castiel as soon as he got out, and he locked up his side. They made their way past the trailers and into the information building together. Behind the desk a plump lady sat, yellow curls bobbing about her ears._

_“Howdy boys, what can I do for you today?” The fan behind her desk ruffled papers about her, but Castiel noted that they were held down by horseshoe paper weights. Dean spoke slowly, really accenting his deep voice. He painted a beautiful smile on his face._

_“I would like to register for a bull ride, if I can.” He dug his wallet out from his back pocket, ready to pay the fee._

_“Ok, one ride for you, and what about for him?” She pointed the tip of her pen over to Castiel. Dean spoke for him._

_“Oh, Cas here is my traveling doctor.” Dean smiled over to Castiel who tipped his hat in greeting to the woman behind the desk. She sighed, scratching behind her ear with the pen._

_“All right. Just fill out these forms, have your- doctor- look over them as well.” She pulled a small packet of paper from one of her drawers and slid it over to the duo, holding out a pen to them as well. Dean grabbed both and motioned Castiel over to the few chairs that were sitting in the room. They sat down and Dean began filling out the paperwork._

**_NAME: Dean Winchester_ **

**_AGE: 28_ **

**_INSURANCE PROVIDER: N/A_ **

_“You don’t have insurance?” Castiel looked up, stricken at the notion. Dean merely shook his head, loose smile on his face and returned to filling out the papers. He continued reading down the page. “‘I hereby permit DEAN WINCHESTER to accept all terms and conditions including safety regulations. We are not accountable for injury or death. As you sign you agree that there was no malpractice with the handlers/wranglers/safety equipment.’ Dean, what are you thinking?” He hung his head between his hands and refused to look up as Dean continued to fill out the papers. They got up and returned them to the lady behind the desk._

_“Sweetheart, I don’t think that your doctor approves of this course of action. He looks mighty disappointed in you.” She motioned to Castiel who was squeezing his temple between his thumb and pointer finger. Dean chuckled at that._

_“Yeah, well he won’t be later.” Dean full on laughed as Castiel sighed and walked out of the office to stand outside. Dean thanked the woman and followed him out. “Come on Cas, let’s go have some fun.” Castiel almost flipped him off but then Dean grabbed onto his hand and, gently, pulled him towards the trailers. He was going to have to get used to the mood swings of this guy. Some large guy confronted Dean with an even larger smile._

_“Hey! Castiel this is Rufus Turner. He helps manage the stocks and chutes around here. Rufus, this is a friend of mine, Castiel.”He looked down at their conjoined hands._

_“Doesn’t look like just friends to me. But that’s alright. Nice to meet you Castiel.”_

_“A pleasure the same Rufus.” Castiel watched as Dean fell into an easy conversation with the guy. By the time they finished, Rufus’ dark skin was beading with sweat, and Dean wiped a trickle from his brow with this free hand._

_“Well it was great to see you again, but I have to run. I need to go draw a bull to ride.” Rufus only looked stunned momentarily before sending his regards to the pair and walking off towards the office._

_“So I take it that you guys are friends.” Castiel brought the subject to the table as quickly as he could. Dean looked down at him, green eyes sparkling._

_“Yeah. Rufus was my dad’s pal. They always played poker together. I’ve never completely cared for him, but he’s a good ally to have in a pinch.” Dean led them over to the bull pens and watched as they were singled out by riders. Some guy at the top of a booth was calling out numbers and names._

_“Kenny Flyer, bull 4. Buck Dawn, bull 85. Bradley Poer, bull 11. Dean Winchester, bull 45.” Dean saw gus bull and pulled Castiel over to the side rails where they were getting geared up._

_“Dean, are you sure about this?” Castiel questioned as he slid into a pair of chaps out of a bucket labeled ‘FREE TO USE’. He nodded and gently patted the side of Castiel’s face._

_“You worry so much.”_

_“I am a doctor, Dean. It’s my job to worry.” Castiel swiped his hand away good naturedly and let him finish getting suited up for the ride. Castiel watched as he donned a padded vest, strapping it tight around his chest. Dean passed on grabbing a helmet which earned him a pointed look from the doctor._

_“Seriously, I will be fine.”_

_“Remember what Sam told you? I am starting to see why he was saying what he did.” Cas bent down and snagged a helmet from the box, holding it up to the cowboy as more of a peace offering than anything, but Dean grabbed it from him and dropped it back into the box._

_“Then don’t watch.” He nearly growled as he spoke, sending shivers up Cas’ spine- both is pleasure and fear. Castiel shook his head and followed Dean as he made his way to the chutes. There he met up with a few of the bull handlers._

_“Hey, if you aren’t riding or working you can’t be back here.” A short, stocky man faced Castiel. Dean grabbed the guy by the shoulder and spun him to be face to face._

_“He is with me.”_

_“Doesn’t matter. Partners can’t be back here.”_

_“Ok, but he is a doctor. How about that?” The shorter man huffed and pulled is shoulder away from Dean’s grip._

_“Fine. Doctors can be back here.” As he said that, three other heads popped up. Whispers of ‘doctor’ started floating around and suddenly Castiel was surrounded by bull riders of all shape and size. Their questions pounded in his ears. Dean managed to squeeze through the onslaught of riders to drape his arm over Castiel’s shoulders, smiling and making the others back away._

_“Sorry boys, he’s mine.” Dean led Castiel through the crowd and to the backside of the chutes where his bull was waiting, red-brown and snorting. “Bull number 45.”_

_“His name is Twisted Sister. Big bull, big attitude. You draw him?” The guy at the chute questioned him. Dean nodded, keeping his arm around Cas._

_“Yes sir. Interesting name for a bull. If he wanted to be intimidating, they should have called him Quiet Riot.”_

_“Ah, you an 80’s fan?”_

_“Only thing I listen to. So, when am I up?” The guy checked the clipboard that was hanging on a nearby rail._

_“Twisted Sister is set in six bulls. Best get ready.” Dean nodded curtly and followed his bull down to the gate. The first ride was Mighty Monster, his horns shaved back to his skull. The ride lasted for 6.3 seconds. Twisted Sister was loaded into the chute. Then came Rippers Son- 8.0 seconds. Dean grabbed gear and swung it over the rail. The hands shot out to help him tie up the bull. Vestigial had a 4.9 second ride. Dean pulled a glove from his pocket, sliding it onto his left hand. He flexed his fingers, and slid down to the bull. Uncle Sam’s Ghost- 7.2, bull rammed him in the rips on the dismount. Dean tucked his legs under him, tightening the rope around his hand, getting set up on the bulls upper back. Windfur (stupid name) got a 8.0 ride. Castiel looked down to Dean, and finally spoke to the god that he had forgotten to speak to for so long. And the world stopped spinning. A collective breath was held. Dean nodded his head and Castiel heard the rusty gate swing open and the tornado of fur and flesh and leather exploded from below him Dean’s right arm swung high and proud and his hat seemed to be glued to his head. Twisted Sister twisted and spun, heels flying, back jolting, head throwing, dust swirling, rage flaming and yet Dean held on. Castiel watched as Dean’s hand began to slip from the tie. He saw the momentary fear in those green eyes as they flashed by. The world had fallen silent to Castiel during this moment of time but then his senses became overwhelmed as an announcer spoke over the intercom of the arena._

_“Dean Winchester on Twisted Sister has a ride of 8.0 seconds, and a score of an impressive 89.6!” The world around him exploded for a second time as Dean ripped his hand from the rope, dodged the horns and landed on his feet in the middle of the arena. Twisted Sister was cornered by the pick up riders and shoved into the back pens while Dean made his final bow. The cowboy ran back to the chutes and hopped over the rails to catch Castiel in his arms._

_“I told you not to worry.” He laughed as Castiel’s smile grew larger and larger as he was spun around._

_“I guess you were right!” He laughed as well and when was placed back onto the ground pulled Dean’s head down for a quick kiss. The other riders around them feigned their disgust but Castiel could see their smiles out of the corner of his eye. They stayed to watch a few more runs but eventually They made their way out of the arena, hand in hand._

Castiel turned over on the couch, digging his face into the pillow that Gabe had provided him with. He dragged the blanket up over his shoulders and fell into a restless sleep, plagued with the smiles of the two men that he can’t have.

 

****************

The next week passed the same way. During the days Castiel was coherent and functional, his happiness levels were moderate, and he hid any pain he felt behind a scalpel. It was only when he got back to the apartment with Gabe that the flashbacks haunted him- his dreams. But he pushed them aside. It was the wednesday of the next week that something finally seemed to connect with him.

“Castiel, where are you headed off to?” Meg, one of the favorite nurses here questioned as he changed back into his blue jeans just after 2 o’clock. Her dark hair was pulled into a ponytail, her red lips pursed at his stumbling words.

“I am- going home- and I don’t- I need- look Meg, I just need to go.” Meg looked him over, his hair sticking up in 20 directions. He had tried sneaking out between shifts when the nurses station was usually light on watchful eyes. But Meg had surprised him by being there. She had just recently found out that she was allergic to a few small ingredients and had taken to fainting after eating them.

“Well… I can’t do anything to stop you. So if you don’t tell anyone I let you go, I won’t tell. Deal?” Castiel smiled gratefully at her, collecting his bags that he had dropped when she surprised him.

“Deal. Thank you.” She went to go sit back down in her chair, and turned to him with a small smile painted on her red lips.

“For what?” Castiel’s smile grew even larger and he made his way out the door and to the street. He made his way the three blocks it took to get to to Gabe’s Sweet Temptations restaurant. When he walked inside, he was greeted with a slightly familiar face. Her beach blonde hair was teased up and pulled into a bun at the top of her head.

“Well hello sir, how may I- Castiel? It’s me, Persephone!” That’s who she was. She usually had red hair. She had just turned 19 a few months back.

“Hey Seff. Can I get a piece of mixed berry pie and a side of my brother?” He gave her a warm smile and pulled his back up onto his shoulder farther.

“Sure thing! I’ll be right back with both.” He tried to keep his smile in check as she skipped off into the kitchen. He planted himself at a table near the front window, and placed his heavy head in his hands. He looked up just a few minutes later and saw his older brother carrying a pie, two plates and two forks. He set them down on the table and sat himself down on the other side.

“Baby bro, you look kind of sad. And you ordered pie. You haven’t had pie since the ranch. You’re mourning.” He cut up a piece of pie and slid it over to Castiel who gratefully took it and began munching away.

“I am not sad.” He spoke without raising his head. “I am full on depressed.” This time he looked into the golden eyes of his brother. “I can’t stand having to live in your apartment while mine is just a few streets down. I can’t stand having to walk everywhere now because I sold his car. I’ve been talking like he talks- talked. I can’t get Zar out of my head. Or Dean for that matter. They are polar opposites. One said ‘excuse me’ while the other has burping contests as often as he can. One loved city life, the other thrives under and open sky. One was a vegetarian, one makes the best burgers and steaks I have ever had. Gabe,” he stared with pleading eyes to his brother who was becoming increasingly more worried for his brother's sanity. “How can I love a man I lost and a man I can never have?” He dropped his head back to his plate and began eating again, refusing to let the threatening tears spill over.

“Castiel, you can be in love with whoever you want, however you want. Because there is no limit to what is considered love. Loss is painful, yes, but don’t we learn from pain? We learn not to touch a red stove because it burns. We learn to ride a bike without training wheels by realizing that if we hit the ground we get rewarded with scabs and bruises and broke bones. We learn that we can’t fly by jumping off of a shed roof and breaking an arm. We learn from pain Castiel. Don’t let Balthazar hold you back; let him be the string in your bow that shoots you forwards in life with newfound knowledge of love and acceptance.” Castiel tried not to let his jaw drop on the ground at the sudden influx of wisdom that his brother just seemed to gain.

“I-I beg your pardon?” He spluttered on his pie a little bit as he answered.

“You can thank my therapist Athena for that.” Gabe went back to eating his own large chunk of pie. Castiel nodded in understanding and the two returned to their individual silence.

“So what do I do now?” Gabe barely heard his brother mumblr around a bite of pie.

“Right now? I say that you should just follow where you want to go. You seem to be doing better, so I can’t exactly force you to go to a mental hospital, and you already work in a regular one… you should find yourself. Get over one, or both, and then get your life back. we are meeting with the realtor tomorrow.” They finished their pie, Gabe went in the back to wash the plates and Castiel returned to their apartment to go to sleep.

 

_“Cassie! Look! Do you see this?!” Balthazar called out to him after running ahead through the zoo. They had found the primate enclosure on the map and Zar was determined to get there and see a real live monkey. Castiel smiled as he saw his date running past the small children, their ice cream dripping down their chins, to the monkey building. Not that Zar was much better off. It was his first time at the zoo after all._

_“Balthazar, slow down! You will get lost!” He laughed as he jogged to keep up, following the gray shirt through the throngs of people. He watched as Zar made his way to the door, pausing to let a small family through before him. Castiel huffed as he caught up to the brit who was holding the door open for him to go through the first._

_“I may be excited but I am still a gentleman.” His low cut shirt flapped lazily in the cross breeze from outside to inside. Castiel ducked through the door, pulling Zar in after him. He refused to even glance at the monkeys for fear of missing the excitement on Balthazar’s face. He was giddy with joy. He let his hand fall from the grasp that Castiel had on it and walked right up to the bars of the cage, peering inside at the little creature. Castiel slowly followed him, glancing at the sign next to the cage._

_“These are Capuchin monkeys. Devilish little things they are.” He sidled up next to his date, letting their shoulders fall against one another. Balthazar looked over in surprise._

_“How did you know that?” He looked on with complete astonishment as Castiel pointed out the sign to their right. “I guess that makes sense.” Balthazar didn’t quite go back to looking at the Capuchins but instead gently slid his arm around Cas’ waist. Castiel looked up at him- well, at him- and smiled, leaning into the embrace. He snaked his own arm around Balthazar’s waist, pulling in the other close. They stayed like that as they walked through the monkey house, laughing at how silly the little animals were. And when they got to the orangutan cage Zar looked inside and made a simple comment that would stay with Castiel for a long time._

_“At least the keepers are always kind enough to let them stay in pairs. That way they always have someone to hold onto.” Now it was Castiel’s turn to look up in pride at his date, and the he slid his head into the nook of Balthazar’s shoulder and there they stayed, holding eachother, wishing for this moment to last forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have written 96 pages of this, and over 40,000 words in this fic. I love being an author.


	8. Beer Bottles and Therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, you know what? Fine. I am tired of having, let's count, 1... 2... 3... oh yeah, FOUR people say that they are going to help me edit, and then sit around and not do SHIT! I am done with that. So who fucking cares if I HATE my writing because of fucking grammatical errors? NOBODY! I don't need help apparently, because being in college, having a FULL TIME JOB and still LIVING AT HOME isn't shit enough. THANK YOU. Enjoy this fucking chapter.

Castiel moved throughout the days as if in molasses. He saw the world through a thick sheet of ice- where he could see it all but it was all blurry around the edges. He floated around the wards of patients, examining everything to the best extent that he could. The emotions that had burst before were safely tucked away under a bridge and taped shut. They no longer threatened him every time the name was mentioned, but that doesn’t mean that they weren’t there. Three weeks passed by that Castiel refused to let his emotions get the better of him. Memories would return to him after meeting with certain people, but nothing that required him to sit out the day like before. But Gabe was worried for him. So much so that he called Sam a few times about what to do.

“Is there any way that there is an open position at the clinic down there?”

“I am sorry, but there isn’t. I’ve checked almost every day with the receptionist that I know.”

“Well, thanks for trying.”

Castiel wound through the halls on a pulley string, being tugged every way by those that he was helping, and by those that looked down on him- like Uriel. He managed to get Castiel caught up into all kinds of odd situations where those emotions nudged at the back of his mind, wanting to poke through to the outside world. Like John Doe three days ago.

_He was just about to go take his lunch break when the little pager on his hip buzzed. It was Uriel. ‘Odd,’ he thought. The chief doesn’t usually page people… especially him. But he took the page to heart and took off down to the trauma bay. Zachariah was waiting for him._

_“Male aged 29, was taking a drive, hit a deer, got out to see if the deer was ok, and the thing attacked him. Punctured lung, excessive bleeding, no major damage to any other internal organs. Conscience and coherent when we found him, but he passed out on the way over.” Zach rushed past in a hurry, pushing a gurney in his wake. Castiel’s mind flipped into action mode and rushed after the cart. Uriel came up behind him, grabbing his shoulder._

_“Novak, you weren’t supposed to be paged. What are you doing down here?” His shocked face seemed to hold the truth, and Castiel switched from action to panic._

_“What are you talking about? It was you who paged me.” Uriel nearly gasped at the statement but held onto his resolve._

_“I never paged you. Someone else must have picked up my pager.” Uriel re-grabbed Castiel attention as it was drawn away by the havoc in the other room. “Go home.” Castiel’s eyes swam with confusion and resolution._

_“Sorry chief. Last call, I promise.” He ran off to the holding room where John Doe (that’s just sad) was waiting. “So what else have we got? Anything major?” He quickly scrubbed up and went to help the others with the guy._

_“Preliminary injuries are multiple broken ribs, punctured lung, obvious shock and mild bruising, and possible fractures to arms and jaw.” Castiel sighed in relief. Getting run over by a several hundred pound animal with sharp hooves could have ended up a lot worse._

_“Ok, I’ll take care of his lung. You two, follow me at the ribs. Zach, set any leg or arm fractures.” Everyone agreed and they went to work. Castiel quickly found the hole in his lung (there actually wasn’t all that much blood escaping from it) and patched it up quickly, and put a tube into the lung to drain the excess fluid. Two other trauma bay doctors worked around the tube on his ribs. Their names slipped his mind through the commotion going on around him. Castiel stepped back from John Doe and raised his hands slightly. “OK, that’s all that we can do folks. Great job y’all.” The room went almost silent. Castiel glanced to the few other doctors and nurses in the room. “What?”_

_“Well, ‘folks’ and ‘y’all’ isn’t something that we usually hear from you- in fact, we have never heard that from you.” One of the nurses looked almost abashedly around the room as he spoke, concerned about the language that just came from the doctor. Castiel looked back at them all… they were nervous and shifting around, unsure of how to talk in this kind of situation._

_“Well, too bad.” Even that caused a few heads to pop up, but he ignored them and made his way back into the clinic._

He wound his way through the throngs of people, ignoring the way they seemed to stop and turn to see him, their eyes glowing red. He ignored the way that they pushed past him, shuffling to get to their own stations.

************************

Dean walked through the property, making sure that the gates were all sealed, that the patches in the roof were fixed, making sure that every lock was tight and secure. He looked to the sky. It was black and dark and a sudden wind ripped through the land, sending his shirt flapping in the air and hat bouncing off of his head. He caught the hat and found his way back to the house, just as the first heavy drops of rain touched the ground.

***************

Castiel’s apartment had been looked at by several people, but none were completely interested in the space. It was supposedly meant for a couple, but he had been wanting single people to buy it. It was a good starting place. But it was just too expensive. He didn’t want someone to buy it cheaply.

*****************

Dean watched as the rain flooded through the gutters of the house, spraying up over the metal edges. He watched the rivers of water race down the windows in gushing streams, merging and connecting… never ending.

*****************

Castiel slept on Gabe’s couch every night for the next month while people looked at the apartment. Slowly but surely more and more people walked through its hallowed halls, opened its barren cabinets, played with its past. And slowly Castiel let them erase his and Balthazar’s shared voices and footprints. He walked through his life as if on a pulley system, being pulled and dragged through his everyday activities by those in his life. And just as he fell apart, he began putting himself back together- little piece by little piece. He would brush his hair each morning, slide on his boots, eat a granola bar and head to work. He would go through his rounds, talking and healing. He would eat lunch in the cafeteria with his coworkers everyday. He would finish his rounds each night, making sure that his patients were all set. He would go back to Gabe’s place, shower, and eat dinner at Sweet Temptations. Then he would come back and go to bed. But it wasn’t until a week later that he finally found a calmness to his life when he was finishing up eating dinner with Gabe on Friday.

“Castiel Novak?” Castiel looked up from his pastry to see a small, blonde woman with a sharp nose on which the end sat small framed, rectangle glasses. Her hair was tied up in a smooth ponytail, and in her thin hands she grasped onto a leather bound journal, golden tassels marking a place in its yellowing pages. She looked down her pointed nose at him.

“Yes, that is I. How may I help you ma’am?” He gently dabbed at his chin with a cloth napkin, placing it down next to his place. She gave him a small smile and placed her book down on the other side of the table, pulling out the chair, waiting for Castiel to nod that she could sit down. She did and adjusted her pinstriped skirt before sitting down gently. She moved with authority- obviously she was a woman of high power.

“Mr. Novak, my name is Felicia Tate. Your brother recommended that I come to see you about your property and what you are looking for. I work in real estate. I am here to help you find a new place to live.” They heard a door slam shut behind them and turned to see Gabe walking from the kitchen doors to their table, wiping his hands on an apron tied around his waist. He reached out to Felicia.

“Fate, good to see you again.” They shook hands and Gabe grabbed a chair from a nearby table and sat down between the two of them. Castiel laughed gently.

“Fate? Your nickname is Fate?”

“Yes, it is. I know, I know, it’s an unfortunate name for someone who deals in your future- kind of funny actually. But anyways,” she cracked open her leather book, golden tassels flying onto the table as she flipped up the cord, “I am here to go over what you are looking for in an apartment. To begin, I would like to know why you gave up the rights to your previous living location. The way that you just up and left leaves realtors in a little bit of concern about the property.” Castiel fiddled with the fork that he had set down next to the plate, and eventually looked up at the small woman. He ignored the pointed look that Gabe sent to him, and then the pleading one, asking him not to tell.

“I-uh, it held too many dark memories for me. I couldn’t stand it anymore.” Fate nodded and jotted it down. For the next 45 minutes the trio sat and discussed the apartment, the value of the property and all the fun stuff that goes with it such as the insurance claims, electrical problems, plumbing stuff, so on and so forth. But by the time that their meeting was over Castiel had a new sense of where he was going to love. Fate had pointed out a nice apartment just across the street from the hospital. They had promised to meet again so that she could show him around the place. As Fate left, Castiel sat next to Gabe in silence.

“So, I know what you are going to say bro, and I want you to know that I understand that if you are mad at me, but you had to get rid of that place! It was eating you alive and-” Castiel held up one hand to keep his brother from talking anymore. The sullen look that placed itself on his brother’s face was quite sad, but Cas couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Thank you. For Fate and for the pie.” Other than that, of course.

The next few months dragged on for Castiel. The hospital life was getting boring and he didn’t know what to do with his new apartment decoration wise. The patients at the hospital only entertained him so much anymore, and he quickly grew bored of the monotonous life that he was living. Wake up, get dressed, hospital, lunch, work, home, shower, dinner, bed, repeat. It grew tiring for him, and eventually he just ended up not going to work all the time. Granted he would call in and have someone cover his shift, but he couldn’t be bothered anymore to get out of bed every single day and do the exact same things every single day, eat the exact same lunch every day, and wear the exact same things every day. At least when he was with Dean life was exciting. But no- he couldn’t think about that. He had work to do.

****************

Work for Dean was hard to accomplish, but life had to go on. That included ignoring his aching heart and having to birth two foals within a one week time frame.

Deanna and Gwen both had their foals. Gwen, a deep chocolate brown with an almost black mane, birthed a dun filly, her sire being Conquest. The filly would not have a name for a full year as per tradition to the Campbell, and now Winchester, name. Deanna was a golden palomino with a luxuriously thick mane and tail. Her little colt was a bright chestnut, just like his father before him, War.

The nights that Dean spent with the new, but not first time, mothers was always stressful. While the mares were strong and healthy, they were also mothers who were protective of their kin. But that didn’t stop Dean, Tracy, Charlie, and Benny from spending every waking moment that they absolutely could with the foals.

Transferring the mares into the large stalls at the back of the training barn was more difficult than anything. Dean let the mares have their foals in the pasture, but he makes sure to keep an eye on them. To do that he has a constant rotation of people riding through the mare field, keeping tabs on the mares that were close to foal. using headlights on their hats and flashlights attached to the saddle, they followed the mares through their days and nights until they gave birth. When they were close, whoever was in the field would call Dean who would join the watcher in the field. They would wait the night and another full 24 hours, still under full supervision, and by that time the foal would have enough coordination to walk and run alongside it’s mother. The watcher, and Dean, would then catch the mare, and inevitably the foal, and lead them back to the barn.

With his hands full with two new foals, four other pregnant mares that were all getting fairly close to their due dates, and still having to train his horses, he didn’t have much down-time to spare. But what downtime he did have, he spent it either with Hellhound or thinking about the city-slicker doctor that wandered into his life and meandered out of it, leaving the cowboy with a broken heart and an empty place at the kitchen table.

But Dean couldn’t see what the loss of the doctor was doing to him… at least mentally. Yeah, there were a few more holes in his wall that he wouldn’t be patching up anytime soon and had a few more bumps on his head from getting knocked around by unruly two year olds… stupid Okami. And his sleep, while he usually only slept a few hours a night anyways, had gone to next to nothing. So much so that both Sam and Bobby had banned him from driving without their express permission. Even to the extent that they took Baby’s keys, and the keys to his old bike.

Sam watched with growing concern as Dean’s scruffle got longer and his temper got shorter. The bruises on Dean’s knuckles blossomed with bruises but worked around the pain to grip tighter to a bottle of beer, sometimes four or five times a day. But that number steadily grew as the days went on. Before Castiel, it was four or five a week. With Castiel it was even less. But the moment that Castiel (and Gabe) drove away from the Campbell ranch with Dean’s heart, the collection of bottles and cans under Dean’s bed skyrocketed.

The horses weren’t even safe from Dean’s spiral downward. Hellhound, poor, sweet Hellhound, was the butt of all jokes in Dean’s training lately. Pulled on and pushed to his breaking point, it’s a wonder that Hellhound didn’t up and kill Dean every time he mounted up. Rugaru, Okami, and Amazon were the three two year olds that Dean was working with, and they were holding up very well under Dean’s heavy hand. Yeah they bucked and kicked out at the torment, Dean attributed it to their youthfulness and lack of training. He couldn’t see their wide-eyed looks of fear as he approached with a bridle and saddle each time he came out to train.

The other barn members (Tracy, Garth, Ash, and even Benny) could see how the horses were being affected. At first they didn’t see it… the way that Dean would hide behind a bottle or race through the property on the back of Okami. But as the horses grew antsy, the frown lines got deeper, and the knuckles being wrapped more often than they should have been, the others became more and more worried.

Sam, as worried as he was for Dean, wanted to do something to help him out and get his mind back in the game. So by cornering him in the basement, he began his plan to help get his brother back.

“Dean, hey so check this out. I found the webpage for a massive horse show over in Denver. Have you ever heard of the Colorado Stock Show?” Sam peered up over the edge of his laptop to a very focused Dean. His head was buried in books and papers on genetics and breeding registry, trying to figure out the price that he should put on his two newest foals. Bringing his head up from the books, he gave Sam a solid death glare before finally softening his eyes at realizing the question at hand. He answered, his voice raspy from the beer and whiskey he had been consuming the past month and a half.

“Uh, I’ve heard of it. I think we passed through Denver one year during the stock show time, but I was young and Dad didn’t have the money. Why?” His green eyes squinted in suspicion at his younger brother bringing up the stock show.

“Well, they have tons of classes and shows, not to mention the rodeo that they hold. They even have open classes for those who don’t have memberships in AQHA, APHA, any of that shit. And there are also shows before the massive crowds get in. They are things like ranch horse versatility, cow horse showing, reining, so many classes. We can register, book a couple of stalls, and get the Campbell name out there in the AQHA and APHA world. We ought to give this a chance. We can even sell some of our horses.” Sam spoke animatedly about this, trying to grab Dean’s attention. And for some misshapen reason it does. For the first time in a while Dean actually looks excited about the idea.

“Down in Denver? Like, show our horses, some of our sale horses, and might be able to come back with actual money?” Dean sat back in his chair, twirling a pen through his fingers that he had been using to make notes about bloodlines in his mares and stallions. Sam kept his shaggy head quiet as Dean thought over the offer. He halted his pen twirling and looked up at his younger brother.

“Sam, currently the ranch has been low on business right? in the past year we have sold two horses, and have bred for six. We have a flooded out pasture on our west end because of the massive rain spell we had the week that- that they left.” Sam pointedly ignored the choke in Dean’s voice. “The hay that we had outside during that time that we didn’t inside in time isn’t the best, and we can’t buy more until we get rid of the stuff we have. Grain is getting expensive and our vet bills are getting higher as our horses are getting older. Right?”

“Yeah, so far.” Sam nodded, keeping time with Dean’s excitement as it was slowly building.

“Our funds are running low and we need to sell a horse or two so that we can get some more feed. I don’t want to have to sell off mom’s land, but that’s what it’s slowly getting down to. Uh, I remember reading something about points in shows. Explain.” Dean glanced back up to his brother, knowing that he would be able to provide an answer for Dean’s confusion on the subject.

“Well, both you and your horse have to be part of a HA. So for us, it would most likely be AQHA, but you can be double registered or triple or whatever. You start at the bottom at open shows that are breed specific, so Quarter Horse. Then as you win you gain a certain amount of points that takes you to the next level of showing. And it’s not you that gains the points, but the horse. So the horse is climbing the ladder of awesomeness and you are just along for the ride pretty much."

“Shows that are bigger and more selective of their participants gets you more points. The more points you acquire, the farther you go, and the bigger prizes you have a chance of winning. It all boils down to how many shows you and your horse compete in. This goes for reining, cattle sorting, ranch horse, pleasure, hunters and jumpers, dressage, everything. English people have to go through the point system just like us Western folks.” Sam put a slight twang on that last sentence, making his sound a lot more southern than he really was. Dean, listening avidly, draws his eyes down to the books before him.

“What do the points mean for the horse, other than cash and prizes?”

“The horse gains popularity and status. The higher the status, the more the horse is worth. The more the horse is worth the higher a stud fee or embryo would be. The higher the cost for those the higher the price for the foal. Horses with higher points are better trained. Better trained parents means better trained foals. Better trained foals mean better trained two year old, three year olds, and four year olds. They have a sound mind. Training generally goes faster, and their selling price is higher. From there if you breed out two or three generations you have a foal that hits the ground at a six digit number.” Sam had spoken fast but clearly, making sure that Dean understood the excitement while understanding the words. And it seemed to do the trick. His emerald eyes lit up properly and a small smile grew to reach both ears.

“Sammy, let’s go register ourselves and our horses.” He began to stand from his desk but his brother’s voice made him stop halfway. “Do any of our horses have papers? We need them to be able to register and sell. It’s a vicious start… you kind of have to be registered, or have your horse come from something that is registered to be registered.” They both sank deep into their chairs as the question hung heavy in the darkened room. Silence swung past them on a pendulum, sometimes a ragged breath making it swing off course. Then, as if a lightbulb went off above the duo, they turned to look at the file cabinets.

“The Horsemen have papers, and that’s where we get most of our foals, including Hellhound. I think Annie has papers too, and that's Hellhound’s dam.” They both rushed from their chairs to dig through the files and extract every piece of information that they absolutely could on their horses, starting the beginning steps to get to the stock show.

********************

Uriel had called a meeting in the break room for any doctor that had worked at the hospital for more than three years. That included Castiel. And only nurses that had seven years at this hospital were invited to join in on the conversation.

The day outside was a little cloudy for what it should have been in early Autumn, but Castiel didn’t mind. He enjoyed seeing the leaves turn brown. It calmed his racing mind a little bit, putting him at ease. Since his meltdown after returning from Kansas, Castiel had moved into his own apartment and had started going to therapy once a week. And even the few sessions that he has had have calmed his down enough that he was able to return back to work at near full-time. That means that he had ample opportunity to get called into these meetings held by the chief of surgery. They all gathered in the large conference room, and Castiel concluded that there were probably a grand total of maybe 70 people in the lecture hall. Urial was up front, standing next to a microphone.

“Ok, ok, everyone, settle down.” You would have thought he was talking to a bunch of high school kids from the way he acted. He tapped on the microphone once to gain the attention of those in the room. Castiel was seated near the back, next to a couple of nurses who were idly chatting about their dates for the weekend. He ignored them.

“Ok, now that we have everyone here, i have an important announcement to make. January of next year, so in just a few short months time, there will be several meeting held around the country for practicing doctors. Five meetings in total, and each hospital that is participating in this experiment will be sending three doctors and nurses to the participating hospitals for two weeks. I already have several people chosen for where I will be sending you. Doctors, you get your choice of nurse, and if the nurse you chose can’t go then another will be assigned to you.

“Each hospital that is participating, this one included, are all having some large even take place around that time. There will be one in Washington where a Polar Bear plunge is taking place. There will be one in New York for a massive Broadway production that involves fire and trapeze artists. We are hosting our yearly “Kill The Snowman” challenge, where we build a giant snow sculpture and then are rated on the size of it and our execution of destroying it. Montana is having their stupid as fuck mid-winter hiking marathon up in the mountains. And Colorado is having their National Western Stock Show. The stock show is comprised of young children met with large animals, and most importantly, the rodeo.

“So far I have one person picked out for each location. Because we are hosting one of the transfer sets, we will be sending out a total of twelve doctors, and will be receiving twelve doctors from those different parts. This is to test your strengths and weaknesses in new, highly stressful, and sometimes catastrophic situations.

“Over the course of the next couple of months, I will be evaluating your skills in certain areas of the hospital, how you use your floor time and how you manage stress in hard situations. Like I said, I have a few people picked out for each position already, but that does not guarantee you a spot. If you do not wish to participate in this competition, talk to me about opting out. Dates for each stupid week are set out in several places throughout the hospital. Feel free to check out those dates and get back to me on what you can and cannot do.

“My faith in all of you is unwavering in your skill set, but I warn you that some of these competitions are not for the faint of heart. Depending on where you go you will have frostbite, severe burns, broken body parts, and most likely some deaths because people are stupid.

“I expect all of you to be on your best behavior these next few months as we get ready for this challenge. And hopefully we can turn this into a yearly thing. I know that our fellow competitor hospitals will view this game the same way. I don’t have much else to say so now we turn to questions and comments about the games.” Uriel stepped back from the podium a little bit to see the overcrowded room of doctors and nurses. Somebody up towards the front raised their hand. “Yes?”

“OK,” It was nurse Muriel. She had been at this hospital for a long time if the silver roots in her hair had anything to say for her time well spent. “So I understand that we may not get to choose the place we go, but what about our families? I have a newborn granddaughter that I watch twice a week, but I know how amazing of an opportunity this challenge is to us. What about the single parents in this room who are searching for a higher skillset and want to participate?” Several mumbled ‘yes’s were heard quietly fluttering through the room as Muriel made her point, her strong voice well respected throughout the staff. Castiel glanced around the room of doctors and nurses, trying to figure out who would go where.

“That is an excellent point Muriel, thank you. I plan to let each doctor and nurse bring up to two family members with them on this trip. The family that stays here will have to provide their own care for their families but I will remind you that your family is always welcome here, provided that they stay out of trouble.” His half-assed smile was something to marvel at. “Any other questions?” He glanced back around the room. Castiel was still trying to pair up people with locations so when the doctor to his left spoke up he jumped slightly.

“When will we know that we have gained a place in the competition?” Castiel rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to slowly calm his heart rate as it had flown through the roof when he got startled. He heard a chuckle from the nurse to his right when he jumped, but he paid her no mind.

“We will find out who wins two weeks prior. The trip and accommodations will be paid for, along with a few luxuries that you may want to do with your families. Meals will be provided and/or paid for by the hospital you will be working for.”

“Why and how is this a competition?” Castiel figured that that was Hester. They had gone to school together.

“The competition is getting to these locations, the prize is going there and gaining new experience that we may not have here in our hospital. And if you are kind enough, you will pass on any information you know to this new hospital and take some of their information as well and pass it on back to us. It’s a win-win kind of situation. You learn and grow, and we learn and grow. Plus out of the four teams of doctors going, the hospital will be choosing one team to grant a scholarship to. The best performing and acting team will be invited back next year along with new competitors from other hospitals.” Uriel nodded, making the point direct and certain. No other hands were put into the air and no voices shouted out, much to Castiel’s relief. So Uriel dismissed them to go back to their duties.

The thongs of doctors and nurses sweeping past caused Castiel’s head to swim a little bit. But he regained his bearings and walked the distance back to the trauma bay.

“Hey Castiel, so you were invited to the chief’s meeting right?” Zachariah stood near an abandoned gurney, blowing up a glove and pushing the fingers down, watching as they popped up again. The trauma bay was fairly dull right now, only a few patients had come in lately for anything that required an ambulance so he and Zach were stuck here doing nothing until calls came in.

“Yeah I was. Did you go too?” Castiel made his way over to his friend, grabbing a glove from the box that was sat next to Zach.

“Yeah. I really want to be able to go over to New York. Cindy would love that, go see the giant billboards and ride in a taxi.” Zach’s small smile showed his love for his fiance. They had been together for four years before he finally proposed three months ago.

“That would be fun, I will admit. I don’t know though. Having to work with people that I don’t know and that don’t know me? I’m not exactly the most socially inept person in this trauma bay Zach. God only knows how I manage to keep my head in here while I got dizzy from the crowds in the conference hall.” Castiel took to stretching out the fingers of the glove, tying them in knots and then untying them.

“Well you do well in fast paced situations, not slow ones. That’s why you didn’t do very well on the floors. I’m glad I have you back under my control down here.”

“Speaking of control, we are about to lose it.” Zach looked up to Castiel whose electric blue eyes were fixed on the sliding door of the trauma bay. A young man was slowly limping his way up the drive, one hand pressed into his shoulder. Even through the glass Castiel could see the blood dripping down and onto the pavement.

“Either gunshot or stab wound. You get it set up, I’ll stitch.” They both nodded without looking at the other, and each grabbed two clean gloves, sliding them on as the doors slid open.

**************

The phone at the front desk rang, loud and shrill, several customers looked up from their plates when it rang. Sef reached over with one long arm and grabbed it, holding it to her ear as she sorted through the bills of the counter. Gabe, sitting a few tables away, listened with only slight interest.

“Sweet Temptations, this is Persephone speaking, how may I help you? Yes he does. No he is not, but I can direct you to that number- ok. Yes, I will grab him quickly, may I put you on hold? Alright, thank you sir.” Taking the phone from her ear and pressing it into her shoulder to muffle the noise, she glanced over to the owner who was fiddling with some silverware in his hand. “Gabe? I have a call here from the hospital. It’s for you.” Gabe looked up from the utensils and walked over to the phone. Sef only shrugged at the suspicious look on his face as he took the phone from her, walking behind the counter.

“Sweet Temptations, this is the owner Gabriel Novak.”

“Hello Gabriel, this is Uriel.” Gabe froze in his spot, suddenly aware of the lack of air in the room. Was Cassie OK? Did someone else come in like Balth and he had to fix him? Did his little brother get his by a racing ambulance?

“Hey Chief.” Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit what happened to my brother?! “What’s up, is everything OK?” Uriel’s deep chuckle did nothing to calm him.

“Yes, everything is fine. Nothing happened so you can breathe now. I don’t hear any breathing.” Gabe let out the breath he must have been holding and ignored the concerned look on Sef’s face as she saw color return, his cheeks flushing a soft red.

“Oh good, I thought he had gotten run over by an ambulance. Glad to know that he has all of his fingers still… he does still have all of his fingers, right?” Persephone was getting more and more concerned and confused by the one-sided conversation that she could hear.

“Oh yes, your brother is quite alright. I just wanted to let you know that he is in the running of a competition to go to another hospital for two weeks, with two other doctors and three nurses, for a chance to learn more. I figured that I should run this by you, considering that his health is in your hands. But before I let him travel, I have to know how he is doing. He seems well, but I would like a status report. Just… just how is he doing? I only see a portion of him throughout the day.” Gabe turned away from Sef, keeping the phone close to his ear.

“He, he’s doing good. He can’t be in low-stressful situations where there are lots of people, but he says that he’s holding his own in the trauma bay with Zack and the children, well he says that they are children. He checks in with me every few days and he says that his therapy sessions are going well, and that he is back on track with his life. He still won’t go out looking for a relationship or anything but I think that wound is going to take a few more months to heal. But don’t give up hope on the little guy yet. Has he- do you know if he has done any stitches yet? I know that is what a lot of his therapy stuff has been about.” Gabe brushed off the hurt look fro Sef that he was getting for ignoring her.

“I do not know, but to participate in this he, and everyone else, will be monitored on his skillsets, and how he manages certain situations. I will have somebody keep tabs on that. Doctors are going to be rating their fellow workers on what they are and are not good at. That’s the most of what I can tell you about that. So his mental stability is well?”

“Yeah Uriel, Cassie is doing well.” Both men sighed gently at that happy fact. “Hey, uh, do you know where he would be going for this if he won?” Uriel paused, seemingly deciding if he should tell this information. But his heart won out.

“I would be sending him to Denver. The transfer takes place late January and during that time frame is the National Western Stock Show, and since Castiel has some experience dealing with those types of people, I would be sending him there. Would that be a factor in you letting him go or not?” Uriel once sure voice waivered slightly.

“No, it should be fine. Just keep me updated on the competition and how it’s going, because I am not so sure that he would want to tell me about this. The whole- wait, isn’t that a rodeo?” Gabe stopped breathing again. Maybe he was the one who needed therapy. “Breathe Gabe. And yes it is. But the competitors won’t know where they are going, if they are going, until two weeks before they go. They get to spend two weeks down there, and that and the mid-winter marathon in Montana should be the worst of the worst places to be because both go on for an extended period of time. But he does well in high stress situations, like you said, He should be able to handle a few rodeo cowboys who have broken arms and legs.” The chuckle that Uriel let out racked through Gabe’s head. He was just about to speak but Uriel cut him off. “Oh, hey, I have to run. Thanks for talking.” Uriel clicked the line shut, leaving Gabe stranded on an island of confused thoughts. He gently rested the phone back in it’s holder and turned to the, still, confused Sef waiting nearby.

“Castiel- he’s going to fix up cowboys. Fun.” He shook his head, sending his golden locks flying and made his way to the kitchen. He desperately needed some pie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry about... above. I've just been dealing with a ton of shit lately, and my depression is hitting again really hard... it's hard to try to make others happy when I can't even make myself happy. Now that I have ranted, onto the story!
> 
> So the National Western Stock Show (NWSS) is held mid-late January every year in Denver Colorado. I have had friends compete in it and I go every year, so I know quite a lot about it. I realize that this is a somewhat shorter chapter, but this is all I could milk out of my brain. I think you guys can see where this is going... I also know that it moved really fast in the beginning, and that Castiel was suddenly "cured", but that will be addressed in the next one or two chapters.
> 
> Again, I am sorry about above.


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